...is it Weds already?

I sat down to post about 5 different times yesterday but kept getting sidelined but other things. Silly life getting in the way of my blogging...

Mon. 3/28:

• breakfast: whole wheat english muffin w/ earth balance and strawberry jam and 8oz of organic chocolate milk
• am snack: apples w/ peanut butter, wheat thins
• lunch: taco and bean burrito from Taco Bell w/ a small soda
• pm snack: fruit smoothie w/ whey protein (post workout)
• dinner: big salad w/ bell pepper, onion, mozz cheese, parmesan ranch dressing and a packet of Lean Cuisines garlic chicken spring rolls - delicious!!
• 1 hour workout
• 0 cigarettes
• $5 spent on lunch
• 12:30am bedtime - ugh

Tues. 3/29:

• breakfast: oatmeal w/ stevia, cinnamon, earth balance, and a splash of 2% milk
• am snacks: pears, raw almonds, wheat thins and an 8oz organic chocolate milk (Horizon sells their organic flavored milks in this little juicebox boxes - so convenient for work! I love them!)
• lunch: butter chicken (not sure why they call it that, it doesn't really taste like butter at all lol), basmati rice, curried potatoes, some kind of delicious pea/mushroom mix in this amazing sauce, naan bread from this little Indian place near work
• dinner: a big salad w/ the usual, a small serving of mom's frito chili pie - my belly was still a little full from lunch and my salad. 
• pm snack: dark chocolate almond milk
• no workout
• 0 cigarettes
• $9 spent on lunch
• 12:30am bedtime.. again

I've had a little bit of insomnia going on the last few nights. I get really tired about 9, but I stay up until about 11 anyway and then by the time I do go to bed it's like I've caught a second wind or something and it takes me forever to settle down. Mike seems to be experiencing the same thing because once I finally do think I might fall asleep he starts talking to me about how he's not tired and blah blah blah... it's a vicious cycle!

I'm so tired today but I did pack my gym bag this morning and absolutely plan on hitting the gym after work today. I think it will make me feel better and hopefully will help me sleep better tonight. I've got to start getting up when my alarm goes off instead of hitting snooze for 30mins... this gloomy winter-like weather has definitely not been helping my morning efforts. It's almost April for chrissake!!! 

I think we may go home for lunch today and I'm actually pretty excited about it because I'm really hungry for a pita pizza... for which I will post a little recipe for you here now:

Mini Pita Pizza

• 1 Kontos Pizza Parlor Crust (they're about the size of a regular sized pita, but made with olive oil so they have good fats! Plus 4g of fiber)
• 1-2 tbsp's of spaghetti sauce (I usually use Wegman's brand smooth marinara or Prego classic tomato basil)
• 1/4 - 1/2 cup of shredded part-skim mozzarella - use as much or as little as you like 
• Toppings as you like them! I usually use bell pepper, onion, and about 4 turkey pepperonis
• Pre-heat oven to 400F, bake for 10-12 minutes - enjoy!

With the toppings and amount of cheese I use for my tastes this quick and yummy lunch or dinner comes to about 350 calories - not bad, and way better than a Lean Cuisine pizza or the like!!

Weekend slacker

Well, I didn't make it to the gym Saturday or Sunday - I was so tired. It's not even funny. I also ate a bunch of crap... but I'm okay with it. lol I packed my gym bag this morning and will definitely be hitting the gym after work today.

My weigh-in did not go as awesome as planned - first of all I forgot to do it on Saturday morning, so I did it Sunday morning... after consuming massive amounts of sodium all day/night Saturday. So yeah. I was at 197 exactly. So I'm pretty much maintaining my weight right now which I guess isn't the end of the world since I definitely can see the changes in my body since getting back in to weight-lifting. Maybe here in the next month I'll see at least a couple more pounds come off.

Food breakdown for the weekend, go!

