I did two workouts last week - neither at the gym, but both involving cardio and weight training with my good friend Andrea! (You can check out her running/eating healthy/being a mommy/planning a wedding blog here!)
I earned 12 WW activity points, plus didn't end up using all of my flex points for the week.
The other night after our workout, Andrea and I were talking a lot about the frustrations of winter making us want to sleep all the time and eat junk/comfort food whenever we're not sleeping, and the mental tug-of-war between letting yourself feel like there is plenty of time to reach your weight loss goal and feeling like your wasting valuable time all over the place. I feel like I especially struggle with this.
One example: on New Year's Eve we went to a party and I definitely was having a rough time squeezing into a cute pair of jeans for the night. I remember trying not to be disheartened, as I told myself, "By Mike's birthday you'll be smokin' hot. You're going to get the go-ahead from your Doc next week to start exercising again and then you'll have 3 weeks to get into a good gym routine before having to go back to work and then another 3 weeks before his birthday - that's 6 weeks of exercise and healthy eating to transform your flabby body. It'll be great!" Well... a good gym routine didn't happen. I started watching what I was eating, but still splurging a lot. So, Mike's birthday rolled around last week and I really look no different. I've lost about 5lbs since the end of December, but I believe most of that is the fluid retention loss that happens as you get further away from the day you gave birth.
All through January I told myself, "You have plenty of time." But do I really? I'm a bridesmaid in Andrea's wedding in October, and I would really like to be down to at least 180lbs by October. I feel like that is a SUPER lenient goal. I expect to meet it.. I expect to exceed it. I have to keep my positive attitude.
So here are my stats for Friday's weigh in: 211.6
That's a 2.5lb loss! I'm pretty happy with that. Getting some exercise definitely helped.
I'm off to a good start for this week as well! I've worked out twice do far, some mini cardio and strength training yesterday and 45 mins of just cardio tonight. Already up to 12 activity points for the week! Planning on doing strength training again tomorrow and then try to get a third day of cardio and strength Saturday. I don't see any reason why I can't accomplish this. I'm really excited to get in the scale Friday morning and see if I'm closer to my goal of 210lbs by march 1st. I would be ecstatic to exceed that goal!
My measurements are also going down. I've lost an inch off my waist so far and two inches off my chest - although that probably has more to do with no longer breastfeeding than anything else. Oh, floppy boobs.. But all these bench presses should help perk those girls up a little bit!!
Sorry, that was probably a little tmi. Lol
I will post my full measurement updates when I'm not posting from my iPhone... Yay blogger app!!
Anyhoo.. I'm also doing awesome with my healthier eating. I'm really proud of myself with that. It's made it a lot easier to stay within my daily points allowance, for sure. The only "problem" with losing the weight is.. My daily points allowance will go down. Haha. Oh well. Small price to pay, right?
2/23/12
2/15/12
Positive Thought of The Day
I've decided that when I have positive thoughts about myself pop into my head - I should post them here. That way, I can always go back and read all those positive thoughts when I'm feeling down on myself.
Here goes!
Today I thought:
I have great arms
Here goes!
Today I thought:
I have great arms
2/12/12
Failing Already?
My post title is a little misleading because right now I'm trying so hard to NOT think "I'm failing already".
I weighed in on Friday after my first full week on Weight Watchers. I've lost nothing. I stayed within my points target and well below my "flex" points for the week. Logically I know that being sick and barely eating for almost a week probably had something to do with it. And especially the fact that I spent most of that sick-week either in bed or on the sofa and had no physical exertion whatsoever. I know these things. I also know that my body does not respond well to dieting alone. My body requires that I exercise in some way, shape, or form (no matter how small) in order to kick into weight loss mode. I started to panic yesterday that it would be impossible for me to meet my 4lb loss goal for February. Tonight I started that horrible inner monologue of "why even try when you're not going to be able to do it anyway?"
What is THAT all about?
I guess a large part of me is feeling like I let myself get away with too much the first time I started this adventure. I don't want to allow myself to be lazy this time. The math doesn't lie - and the math tells me that if I can stick to these two simple things: a healthy, balanced diet and regular exercise 3-4 times a week - then I absolutely can reach my ultimate goal weight by the end of this year. 3 weeks ago that was incredibly motivating for me. 3 weeks ago I believed in myself more than I ever have before. THAT is the difference between September 2010 and January 2012. I know, if I'm honest with myself, that when I set out to lose weight in September 2010 I didn't believe I really could do it. Sure, I thought, I could lose maybe 10 or 15lbs. I could get back down to 180. Maybe. I kept telling myself and others, "I've had a child. Let's face it, my body is different. I'll never be 160 again." I was blatantly ignoring the fact that I had gotten back down to 170 for my wedding just 2 years before. Had I kept up with my gym habits after the wedding, I could have been at 160 by Christmas of 2008. Then come January 2012 - just a little over a month after having a second child - I was telling myself, "You can do this and you can do this now. You can accomplish this within the year." So where is this negativity coming from? I feel as if I've never let the scale dictate my mood or motivation before. My clothes are fitting much much better than they were even just a week ago. I understand part of this is my hips, rib cage, etc. shrinking back down to their normal size -- but who cares?! I can comfortably fit into those 18's! A month ago a 20 was snug!
Writing this now is making me feel a lot better. But I'm realizing that my biggest enemy and my biggest obstacle over the next 9-12 months is going to be myself. There is a mean girl that lives inside my head and she wants me to be fat and stay complacent just so she can say, "I told you so. I knew you couldn't do it."
