(*Note: 5 Week Challenge stuff at the bottom of this post)
I should have posted last night, but there was a little bit of drama over whether or not we'd be going out for the Virginia Tech bowl game and it just didn't get done.
I'm going a little crazy with my calories.. I'm pretty sure my junk-food addiction is back full-force and there's this little voice inside of me that keeps saying, "Go ahead, eat whatever you want. It's cool. You deserve this. You've been working really hard." WTF is THAT all about?! Yes I've been working really hard, so now I should, what? RUIN IT ALL?
The first week in December I broke the 200lb mark (in a good way) - I was at 196. A couple weeks later I came back up to 198, which was fine. Really. I've now been at 198 for about 2, going on 3 weeks. Just like in November I hit about a 3 week plateau at 200. Losing 2lbs/month is not working for me. That's only about a half a pound a week and that's really pitiful. I'm not sure how I'm supposed to do this. I feel like, with the exception of Christmas weekend and New Year's weekend, I've done really well with my calories and I'm keeping myself pretty mobile even on days I don't make it to the gym or force myself to do a workout video at home. I think subconsciously I'm trying to give up because I'm not seeing the results I want in the time-frame I want. I thought for sure by now I'd be able to comfortably fit into all my size 16 jeans - that's not happening. I can fit into the same 2 pair I could wear comfortably 2 months ago.... HOWEVER, I feel like my 18s are BIGGER THAN EVER. It's a very weird in-between point. I also kind of feel like I haven't really been tracking my progress as well as I'd like to be as far as clearly posting my weight and measurements. When I go back in my blog it's really hard for me to find where I posted what, etc.. and my old blogs are an even bigger mess. Back in June I want to say I weighed between 215 and 218.. maybe more since I didn't have a good scale at that point.. but I never weighed myself consistently and I never weighed myself first thing in the morning because I would never think about until after I got home from work, so REALLY I might have only been at like 210 or 212.. maybe less.. -.- So I'd LIKE to think that I've lost about 20lbs over the last 6 months... but really it might be closer to like 10. Which is SAD AND PITIFUL. SAD AND PITIFUL, I SAY!!!
Basically what it comes down to is I'm running out of steam because I feel like my entire life is being consumed with "how many calories is this? how many calories have I burned? if I get a little drunk will I be retaining water tomorrow when I step on the scale in the morning?" etc, etc, etc... but it's not really in a health-conscious way, it's almost in a what-can-I-get-away-with kind of way. I'm not really sure how to break that way of thinking.
I WANT this. I WANT a healthier lifestyle. I WANT to quit smoking. I WANT to limit my alcohol intake (which I feel like I've done an excellent job with, btw, but I'll talk more about that later...). I WANT to lose another 40 pounds. I want it SO HARD. And I'm willing to work for it... but apparently just not as hard as I should be.
I'm taking a mulligan, a do-over, a re-do, whatever you want to call it. I'm starting fresh with a little more structure. I need to stop sabotaging myself - and that doesn't mean "no more splurge days" or whatever. It just means don't eat the donut if you're not actually hungry. Don't eat the donut simply because the donut is THERE.
And with the calories.. I need to just plan out my meals. I need to do that for probably 2 weeks until I get back to being "used" to eating about 1700-1800 calories/day. I think I really want to add in flex calories too. Right now my "goal" intake is 1900 - so I can cut that to 1800 and have my 700 flex. Right now I feel like a total failure every time I break that 1900 mark, even though a lot of the time I'm eating closer to 1600 and those spike days are probably actually good for my metabolism, it's just the mental/emotional side of it.
*deep sigh*
SO.. here we go. I'm gonna lay it out for you - for myself. I'm going to start with a short-term goal.
- 5 weeks. 10 pounds. Weeks beginning on Saturdays - this way I have plenty of time to weigh myself and take measurements before eating breakfast on weigh-in days.
- I'm going give myself 1800/day with 700 flex calories/week - eating 5 times a day.
- I'm going to shoot for weight training 3 times a week with 15-20 minutes of cardio 5 days a week. Whether that's mon-fri or including weekends, it doesn't matter.
Health-wise that's what I'm focusing on.
Financially I want to start tracking all my spending. I'm going to start keeping a notepad with me and write down everything I spend and on what - including cash purchases. What I've been doing is just keeping x-amount of cash on me and when it's gone it's gone. No more. I want to know where my money is going.
I told you all over the weekend that I had started journaling - I may start typing up some of my journal entries and posting them here as well, just as a track of my emotional well-being.
Those of you out there in reader-land who don't already keep a fitness blog/regular fitness routine - I ask you to join me in my 5 Week Challenge!
The Challenge will begin Saturday January 8th and end Saturday February 12th.
Post beginning stats -- weight, waist-at-belly-button, hips, chest, arm, and thigh measurements -- this coming Saturday. You can posted them either in my comments here, start your own blog, or (if you want to be THAT brave) put them up on Facebook. I plan to do a weekly weigh-in as well as waist measurements, but all else I will remeasure at the end of the 5 week period.
I laid out how I plan to lose my 10 pound above -- counting calories, multiple small meals throughout the day, and exercising 5 times a week. However you want to do it is up to! Although I don't suggest becoming anorexic or bulemic... heh.
Let me know what your plan is! :)