Sat. 3/26:

• breakfast: organic granola w/ 2% milk
• lunch: crunchwrap and regular taco from Taco Bell... I know, I know... it gets worse...
• dinner: kung pao vegetarian "chicken" and some crab rangoon... lots of white rice. The place we ordered from doesn't do brown rice, and I didn't think to make any myself.
• 0 cigarettes
• $14 spent on foods
• 1am bedtime

Sun. 3/27:

• breakfast: donut (so healthy)
• lunch: leftover tofu chinese goodness
• dinner: thin crust supreme pizza over at mom and dad's
• 0 cigarettes
• $0 spent
• 12:30am bedtime - getting up for work this morning was hard! But that's what you get when you sleep super late on a Sunday morning... you're not tired when you're supposed to be!!

Part of the reason I was up so late last night was because I watched the first 2 parts of the new Mildred Pierce on HBO - I definitely recommend it!! Kate Winslet is so amazing. 

Goals for this week:

• start watching nutrition intake: 3 proteins, 4 dairy, 7 fruits/veggies, 6 grains/legumes, 4 good fats
• get to the gym 3 TIMES - I've been twice a week the last couple weeks, plus doing some cardio-type-stuff at home, but I'd really like to get that third weight workout in every week. 
• spend at least 3 hours reading, I need to finish Game of Thrones before April 17th!!! Plus I picked up a new fitness book I want to do more than just skim through. 
• get better about bedtimes - I feel like I've been pushing till midnight too often during the week and that needs to stop

Woo!

Quick foods update.. then off to bed!

Had a pretty decent food day yesterday:

3/24:

• breakfast: oatmeal w/ stevia, cinnamon and a splash of 2% milk
• am snack: apples w/ peanut butter
• lunch: lean cuisine chicken, spinach, parmesan spring rolls w/ a big salad with onion and light parmesan ranch dressing
• pm snack: fruit shake w/ whey protein (post-workout)
• dinner: half a ruben sandwich from our local dive bar and some fries, a couple beers
• 50 min workout at the gym - estimated 500 calories burned. Pushed myself pretty hard!
• lots of cigarettes... I gotta get this back under control, for serious
• $4 spent - my friend ended up buying my dinner and all but one of my beers!! She's awesome! (I heart you Jess Brown)
• 11pm bedtime - that's right. I ended up going out much earlier than usual and got home at an amazingly reasonable time.

My workout made me feel AWESOME - and my new music was really motivational to push myself. I'm so excited to see what kind of results I can get keeping up with this for the next few weeks. Weigh in tomorrow!

Stats for tonight...

3/25:

• breakfast: organic granola w/ 2% milk and a fruit shake w/ whey protein
• am snacks: wheat thins w/ organic chocolate milk box 8oz.
• lunch: gyro from local pizzaria
• dinner: leftover half of ruben sandwich from last night, a few glasses of wine w/ my girl Holly
• 4 cigarettes
• it's currently almost 12:30am - I'll probably go to bed in about half an hour
• $4 spent on cigs - ugh.

Tomorrow morning I'm hoping to hit the gym before my 12:15 hair appt. If not before, then after. I'm definitely going. I'm getting totally addicted to weight lifting and I think that's great!! Plus, if I make it tomorrow I promise myself a chocolate-peanut butter protein shake from the juice bar... delicious!! and only 350 calories!! I'll probably use it as a meal replacement. My friend Stacy is coming over to hang tomorrow night so we might order Chinese or something but I'm going to shoot for something healthy - maybe one of the vegetarian options with the "ch'kin" - ie: tofu textured like chicken. It's really much more yummier than it sounds!!!

Hope everyone is having a great friday!!

Like being low

I don't know what my deal was yesterday - I packed my gym bag to hit 20-30mins of cardio after work, but by the time 4:30pm rolled around I just didn't have it in me to do anything but go home and sit on the couch. And that's what I did. I sat on the couch and read for about 3 hours, then Mike and I put in a movie and went to bed. Getting out of bed this morning was next to impossible. I'm really ready for this weekend - I think. I don't know. Maybe it's good that I've been so busy between work and home - it's been able to keep me distracted somewhat from some things that have really been bothering me. I've also been incredibly productive!