While I was home sick earlier in the week, I caught an episode of Dr. Oz where they spoke to a panel of women who were purposely keeping themselves morbidly obese to cater to the Feederism community (google it). They had a psychologist on the show who specializes in overcoming emotional obstacles for weight loss, and the first question he said every person must ask themselves before attempting to lose weight is: Who told you you were worthless?
This really struck me. I thought it was excellent. If you think you're worthless than why would you want to work to try to lose weight to be healthy? Why would you think you deserved that health if you feel worthless?
Here was my thing... the only person I could really think of that had ever told me I was worthless was.. me. I don't know where it comes from (something I'm working towards figuring out in counseling), but it's definitely there. And that chick in the back of my head.. man, she is MEAN.
I'm hoping that by recognizing that I am my own worst enemy is a giant step in the right direction. I'm hoping to be able to curb that automatic negativity and focus on that positive feeling I had in January. I can be a weight loss success story. I just have to remind myself that not only CAN I be... but I WILL be. I've been thinking about writing positive notes to myself and leaving them posted around the house randomly. This might need to be a project for this week.
- Weight at 2/10/12: 214lbs
- Target points: 36 daily w/ 40 flex points for the week - 24 flex points remaining as of today (flex points reset on Fridays - weigh-in day)
- Goal for the week: hit the gym at least twice
2/8/12
Looking Back
I know it's kind of a cliche with weight loss, but it's funny how when you look at old pictures, you always come across certain pictures and you think, "I looked really good then." but then you can remember feeling like you were totally fat and disgusting at the time.
My moment like that happened yesterday while searching through iPhoto for a goal weight photo. I came across my pictures from my 1 year wedding anniversary. This was right before I REALLY started packing on the pounds. I was around 180 or 185, I suppose. I had gained about 10lbs since my wedding. I remember feeling like I was so large. But looking at those photos yesterday I thought, "I looked great!". Not only did I look great, but I looked COMFORTABLE in my body. Isn't that interesting? I can remember feeling really bad about starting to gain weight.. but I looked so happy and comfortable in my own skin. I think maybe being a newlywed had something to do with it lol. I was also able to pinpoint when I got big enough that I was NOT comfortable in my body anymore... I'm all hunched over in photos, there are a lot where I have my arms crossed over my belly, etc.
I just found that interesting. I hope once I get back down to the 180's that I will be able to consciously recognize how good I really look, how far I've come form where I am today. I hope I will be proud. And I hope that pride will spur me forward to continue eating healthy and exercising frequently in order to reach my ultimate goal weight. And what I hope more than anything is that when I do reach my ultimate goal weight, I will be able to SEE it. To truly see it.
Anyhoo...
I finally got my appetite back a bit last night and the first thing I wanted was a Heath bar Blizzard from Dairy Queen. My husband, being well trained during my pregnancy, immediately ran out to get me one... lol. I'm not sure if that's really a good thing or not. But it was a good thing I didn't eat much of anything the whole rest of the day.. because of the little bit I did eat, that small blizzard ate up (haha) all the rest of my day's Weight Watchers points!
Today I have stayed well within my alloted points. I've made excellent food decisions today:
My moment like that happened yesterday while searching through iPhoto for a goal weight photo. I came across my pictures from my 1 year wedding anniversary. This was right before I REALLY started packing on the pounds. I was around 180 or 185, I suppose. I had gained about 10lbs since my wedding. I remember feeling like I was so large. But looking at those photos yesterday I thought, "I looked great!". Not only did I look great, but I looked COMFORTABLE in my body. Isn't that interesting? I can remember feeling really bad about starting to gain weight.. but I looked so happy and comfortable in my own skin. I think maybe being a newlywed had something to do with it lol. I was also able to pinpoint when I got big enough that I was NOT comfortable in my body anymore... I'm all hunched over in photos, there are a lot where I have my arms crossed over my belly, etc.
I just found that interesting. I hope once I get back down to the 180's that I will be able to consciously recognize how good I really look, how far I've come form where I am today. I hope I will be proud. And I hope that pride will spur me forward to continue eating healthy and exercising frequently in order to reach my ultimate goal weight. And what I hope more than anything is that when I do reach my ultimate goal weight, I will be able to SEE it. To truly see it.
Anyhoo...
I finally got my appetite back a bit last night and the first thing I wanted was a Heath bar Blizzard from Dairy Queen. My husband, being well trained during my pregnancy, immediately ran out to get me one... lol. I'm not sure if that's really a good thing or not. But it was a good thing I didn't eat much of anything the whole rest of the day.. because of the little bit I did eat, that small blizzard ate up (haha) all the rest of my day's Weight Watchers points!
Today I have stayed well within my alloted points. I've made excellent food decisions today:
- breakfast: cranberry & flaxseed oatmeal, a pear
- lunch: 1oz of sharp cheddar with 10 triscuits
- afternoon snack: tea latte
- dinner: romaine salad w/ shredded mozzarella cheese and some homemade ranch dressing, Progresso loaded potato soup
- evening snack: 1 square of dark chocolate
Tonight I've finally started to feel like a normal person again. My congestion is almost completely cleared up, I've coughed very little, I'm no longer running fever, and I feel like I may have finally gotten enough rest and sleep. I'll return to work tomorrow. I'm not sure how I feel about that, but maybe in returning to work I'll be able to get back into a good gym routine. I'm supposed to go to the movies tomorrow night, so I haven't quite decided whether or not I'll go to the gym tomorrow. I think maybe I'll wait for Friday. This will also give me one more day to make sure I'm not still harboring this virus from hell somewhere inside of me.
Can I just say - one thing I'm really looking forward to tomorrow is getting some Subway for lunch. lol. I feel like that's so silly. But I'm starving for it! I guess better to be craving Subway than McDonalds, right?
2/7/12
Letters from the Sick Ward
Well, it's been a rough week and a half, I'll tell you what!
7 days into February and not a single day in the gym thanks to the virus-from-hell. What started as this weird, feverish, body-achy, sore throaty sort of thing then quickly morphed into this chest-cold-ish bronchitis deliciousness coupled with a little bit o' sinus infection. I started on antibiotics and thought I was getting better. The weekend was pretty "normal" health wise... and then yesterday at work I had chills and abdominal pains all day.. only to come home and realize I was running a 101 fever. VIRUS FROM HELL. Mike informed me everyone in the office had this thing while I was out on maternity leave - his mom was sick for almost two weeks. Basically people kept coming into work while they were sick and leaving on their sickie GERMS everywhere... and then I caught them.
Gross.
I've been suuuuper good with my calories. I even decided to go ahead and re-up my Weight Watchers membership and see if I can get that to work for me this time around - woo! We'll see how it goes. So far, so good. But it's only been a week. I'm pretty stoked about it since I've finally mastered the "make better choices" idea. I did not break my calorie limits once last week. And even with the couple glasses of wine I had on Friday night I stayed within my limit. I'm pretty proud of that. Saturday I had to tap in into my flex points during my date night with Mike, but that's okay. I HAD the flex points to use! Now if I could just start planning my evening meals in advance... that might be a goal to keep in mind for March.
I did finally take some "before" pictures for the blog the last time I was at the gym. They aren't the usual sports-bra and booty shorts photos that let everything hang out in all its fatty glory to shame one into sticking to their diet and exercise plan... but I think they will serve their purpose nonetheless. Look for them to pop up in the sidebar.
I'm really pissed off I haven't been able to exercise. I feel like I'm just wasting all this time and that I'm never going to be able to get into a good exercise routine! I know that's kind of an overreaction, but we are already over a month into the year and I'm stuck at home on the couch with this ridiculous sickness.
I also need to be better about blogging. I have not been consistent with my updates at all. I'm sorry about that, readers. Sick or not, that's something I can definitely be better about.
7 days into February and not a single day in the gym thanks to the virus-from-hell. What started as this weird, feverish, body-achy, sore throaty sort of thing then quickly morphed into this chest-cold-ish bronchitis deliciousness coupled with a little bit o' sinus infection. I started on antibiotics and thought I was getting better. The weekend was pretty "normal" health wise... and then yesterday at work I had chills and abdominal pains all day.. only to come home and realize I was running a 101 fever. VIRUS FROM HELL. Mike informed me everyone in the office had this thing while I was out on maternity leave - his mom was sick for almost two weeks. Basically people kept coming into work while they were sick and leaving on their sickie GERMS everywhere... and then I caught them.
Gross.
I've been suuuuper good with my calories. I even decided to go ahead and re-up my Weight Watchers membership and see if I can get that to work for me this time around - woo! We'll see how it goes. So far, so good. But it's only been a week. I'm pretty stoked about it since I've finally mastered the "make better choices" idea. I did not break my calorie limits once last week. And even with the couple glasses of wine I had on Friday night I stayed within my limit. I'm pretty proud of that. Saturday I had to tap in into my flex points during my date night with Mike, but that's okay. I HAD the flex points to use! Now if I could just start planning my evening meals in advance... that might be a goal to keep in mind for March.
I did finally take some "before" pictures for the blog the last time I was at the gym. They aren't the usual sports-bra and booty shorts photos that let everything hang out in all its fatty glory to shame one into sticking to their diet and exercise plan... but I think they will serve their purpose nonetheless. Look for them to pop up in the sidebar.
I'm really pissed off I haven't been able to exercise. I feel like I'm just wasting all this time and that I'm never going to be able to get into a good exercise routine! I know that's kind of an overreaction, but we are already over a month into the year and I'm stuck at home on the couch with this ridiculous sickness.
I also need to be better about blogging. I have not been consistent with my updates at all. I'm sorry about that, readers. Sick or not, that's something I can definitely be better about.
1/31/12
New goals
Sorry I haven't posted in a while - last week was a little crazy, going back to work and all. I only made it to the gym one day... but I did an hour of dance one day, and then on Saturday took a 3 mile walk with James and even "raced" some of that 3 miles.. oh, 6 yr old energy. Sunday afternoon I started feeling kind of run down, and by bedtime I was sick as a dog. Here we are on Tuesday, and I'm still sick. :( It stinks so bad. I was really looking forward to hitting the gym more than once this week and trying to get back into a good routine. :-\ I've been very careful about my calorie intake since I can't exercise right now, though. And I'm really looking forward to working out again at the end of this week, and hopefully getting into a better routine next week. Mike has been super supportive with my going to the gym, too! So that is going to make things so much easier.