Yesterday was a good day food-wise:

3/23:

• breakfast: oatmeal w/ stevia and cinnamon and a splash of 2% milk. 
• am snack: raw almonds
• lunch: baja salad from Wendy's - asked for chili on the side (btw, full salad w/ dressing but only half the chili is only 440 calories), wheat thins
• pm snack: goldfish
• dinner: one slice leftover thin-crust supreme pizza, had half a reese's whipps bar for desert. 
• no workout - we went over this earlier
• 1 cigarette
• $6 spent on lunch
• 11:30pm bedtime

I did actually count calories yesterday, just because at the end of the day I felt like I had eaten TOO much - so I added it all up real quick. I was at 1440 for the day. GO ME! I think I've regularly been hitting between 1900-2000 a day, probably one day a week quite a bit more than that, and a couple days a week a bit less. So far the no-calorie-counting is working out pretty well. I feel less stressed about food, and I'm going to the gym because I WANT to go to the gym - not because I feel like I need burn off a certain amount of calories to balance out my daily intake. Mentally I feel like this is a much healthier option for me. At some point I really need to sugar detox again because my cravings for sweets are getting a little out of control lately even though I'm able to exert some willpower and not binge on candy and the like... so far. 

I'm definitely planning to hit the gym today - it's weight lifting day! And I need it... so bad... hopefully we will have time to go home for lunch today and I can put together a new playlist with the BILLIONS of new songs/albums I downloaded the other night to make my gym trip even more therapeutic. 

Also: I will be weighing myself this Saturday to see if I've dropped any pounds at all in the last month since I stopped doing regular weigh-ins and stopped calorie counting. I need to see if I'm in any way on track for my birthday deadline of... not being the same weight I was last time I weighed myself which was February 26th and I was at 195.8. So by Saturday it will have been exactly a month since I've stepped on a scale... I think? Let's hope it goes well!!!

Getting back into the groove (I hope)

I don't think I mentioned this in any of my posts last week - but I went to the gym twice and took a couple walks on my lunchbreaks!!! Very excited about that. I'll be back in the gym this afternoon after work and since this weekend will not be anywhere near as busy as last week I'm shooting to workout at least 3 times - Tues, Thurs, and Sat.

I had a total smoker breakdown over the weekend as you could probably tell from my last recap... I don't really know what it is other than I'm just not ready to give up that disgusting habit that defines me. I'm having a lot of subconscious stress right now and I'm 100% sure that's what continues to trigger me into just letting myself lapse. What's even more stupid about it? I don't "nic fit". I don't crave that cigarette fix... it is totally a social thing for me. That's why this whole day-counting for me is just a bunch of bullshit... gee, Jess, sure that's great you've gone 5 days without a cigarette - don't you ALWAYS go 5 days without a cigarette until Friday night rolls around and you hang out with your friends? Yes. Yes, I do. And so going 5 days without smoking it really not a milestone for me... it's a weekly occurrence. Even when I considered myself a "heavy smoker".

Dumb. I'm dumb.

Daily Recap 3/21:

• breakfast: whole wheat english muffin w/ half tbsp of Earth Balance (vegan butter spread - lots of omega 3's) and half tbsp of strawberry jam
• am snack: apples w/ peanut butter
• lunch: bean burrito and regular taco from Taco Bell w/ about 8oz. if Mountain Dew
• dinner: 2 slices of thin-crust supreme pizza leftover from Sunday night
• 3 cigarettes
• $3 spent on lunch
• 11:30pm bedtime

edit: I absolutely went to the gym today and burned about 450 calories at that! I'm regularly hitting that mark. I found out recently that my calories are always about half of what my heart monitor says they are so my HM said I burned 922 - I take that to mean about 450. Just fyi.

Oddly enough even though I spend about 50 minutes doing actual exercise today I felt like I didn't push myself hard enough. I was pretty depressed about some things today... which I imagine I may be pretty depressed about for a while until I can get myself together and maybe meditate a little bit on some things... anyway, my point is that all day I looked forward to getting to the gym and being able to just listen to my iPod and focus on exercise - I did just that. I really wish I could lift weights everyday. I absolutely would. But I know that with the semi-heavy lifting I'm doing currently that would hurt me more than help me toward my fat burning goals. Cardio doesn't provide the same focus for me as lifting does - so the idea of going and just being on the elliptical for 20 minutes doesn't quite have the same appeal but I'm going to shoot to do that anyway. I'll go ahead and post what I've eaten so far today since I pretty much know what the rest of my evening is going to look like.

Today, 3/22:

• breakfast: whole wheat english muffin w/ half tbsp earth balance and half tbsp strawberry jam
• am snacks: apples w/ peanut butter
• lunch: footlong turkey on wheat w/ provolone, lettuce, cucumber, bell pepper, onion, pickles, pepper relish, and mustard and white chocolate macadamia cookies
• dinner: 3oz. of sirloin steak
• post-dinner: grande skim chai latte
• 50 minute workout
• $10 spent on lunch and starbucks
• no cigarettes so far
• shooting for 11pm bedtime

Quick weekend update

Fri. 3/18:

• breakfast: fruit shake and whole wheat english muffin
• am snack: chocolate donut
• lunch: gyro
• dinner: lean cuisine thai spring rolls w/ giant salad
• ridiculous amount of smoking...
• ...I'm not even sure how much money I spent, but I still have cash left! lol
• 2am bedtime

Sat. 3/19:

• breakfast: Nature Valley chewy almond bar
• lunch: lots of little Tastefully Simple snacks consisting of mostly chips and dips
• dinner: steak and shrimp fajitas (without tortillas) and some chips w/ queso and salsa
• a little amount of smoking... SO MUCH FAIL
• hubby treated me for dinner
• 1:30am bedtime - but mostly because I had to stay up and watch the episode of One Born Every Minute that was on.

Sun. 3/20:

• breakfast: organic granola w/ 2% milk
• snacks: wheat thins
• lunch/dinner: thin-crust pizza hut supreme pizza - I probably will not really eat anything else because I am SUPER FULL of pizza. If I have anything else it will be either some fruit or a salad.
• no smoking 
• no monies spent
• shooting for 11pm bedtime

Worst. Blogger. Ever.

I have been so so terrible about updating the last couple weeks. I think about it as I'm falling asleep at night "oh, I should have updated my blog instead of... playing Dragon Age 2... reading my book... watching pointless television..." etc, etc, etc. Dragon Age 2 is getting the best of me right now. If it's not that I've got my nose buried in Game of Thrones... I'm about 2/3rd's of the way through that and I need to finish it before the series premieres on HBO April 17th! (Especially for my birthday present, is how I like to think of it.)

OH! SO!! I GOT A NEW CAR!

Here's a picture:

It's a 2008 Honda Accord EX-L V6 - and it's ALL MINE!! okay... maybe a little bit Mike's too... I love it!! It's basically just a grown-up version of my Civic... lol

okay, so, let's see... eating for this week... oh man.. it's been a little out of control. My fast food addiction is back in full swing. I'm making the smartest choices I possible can... but... it's still really bad. All week I've had oatmeal for breakfast, apples w/ natural peanut butter and wheat thins for snacks, but lunches have been... Taco Bell... Wendy's... and then Taco Bell again... one of those nights I didn't even really eat dinner.. the other I had boneless wings and beer at Buffalo Wild Wings. So, yeah. I'm kind of screwing myself just a little. I DID go to the gym for an hour Tuesday evening. So thank god for that!!

We'll just pick up on yesterday's stats.

Weds 3/16:

• breakfast: half my usual pack of oatmeal w/ a splash of chocolate milk (since we were all out of regular... ugh)
• snacks: apples w/ peanut butter, wheat thins, Natural Valley chewy almond bar
• lunch: chips and cheese and bean burrito from Taco Bell
• dinner: 1 cup of my mom's chicken tortilla soup
• 0 cigarettes, but I don't think that really counts for much considering I smoked HALF A PACK Tuesday night... ugh. 
• 11:30pm bedtime... Dragon Age is going to be the end of my reasonable weeknight bedtimes...
• $3 spent on lunch

Yesterday was a bit of a crazy day with getting the new car all registered and stuff at the DMV - oh, and I finally got my name changed on my driver's license and went ahead and called my credit card and had it changed there too. Next step is to hit the bank and get all the name stuff taken care of there... and then I will for real be: Jessica Jacob Trott.