I weighed myself this morning - and I have lost 2lbs (putting me at 214)! lol It's not much, but it's something. I'm on my way. And I'm finally getting my calories under control - with the exception of this past Saturday (I broke the 3,500 mark! I basically ate a pound onto myself, yuck!). But there will be none of that moving forward!!
According to this awesome, handy-dandy little tool on WebMD's website (Diet Evaluator) I should be able to meet my goal weight in 36 weeks like my REAL goal weight... My "I'm a sexy bitch" goal weight... And that ultimate goal weight is 160lbs. And thanks to this hand-dandy tool it looks like if I do what I actually plan to do this is totally realistic. It's going to be so worth the hard work I'm going to put into this effort. I'm so ready for my outside image to match the me I see in my head.
Since my goal weight is 160lbs, that means I have 54lbs to lose from where I am today. I'd like to get close to this goal, if not actually reach it, by October of this year. In order to keep myself on track, I want to set small goals for myself over the next 8-9 months. Therefore:
I weighed myself this morning - and I have lost 2lbs (putting me at 214)! lol It's not much, but it's something. I'm on my way. And I'm finally getting my calories under control - with the exception of this past Saturday (I broke the 3,500 mark! I basically ate a pound onto myself, yuck!). But there will be none of that moving forward!!
According to this awesome, handy-dandy little tool on WebMD's website (Diet Evaluator) I should be able to meet my goal weight in 36 weeks like my REAL goal weight... My "I'm a sexy bitch" goal weight... And that ultimate goal weight is 160lbs. And thanks to this hand-dandy tool it looks like if I do what I actually plan to do this is totally realistic. It's going to be so worth the hard work I'm going to put into this effort. I'm so ready for my outside image to match the me I see in my head.
Since my goal weight is 160lbs, that means I have 54lbs to lose from where I am today. I'd like to get close to this goal, if not actually reach it, by October of this year. In order to keep myself on track, I want to set small goals for myself over the next 8-9 months. Therefore:
- Goal weight by March 1st: 210lbs
- retake measurements
I feel like this is a very realistic goal. February is a shorter month, but if I can keep my eating in check like I have been easing back into and get back in the gym 3-4 times a week like I'd really like to, there's no reason I can't meet this goal or even exceed it.
When I started blogging again at the beginning of this month I know I made a big deal about "waist not weight". It's one of my little positive affirmation dealies that I have listed in my little right-hand menu area. Because I've never really consistently tracked my measurements while attempting to lose weight, I'm not really sure what a realistic "shrinkage" goal is - half an inch in a month? a quarter inch? So right now I'm marking my goals by pounds lost. I plan to retake my measurements today or tomorrow (Feb 1st), to compare to my initial measurements taken January 1st. Since I feel like I didn't really start my weight-loss "plan" until about a week or so ago, I'm not expecting to see much, if any, difference in my measurements. Let's face it - a 2 pound loss in a month is not really a big deal. Considering I haven't really significantly changed my habits, I'm pretty happy with it. But with the habit changes firmly in place, I will definitely expect some better results for the month of February. I'm hoping by comparing my inches lost from February 1st to March 1st I can get a good idea of what to expect of myself moving forward and can set "shrinkage" goals as well as actual weight loss goals - therefore sticking more firmly to my Waist Not Weight mantra.
To address my January goals - I'm back to drinking soda only once or twice a week (if that), I did manage to sugar detox but without really purposely doing so (whatever works right?), and I'm back to drinking my nearly-a-gallon of water a day. I would say I was pretty successful!
Goals for February:
- Gym it at least 3 times a week
- Keep calories at 2100 or less on gym days
- Keep calories at 1800 or less on non-gym days
- Lose 4lbs
- Post "before" pictures
1/22/12
Every little bit counts.. right?
Sorry I have been pretty bad about posting the last week or so... baby Nolan has moved into a "I'm not ever happy in the afternoons or evenings" phase, and these are usually the times when I get the motivation and sit down and bang out a blog post.
So I haven't been tracking calories at all for going on about 2 weeks now. There's no excuse other than I just can't remember to do it. And when I do remember to log in.. I can't remember what I've eaten. Oh mommy brain... please, please go away.
One morning last week I did about 2 mins worth of modified plank, and a couple sets of boat pose... for those of you that aren't familiar, these are two of the best yoga poses to strengthen your lower abdominal muscles. Y'know... those muscles that are currently moonlighting as my "mommy pouch", also known as "we keep you from fitting into your old pants without being incredibly uncomfortable". One morning a week ain't gonna cut it though... I'm well aware.
This little voice in me somewhere keeps saying, "Do one of your billion of yoga DVDs when the baby takes one of his daytime naps." and then another little voice says, "Yes! That is a brilliant idea! We love it!", and then my depression says, "Fuck that shit. Yoga during nap times can kiss my big fat ass. SLEEP and/or CRY during daytime naps only." Unfortunately depression keeps winning because he's a big bully that is sometimes hard to control.
So I think it's time I come out with something.. I've been in counseling since August. Just typing that still feels like I'm sharing something that I'm not proud of and that isn't anyone's business. Which, in turn, makes me feel like a hypocrite because I believe that EVERYONE can benefit from talk therapy and have encouraged sooo many friends to seek out counseling for their own problems... but I for some reason still feel like admitting that I'm seeing a counselor is somehow admitting that I fail at my life. I logically understand that that is a really irrational thing to think and/or feel, but it's still there a little bit.