I'm really proud of myself for jumping right back in at the gym this week after being totally sick all week last week. I went today, too, for another hour! And I've been remembering to bring my heart monitor - my average calorie burn is about 400-450. I think that's pretty excellent!

I'm thinking about re-reading Jackie Warner's book to motivate me to get back on track with healthier eating. I'm pretty sure I've finally found an exercise routine that I'm enjoying and look forward to - and that involved a lot of weight-lifting. The last few weeks I've finally started noticing the changes in my body and the way I look/carry myself, etc. and I believe I owe all of that to the strength training I've been focusing on the last almost-month now. Even though I've only made it to the gym about half as much as I'd have liked to - when I am getting there, and what I'm focusing on while I'm there, seems to really be making a difference. That's pretty encouraging.

Now for some TMI stuff... I think I'm really going to consider "going organic" if it will at all factor into my grocery budget. I went off my birth control pills back in July - Mike and I are officially "trying" - most of you probably already know this... well, lately my body is completely out of control menstrual cycle-wise. I think this may be a direct result of what I'm eating/drinking and the possible hormones and chemicals I'm consuming. Every month I just seem to get more and more out of whack. This month, apparently, I'm having two periods... and that pretty much makes me want to kill myself... and also makes me think maybe I'm not ovulating the way I should be. Then there's this whole other part of me that feels like that's just a bunch of bullshit and that I just haven't really settled into a normal cycle because all the women I work with and coming into contact with almost EVERY DAY are menopausal and that's throwing me off hard core. I saw my gyno just a couple weeks ago for my annual and she said it didn't really sound abnormal to be having these "fake" periods a week before my real period, that I was probably just spotting after ovulation... fine... except that now this month it's not just 2 or 3 days the week before I have my REAL period... it's been 5... 5 days of having to, y'know, wear something... because it's just enough that I HAVE to wear something or it'll ruin all my undies, but not enough to be anything REAL... and I'm supposed to start my regular period Sunday or Monday... so by the time that is over I will have been bleeding for... oh... 2 FUCKING WEEKS. I've had just about enough. I have never been this irregular, ever. It's starting to really effect me - I don't like being so out of tune with my body, I'm not used to it. <end rant>


Well, I hope you enjoyed that lovely insight to my reproductive organs. I know I sure enjoyed getting it all off my chest. *angelic smile*

So that's what's been going on in my world this week. I will probably post later this evening or in the morning with food log and other stuffs for today.

*groan*

Well, I did NOT have internet access at the hotel in Roanoke because they wanted to CHARGE me an extra $20 for the weekend. No thank you. Honestly I don't think I would have had much time or energy to update anyhow. We were pretty much only in the room long enough to sleep, shower and leave again.

It was a wonderful weekend overall - I love being in Southwest Virginia, and the weather was beautiful! The lectures were really interesting and really inspired me to revisit the sites and battlefields near home that I haven't been to since I was 9 or 10.

I did not have the opportunity to workout at the hotel but Mike and I had the opportunity to walk around downtown Roanoke for almost an hour Saturday afternoon, which was really nice.

Now I will try to remember what all I ate (too much, I'll tell you right now)...

Fri. 3/11:

• breakfast: Nature Valley chewy almond bar
• am snack: handful of potato chips
• lunch: Chik-Fil-A original sandwich with fries and a lemonade
• dinner: salad w/ ranch, roll, mashed sweet potatoes, vegetable medley, very small portion or pasta primavera, and a small slice of pork tenderloin.... and, wait for it... chocolate bourbon pecan pie for desert
• 1 cigarette (Mike is so making me fail on this it's not even funny)
• 11pm bedtime
• $5 spent on lunch

Sat 3/12:

• breakfast: eggs, 2 slices of bacon, one teeny tiny piece of french toast (no syrup), a chocolate milk (they were all out of juice and the regular milk seemed warm... gross)
• am snack: mini sausage biscuit, mini danish
• lunch: was gross... really gross.. I had salad and a little bit of pasta. That was about it. 
• pm snack: these AMAZING almond cookies... omg I want one right now lol.. and some coffee w/ a rice krispie treat
• dinner: lots and lots of salad (started craving greens hardcore after having so much sugar all day), a little bit of pasta, about 6oz of this DELICIOUS citrus chicken... major improvement over lunch. Plus a little sliver of cheesecake for desert. 
• hour long walk
• 1 cigarette
• 9:30pm bedtime
• $0 spent - all meals and snacks and stuff were provided by the conference which is why I had access to so much junk the whole time. 

Sun 3/13:

• breakfast: 2 eggs, 2 strips of bacon, 2 pancakes and an orange juice at iHop. It was perfect.
• lunch: turkey sub w/ mustard from Jimmy John's
• dinner: gyro from local pizza parlor... just the gyro. Also perfect.
• no snacks
• 0 cigarettes
• 11:30pm bedtime
• $7 spent on dinner - Mike bought lunch, and my father-in-law bought breakfast.

I'm still barely recovered from this damn chest cold. It's really killing me.. and the time change this weekend is wreaking havoc on my sleep. I'm exhausted. 

I'm so super glad we went to this conference this weekend, but now I need a vacation from my weekend. Mostly I think I need to get caught up on sleep. I will probably NOT go to the gym today, as I did not have the opportunity to pack my gym bag this morning, but I will pack tonight before bed and definitely plan to go after work tomorrow. 

There's a reason...

...that I haven't posted ALL WEEK.

I've been super sick. Monday and Tuesday I pretty much felt like I was dying a little, yesterday was a bit better, and today is MUCH better.

I have not exercised at all this week thanks to all of that and even though I probably am healthy enough to hit the gym today I won't because we are going out of town tomorrow and I have to finish laundry and pack. UGH.

I can't remember everything I ate (or didn't eat) Monday and Tues... it wasn't much, I'll tell you that. Cereal for breakfast and soup for the rest, I think. So, yeah. Not much. But here's what I had yesterday...

Weds 3/9:

• breakfast: one packet plain oatmeal (cooked, obv) w/ 1/2 tbsp honey and 1/8 cup of milk
• am snack: raw almonds and a banana
• lunch: 6" turkey breast on wheat from Subway w/ provolone, lettuce, cucumbers, bell pepper, onion, pickles, and mustard, baked lays, ONE white chocolate macadamia nut cookie, green tea to drink
• pm snack: venti skim chai from Starbucks
• no dinner (bad, I know)
• 0 cigarettes - that makes 5 days
• 11pm bedtime
• $11 spent between lunch and Starbucks

I have a really big weekend ahead of me that I'm super excited for! I'm bringing the laptop with me so I should have a chance to update while I'm down there.. I hope. I really will be better about this, you guys. 

Quick note: last night as I was getting ready for bed I really started to see some of the changes in my body. I went to the doc on Tues and they weighed me - 197lbs. That was fully dressed and after having eaten, though. I'm not going to complain. Part of this new "exercise more" experiment is that I'm trying not to weigh myself every week anymore. I think it really throws me off when the scale doesn't reflect what I can clearly see with my eyes and feel in my body. 

I'd like to make a statement now:

If on my birthday, April 15th, I am still at the exact same weight (or heavier than) I was the last time I stepped on my scale (195lbs) then I will start strictly counting calories again. 

That's a promise. As much as I really don't want to... I have to say, I'm really enjoying my life of non-calorie-obsession. Thanks to the many months and years of calorie-counting and internet information crammed into my brain I can tell you the caloric worth of pretty much anything to set in from of me... and with that knowledge I'm able to consistently make wise eating choices. Plus I've found I'm starting to do that whole "intuitive eating" thing - when you pay enough attention to your body to know when you're REALLY hungry or if you're just bored, distracted, what-have-you. Probably why I didn't have dinner last night. I had a nice, filling lunch and then I just.. wasn't really hungry. Granted, my chai latte may have helped stave off my hunger a bit... but I think when I was always counting calories I found myself eating simple because I had "room" to do so... I would think, "I still have 600 calories left for today" and so I'd find a way to eat those 600 remaining calories whether I was actually hungry for them or not. Or I would think, "I only have 67 calories left for the day.." and I'd be starving an hour after dinner but couldn't "afford" to let myself eat anything else. I know for me it was becoming a little ridiculous... and mentally unhealthy. We all know I have enough mental illness going on without the food stuff!! lol 

Anyway. The bottom line is: I'm much happier with my relationship with food these days and because of that my general stress level is way down. Go me!