I wanted to get that out there, so you readers know that I'm currently in treatment for my depression, and so you needn't worry that I'm just flailing wildly in the throes of self pity. There are days.. but mostly things are good, and I definitely owe that to seeking out counseling.
So there's that.
Speaking of depression... I start work again this Monday. I'm terrified not only of being buried in 2 months of work, but also (and more so) of being away from Nolan all day almost every day. On top of this, I did finally renew my gym membership and starting this week I'd like to get my big butt back in there and shed some of these extra 40lbs I'm toting around. My good friend is getting married in October and I'm in the wedding party - I'd like to be able to order my bridesmaid dress in a 14 instead of a 20. I don't think that's too much to ask of myself over the course of the next 10 months. The first step to accomplishing that goal is getting back into a workout routine... but part of me feels like that's just more time away from my littlest kiddo. There's another terrible voice in my head that likes to repeat this mantra, "There will always be time to lose the weight later." NO! NO THERE WON'T BE, VOICE! YOU SHUT YOUR WHORE MOUTH!
I just know that, much like 2010, all of a sudden June will roll around and I will still be fat.. not only will I still be fat, but there's a very distinct possibility that I'll be even FATTER. No bueno, folks.
Okay, the name of this post... not only does that refer to exercise, but it needs to also refer to eating. And I have been much better about my food choices since my last post. Much less sugar. Although I have not officially sugar detoxed, I have noticed my cravings for sweets diminishing quite a bit. I've almost completely kicked my soda habit as well... although I may owe that to my ability to drink beer again lol.
All in all I feel like I'm slowly getting back on track to where I was before getting pregnant (and consequently being nauseated all the time), and I have faith that within the next month I will be back on a regular workout routine. That will be my biggest challenge. Knowing how I am, it will be so hard for me to not just try to jump right into my "normal" cardio/strength routines and I really just need to start from the very beginning as if I've never exercised before. That means for the first 2 months (at least), doing some low intensity cardio and starting my weight lifting at like.. 15lbs. Even though I was doing like 50-60lbs for most exercises and benching about 120... :-\
Positivity is the key!!
So I haven't been tracking calories at all for going on about 2 weeks now. There's no excuse other than I just can't remember to do it. And when I do remember to log in.. I can't remember what I've eaten. Oh mommy brain... please, please go away.
One morning last week I did about 2 mins worth of modified plank, and a couple sets of boat pose... for those of you that aren't familiar, these are two of the best yoga poses to strengthen your lower abdominal muscles. Y'know... those muscles that are currently moonlighting as my "mommy pouch", also known as "we keep you from fitting into your old pants without being incredibly uncomfortable". One morning a week ain't gonna cut it though... I'm well aware.
This little voice in me somewhere keeps saying, "Do one of your billion of yoga DVDs when the baby takes one of his daytime naps." and then another little voice says, "Yes! That is a brilliant idea! We love it!", and then my depression says, "Fuck that shit. Yoga during nap times can kiss my big fat ass. SLEEP and/or CRY during daytime naps only." Unfortunately depression keeps winning because he's a big bully that is sometimes hard to control.
So I think it's time I come out with something.. I've been in counseling since August. Just typing that still feels like I'm sharing something that I'm not proud of and that isn't anyone's business. Which, in turn, makes me feel like a hypocrite because I believe that EVERYONE can benefit from talk therapy and have encouraged sooo many friends to seek out counseling for their own problems... but I for some reason still feel like admitting that I'm seeing a counselor is somehow admitting that I fail at my life. I logically understand that that is a really irrational thing to think and/or feel, but it's still there a little bit.
I wanted to get that out there, so you readers know that I'm currently in treatment for my depression, and so you needn't worry that I'm just flailing wildly in the throes of self pity. There are days.. but mostly things are good, and I definitely owe that to seeking out counseling.
So there's that.
Speaking of depression... I start work again this Monday. I'm terrified not only of being buried in 2 months of work, but also (and more so) of being away from Nolan all day almost every day. On top of this, I did finally renew my gym membership and starting this week I'd like to get my big butt back in there and shed some of these extra 40lbs I'm toting around. My good friend is getting married in October and I'm in the wedding party - I'd like to be able to order my bridesmaid dress in a 14 instead of a 20. I don't think that's too much to ask of myself over the course of the next 10 months. The first step to accomplishing that goal is getting back into a workout routine... but part of me feels like that's just more time away from my littlest kiddo. There's another terrible voice in my head that likes to repeat this mantra, "There will always be time to lose the weight later." NO! NO THERE WON'T BE, VOICE! YOU SHUT YOUR WHORE MOUTH!
I just know that, much like 2010, all of a sudden June will roll around and I will still be fat.. not only will I still be fat, but there's a very distinct possibility that I'll be even FATTER. No bueno, folks.
Okay, the name of this post... not only does that refer to exercise, but it needs to also refer to eating. And I have been much better about my food choices since my last post. Much less sugar. Although I have not officially sugar detoxed, I have noticed my cravings for sweets diminishing quite a bit. I've almost completely kicked my soda habit as well... although I may owe that to my ability to drink beer again lol.
All in all I feel like I'm slowly getting back on track to where I was before getting pregnant (and consequently being nauseated all the time), and I have faith that within the next month I will be back on a regular workout routine. That will be my biggest challenge. Knowing how I am, it will be so hard for me to not just try to jump right into my "normal" cardio/strength routines and I really just need to start from the very beginning as if I've never exercised before. That means for the first 2 months (at least), doing some low intensity cardio and starting my weight lifting at like.. 15lbs. Even though I was doing like 50-60lbs for most exercises and benching about 120... :-\
Positivity is the key!!