Back to our regularly scheduled programming...

I feel like this has been the norm this winter... I get everything back in gear, under control, ready to go... and I get SICK. !@#*(*@!!!

So much anger you guys.. so much anger.

Quick recap of the weekend:

Friday 3/4:

• breakfast: organic granola w/ 2% milk
• lunch: 12" turkey breast on wheat w/ lettuce, bell pepper, onion, cucumber, pickle, pepper relish and mustard, a handful of baked lays and a cookie
• dinner: one piece fried mozzarella, bread, side caesar salad, half a plate of Pasta Weesie at Carrabba's (linguine, shrimp, mushrooms, scallions in a white wine sauce)
• smoked a lot
• 2am bedtime
• $35 on dinner

Saturday 3/5:

• breakfast: organic granola w/ 2% milk
• lunch: half-size baja salad at Wendy's w/ jr. frostie
• dinner: 4oz. of boneless Pakinstany chicken kabobs, basmati rice, seasoned chickpeas and yellow curry lentils,  piece of tandoori bread with fresh hummus
• 2 cigarettes
• 12am bedtime
• $0 spent

Sunday:

• breakfast: one donut from Dunkin Donuts
• lunch: leftover Pasta Weesie from Friday night
• dinner: chicken noodle soup
• 0 cigarettes
• 11pm bedtime
• $0 spent

Saturday night into Sunday was when I started feeling like crap. Sunday night it was pretty obvious I was full-blown sick. This morning I woke up and had to force myself to go into work since if I take ANY time off whatsoever than what I already have planned there's no way I can take a vacation this summer. I did end up coming home an hour early and passing out on the couch. I'm feeling much better but I have this WRETCHED cough and I'm 99.9% sure it's due to my decision to smoke like a chimney Friday night. Good thing? The last thing I've wanted the last 36 hours is a cigarette... and I'm pretty sure there will be no miraculous upper-respiratory recovery in the next couple days so that will help me get through the rest of this week without wanting to smoke and this weekend we go with my in-laws down to Roanoke for some awesome Civil War learning!! So I won't be smoking down there around them.

I worked out 4 times last week! I'm really proud of myself. Did weight-training Mon and Thurs, and cardio Tues and Fri. I really wanted to go to the gym Saturday afternoon but ran out of time before my Dad's birthday shindig and unfortunately Sunday I woke up feeling like pewp and then even more like pewp today... hopefully by Weds I'll have recovered enough to make it for a workout. We leave Friday early-afternoon for Roanoke, but I'll be bringing my workout clothes with me to the hotel in case I get a chance to workout while we're there. I'm determined to get back to it as soon as I'm feeling better! I don't want to spend another month in exercise limbo feeling down on myself!

Settling into routine

I don't know why I ever dread working out once I fall out of habit. It always ALWAYS makes me feel better mentally and physically - and it just really doesn't take THAT much time out of my normal day. My eventual, someday, maybe-never goal is to work out in the mornings before work. I mean, honestly, I don't have to go to work THAT early. Plus my commute is like 3 minutes. Seriously. I should just get my butt out of bed at 6:30am and go workout. That would give me plenty of time to do whatever I want to do at the gym, come home, shower, and get to work by 8:30. Plus I would never have to worry about Mike getting home late from work or leaving James at daycare longer than I want to. This might be something I'll have to work on... but it's going to take a LOT of motivation and I'm not even sure that I should attempt it before I've got at least a month of regular-gym-going under my belt. Plus it's always easier to wake up earlier in the Spring/Summer because the sun comes up early...

I'm beginning to see a bit of a pattern with my eating... I'll have one really awful day food-wise, and then the next day I eat PERFECTLY... and so on and so forth. I think I'm okay with this. For now.