1/11/12
Mariah Carey, please die...
Has anyone noticed the ridiculous obnoxiousness that is the new Jenny Craig campaign? It's Mariah Carey being whore-ish and disgusting all over my tv all day long everyday. I hate it hate it hate it and if I ever thought I might be up for trying Jenny Craig, this campaign has completely ruined any chance of that ever happening. Ever. I just wanted to vent about that because I hate it SO MUCH.
Also, most of my regular readers know I did Weight Watchers online around this time last year... I've been considering re-upping my online membership, but I didn't really do so hot with it the first time around so I'm not sure I want to spend the money. Also also... their new commercial campaign makes me want to stab myself in the eyes and ears with a fork as well and it sort of makes me want to avoid giving them any of my money. -.-
My eating has been really yo-yo-ing lately and I'm sure it's destroying what little metabolism I have left. My calorie intake has been fluctuating like crazy... goes a little something like this: 1'866, 1'286, 2'091, 900, 3'000, 1745.... hmm. Also: 3'000 CALORIES!!! WHAT. THE. EFF. Not okay. Especially since I am not exercising at all. I know, I know. It's no bueno. ...okay, okay, I did dance it up on the Wii while the baby was napping... which was super fun even by myself. And what's sad is I already feel a little sore from this. #howfarIhavefallen
...yes, I just hashtagged in my blog...
So speaking of eating... I seem to have lost all willpower to avoid sweets. I have become a sugar addict all over again. And each evening around this time (dinner time), I think to myself, "Self, tomorrow you should have some plain oatmeal with stevia and a fruit smoothie with whey protein for breakfast... it's sweet, but at least it's natural sugar and not high-fructose corn syrup sugar.." and then I think, "Why, yes, Self! What a brilliant idea! What an awesome person you are for thinking such wonderful things!" and then I wake up the next day and I stumble into the kitchen after a night of dealing with baby things and I see the Honey Bunches of Oats with Almonds calling my name.. and I eat a gigantic bowl of them... and sometimes go back for seconds... and sometimes I have that for lunch too... or perhaps I'll switch it up by having some cinnamon toast crunch, or perhaps some Life! You get the gist...
So yes. I need to just man-up and sugar detox in a bad bad way on top of getting some exercise in my life.
Also, most of my regular readers know I did Weight Watchers online around this time last year... I've been considering re-upping my online membership, but I didn't really do so hot with it the first time around so I'm not sure I want to spend the money. Also also... their new commercial campaign makes me want to stab myself in the eyes and ears with a fork as well and it sort of makes me want to avoid giving them any of my money. -.-
My eating has been really yo-yo-ing lately and I'm sure it's destroying what little metabolism I have left. My calorie intake has been fluctuating like crazy... goes a little something like this: 1'866, 1'286, 2'091, 900, 3'000, 1745.... hmm. Also: 3'000 CALORIES!!! WHAT. THE. EFF. Not okay. Especially since I am not exercising at all. I know, I know. It's no bueno. ...okay, okay, I did dance it up on the Wii while the baby was napping... which was super fun even by myself. And what's sad is I already feel a little sore from this. #howfarIhavefallen
...yes, I just hashtagged in my blog...
So speaking of eating... I seem to have lost all willpower to avoid sweets. I have become a sugar addict all over again. And each evening around this time (dinner time), I think to myself, "Self, tomorrow you should have some plain oatmeal with stevia and a fruit smoothie with whey protein for breakfast... it's sweet, but at least it's natural sugar and not high-fructose corn syrup sugar.." and then I think, "Why, yes, Self! What a brilliant idea! What an awesome person you are for thinking such wonderful things!" and then I wake up the next day and I stumble into the kitchen after a night of dealing with baby things and I see the Honey Bunches of Oats with Almonds calling my name.. and I eat a gigantic bowl of them... and sometimes go back for seconds... and sometimes I have that for lunch too... or perhaps I'll switch it up by having some cinnamon toast crunch, or perhaps some Life! You get the gist...
So yes. I need to just man-up and sugar detox in a bad bad way on top of getting some exercise in my life.
1/4/12
A little bit of honesty
Well, I have to be honest with you guys - I did not go and renew my gym membership today. Sometimes accomplishing things with a baby in tow isn't as easy as you think it will be when you picture them in your head.
I DID go to the doctor today, though, and I did get the okay to start exercising normally again. I was also told I have a "really little uterus"... whatever that means lol. I guess my innards do an excellent job of bouncing back from child carrying and childbearing. I wish my outsides would hop on the bandwagon! I also got... BIRTH CONTROL!! I can't even tell you how happy that makes me! No more babies for me, thank you. Just going back on the pill for now. My skin will thank me. It got so bad after going off the pill and was pretty terrible during most of my pregnancy until the very end.
I read a blog post and a really interesting article/interview today. I will share those links right now:
The Great Fitness Experiment - Flat Abs Myth
Why Women Need Fat
I have both the books mentioned in the blog post in my Amazon cart currently. I may check to see if they have them at the library first. I'm very interested in looking into this further! I've always felt like BMI was a total crock... Anyone watch Rachel vs. Guy: Celebrity Cook-off Challenge? Well, if you do you have probably noticed Miss USA Alyssa Capanella... she is just short of 5'9" and weighs... wait for it.. 118lbs. It's disgusting. To me, she literally looks like a concentration camp victim. I can't find a picture from the show to post.. but trust me. She has certainly lost weight since winning the Miss USA title. The pictures from the pageant - she's thin, but she certainly isn't sickly looking. According to a BMI calculator she is within "normal" range, at a BMI of 18. Also the fact that most professional athletes fall into the "obese" range just makes it totally obvious to me that BMI is a crap way of measuring healthy body weight.
In other news, I did much better with my eating today. Oatmeal, fiber one bar, a turkey sandwich on a bagel, triscuits and cheese, carrots and celery with some ranch dip, and I believe I exceeded my goal of 64oz of water for the day. I also avoided soda! Win! I did drink a couple beers tonight, but after nearly a year of no alcohol I'm not totally giving up my beer and wine any time soon. I am, however, avoiding liquor. I had strange reactions to liquor after James was born. For those of you that aren't aware - your body chemistry completely changes during and after pregnancy and for me that manifested in bizarre reactions to liquor.. so I'm not pushing my luck this time around.
I think my main focus for this month should be getting my poor eating habits in check. Especially since it's I can't jump right in to hardcore exercise right away - I think it will do my body a world of good to feed it healthy, whole foods as much as I can while I start incorporating some low intensity cardio back into the mix. I need to sit down and put together a plan to work myself back up to my regular cardio/weight routine over the next couple months. I'm think by March or at least April there's not reason I shouldn't be almost completely back up to speed.
Hope you all had a great day and are enjoying what we've had of the new year so far - more later!
I DID go to the doctor today, though, and I did get the okay to start exercising normally again. I was also told I have a "really little uterus"... whatever that means lol. I guess my innards do an excellent job of bouncing back from child carrying and childbearing. I wish my outsides would hop on the bandwagon! I also got... BIRTH CONTROL!! I can't even tell you how happy that makes me! No more babies for me, thank you. Just going back on the pill for now. My skin will thank me. It got so bad after going off the pill and was pretty terrible during most of my pregnancy until the very end.
I read a blog post and a really interesting article/interview today. I will share those links right now:
The Great Fitness Experiment - Flat Abs Myth
Why Women Need Fat
I have both the books mentioned in the blog post in my Amazon cart currently. I may check to see if they have them at the library first. I'm very interested in looking into this further! I've always felt like BMI was a total crock... Anyone watch Rachel vs. Guy: Celebrity Cook-off Challenge? Well, if you do you have probably noticed Miss USA Alyssa Capanella... she is just short of 5'9" and weighs... wait for it.. 118lbs. It's disgusting. To me, she literally looks like a concentration camp victim. I can't find a picture from the show to post.. but trust me. She has certainly lost weight since winning the Miss USA title. The pictures from the pageant - she's thin, but she certainly isn't sickly looking. According to a BMI calculator she is within "normal" range, at a BMI of 18. Also the fact that most professional athletes fall into the "obese" range just makes it totally obvious to me that BMI is a crap way of measuring healthy body weight.
In other news, I did much better with my eating today. Oatmeal, fiber one bar, a turkey sandwich on a bagel, triscuits and cheese, carrots and celery with some ranch dip, and I believe I exceeded my goal of 64oz of water for the day. I also avoided soda! Win! I did drink a couple beers tonight, but after nearly a year of no alcohol I'm not totally giving up my beer and wine any time soon. I am, however, avoiding liquor. I had strange reactions to liquor after James was born. For those of you that aren't aware - your body chemistry completely changes during and after pregnancy and for me that manifested in bizarre reactions to liquor.. so I'm not pushing my luck this time around.
I think my main focus for this month should be getting my poor eating habits in check. Especially since it's I can't jump right in to hardcore exercise right away - I think it will do my body a world of good to feed it healthy, whole foods as much as I can while I start incorporating some low intensity cardio back into the mix. I need to sit down and put together a plan to work myself back up to my regular cardio/weight routine over the next couple months. I'm think by March or at least April there's not reason I shouldn't be almost completely back up to speed.
Hope you all had a great day and are enjoying what we've had of the new year so far - more later!
1/3/12
Mommy Guilt
Warning: for you dude readers out there, I'm about to wax philosophical on breast-feeding and other new mom stuff. so just FYI.
So let me just say that quitting breast-feeding SUCKS. My boobs hurt like whoa. My mommy guilt is in full swing, and I'm just kind of all around miserable. Not only do I have all the general feeling bad about not offering my baby what's "best" for him because I hated it and it made me want to die a little bit, but I feel like I'm basically ditching the easiest "diet" on the planet because of selfishness. But I have a feeling that breast-feeding wasn't going to be the magical weight-loss machine for me like it is for others anyway.. so I'm trying to just let it all go. And let go the fact that I'm pretty sure Nolan is now developing a milk allergy (most regular formula is milk-based, for those of you that don't know).. and so I've got even MORE mommy guilt over switching to formula because of that. It will all work out, I know. Right now with my boobs wanting to explode and my infant super fussy and gassy and angry all the time it just feels like things will never be "normal" again.
Tomorrow is the Big Day - I go for my postpartum appointment and should be getting the go-ahead to return to normal exercise and resume intimate activities if I so choose.. also BIRTH CONTROL!! YAY!!! That will also help my milk dry up faster which will be super great.