• breakfast: organic granola w/ 2% milk
• am snacks: raw almonds and pears
• lunch: big salad w/ the usual fixins and dressing, lean cuisine asiago cheese tortellini
• pm snacks: wheat thins, fruit smoothie with whey protein (post-workout)
• dinner: spicy orange chicken stir fry with brown rice - this is my absolutely favorite Wegman's thing ever. They're frozen dinners called "Taste of Asia" PACKED with white meat chicken, broccoli, bok choi, carrots, snow peas, and red bell pepper - plus REAL brown rice! They only take 10 minutes, it's awesome. The sauce is a little high in sugar and sodium (21g, 700mg, respectively) but it comes in a separate little packet and they give you a TON so I usually just use half the packet for the whole dish. They cost about $6.50 usually and have two servings - but lucky for me they were on sale this week for $5 so I picked up 3 packages. Also Mike doesn't much care for any kind of asian-type-food, so that means I can eat one serving and save the other for a lunch or dinner another day. 
• 1 hour workout at the gym!! That's 3 TIMES THIS WEEK!
• 0 cigarettes
• Shooting for 11pm bedtime
• $0 spent - had lunch at home today

I am so super proud of myself for hitting the gym today. I have exercised for at least 30 minutes 3 times this week and that is better than I've done in I-can't-even-say how long! And I still have tomorrow. :)

As for food - I may have some frozen yogurt or some more wheat thins before bed. I just finished dinner, so we'll see if any hunger creeps up on me in the next couple hours.

Some serious updating!

I have been SO slack this week on updating. Sorry, loyal readers!

Let me just get caught up on the last couple days' worth of eating first...

Tues. 3/1:

• breakfast: organic granola w/ 2% milk (becoming the usual)
• am snacks: banana and raw almonds, 2 mini cinnamon rolls (THANKS MAMA TROTT.. ugh)
• lunch: lean cuisine shrimp scampi w/ a big salad (usual fixin's and dressing)
• pm snacks: wheat thins, 8oz of organic chocolate milk (post-workout), 1/2 cup of frozen yogurt
• dinner: Stove Top chicken bake dish
• other: lots and lots of wine...

Weds. 3/2:

• breakfast: bacon, egg, and cheese biscuit w/ orange juice... from McDonalds... I'll explain this disaster in a moment.
• am snacks: banana w/ raw almonds
• lunch: tuna bullet from quizno's with baked lays - honestly, pretty much the healthiest option there but it made me SUPER sick to my stomach
• pm snacks: wheat thins
• dinner: lean cuisine shanghai shrimp

Okay, so Tuesday night I went over to a friends house to visit - we hadn't hung out in a LONG time and there was lots to talk about... and without realizing it I may have drank close to a bottle of wine... and I was... wrecked. I mean, seriously. Plus I did a LOT of drunken facebooking and then couldn't remember why I had about 1,000 notifications the next mornings... oh, yeah, 'cause I commented on EVERYTHING at 1am in a drunken stupor...

Work was NO FUN yesterday. I occasionally drink during the week - a glass of wine here, a beer or two there... most of my drinking usually happens on Friday or Saturday night, however, because really nobody likes being anywhere close to hungover at work.. this was so bad, you guys. I'm pretty sure I may have actually still been a little tipsy at 8am yesterday morning... but you know what? I was super freaking productive even with the constant self-loathing inner-monologue happening about how I'm a totally worthless wino and had I not had so much I could have gotten out of bed early to help James for his "Wacky Wednesday" outfit for daycare.. not that he really would have let me help him anyway.. but yeah... it was pretty awful. I feel totally embarrassed, guilty, and pretty much just hate everything about myself right now.

I haven't done anything like that in a really long time.. like.. since before I was married. I'm going to just go out on a limb here and say this probably had something to do with the fact that I've felt so depressed the last couple of weeks - it doesn't make it healthy. But it was certainly a wake-up call on a lot of different levels. 

Let the detox begin. 

Positive things about this week:

• 2 days 0 cigarettes
• did weights Monday (I already posted about that I think), and 45 mins of cardio Tuesday. Thanks to Quizno's I was too sick my stomach after work yesterday to even contemplate exercise.. but I packed my gym bag this morning and plan on doing that after work.
• epic fail on Tuesday's bedtime - but last night lights out by 11pm. 
• $10 spent between breakfast and lunch yesterday