I've been thinking a lot about the goals I want to set for myself. I'm trying to decide what I want to do about calorie counting especially. I've been tracking my food since the 1st, and currently have my daily intake set at 1600 - although I'm not really stuck on that. That's just what it says I need to be at in order to lose a pound a week. One of my goals is definitely going to be finishing Dr. Oz's YOU: On a Diet book that I started reading in July or August and then abandoned a couple weeks later. I also really need to sugar detox. In fact that should probably be my number 1 goal for this month more than anything else - even getting back in the gym. I haven't been a soda drinker since I was probably 16 or 17, and lately I'm almost as addicted as Mike. I've gone from having maybe one soda a week to having at least one a day. It's terrible! Plus I've gone from drinking a gallon of water a day, to drinking almost no water... terrible terrible. Okay.. so here's what I'll start with:
So let me just say that quitting breast-feeding SUCKS. My boobs hurt like whoa. My mommy guilt is in full swing, and I'm just kind of all around miserable. Not only do I have all the general feeling bad about not offering my baby what's "best" for him because I hated it and it made me want to die a little bit, but I feel like I'm basically ditching the easiest "diet" on the planet because of selfishness. But I have a feeling that breast-feeding wasn't going to be the magical weight-loss machine for me like it is for others anyway.. so I'm trying to just let it all go. And let go the fact that I'm pretty sure Nolan is now developing a milk allergy (most regular formula is milk-based, for those of you that don't know).. and so I've got even MORE mommy guilt over switching to formula because of that. It will all work out, I know. Right now with my boobs wanting to explode and my infant super fussy and gassy and angry all the time it just feels like things will never be "normal" again.
Tomorrow is the Big Day - I go for my postpartum appointment and should be getting the go-ahead to return to normal exercise and resume intimate activities if I so choose.. also BIRTH CONTROL!! YAY!!! That will also help my milk dry up faster which will be super great.
I've been thinking a lot about the goals I want to set for myself. I'm trying to decide what I want to do about calorie counting especially. I've been tracking my food since the 1st, and currently have my daily intake set at 1600 - although I'm not really stuck on that. That's just what it says I need to be at in order to lose a pound a week. One of my goals is definitely going to be finishing Dr. Oz's YOU: On a Diet book that I started reading in July or August and then abandoned a couple weeks later. I also really need to sugar detox. In fact that should probably be my number 1 goal for this month more than anything else - even getting back in the gym. I haven't been a soda drinker since I was probably 16 or 17, and lately I'm almost as addicted as Mike. I've gone from having maybe one soda a week to having at least one a day. It's terrible! Plus I've gone from drinking a gallon of water a day, to drinking almost no water... terrible terrible. Okay.. so here's what I'll start with:
- Sugar detox by the end of January
- Cut soda back to 3x's a week effective immediately (this will obviously kind of coincide with sugar detoxing, but I can start this before a full-out sugar detox)
- Drink at least 64oz of water a day effective immediately
Other things I should toss around is eating at least one piece of fruit a day, and at least one vegetable. Oh, how far my eating habits have fallen. It's really bad. I was regularly eating my "Strive for Five" and then some everyday this time last year. That 3 months of morning sickness really killed me. My fridge has also decided to freeze everything that goes in it's vegetables drawer so I really need to figure out what is up with that so that I can start keeping vegetables in there without them getting ruined by freezing/thawing! Lettuce gets totally destroyed by that...
So, hopefully in the next couple days I'll have a more definitive list of goals for the month.
1/1/12
Begin Again
It is now 2012. I now have a newborn baby. I now have gained back all the weight I had lost prior to pregnancy and then-some. I now begin my weight-loss journey again. At this moment I have a renewed exuberance for getting healthy... and by healthy, I really mean skinny but by healthy means.
2012 has to be about being honest with myself. My success was limited before by my tendency to let myself slide. I would underestimate my calorie intake and overestimate my fitness/activity level. I'm sure this didn't impress anyone, nor did it do anything for getting me to my weight-loss goal. This year I have to hold myself accountable, and by being 100% honest in my blogging about my progress I'm hoping I can do a better job of that.
My number one priority for improving my health in 2012 is continual education when it comes to my body, the foods that are good for it, and the exercise necessary to keep it strong. I shall become a devourer of fitness/health/diet information.
My second priority is to not be so hard on myself. I must constantly remind myself that it took me 9 months to gain this weight, and it will take me 9-12 months to lose it. I will not magically get myself down to 160lbs in 3-4 months, nor should I expect to be able to. To lose such a large amount of weight in such a short amount of time would be incredibly unhealthy, and I need to recognize that.
My third priority is to focus on "waist not weight". Although I will weigh myself weekly as part of staying accountable - my main course for tracking my success should be in inches lost, not the number on the scale as this can sometimes be deceptive.
Now to lay it all out... my fluctuation since starting this blog:
September 2010:
2012 has to be about being honest with myself. My success was limited before by my tendency to let myself slide. I would underestimate my calorie intake and overestimate my fitness/activity level. I'm sure this didn't impress anyone, nor did it do anything for getting me to my weight-loss goal. This year I have to hold myself accountable, and by being 100% honest in my blogging about my progress I'm hoping I can do a better job of that.
My number one priority for improving my health in 2012 is continual education when it comes to my body, the foods that are good for it, and the exercise necessary to keep it strong. I shall become a devourer of fitness/health/diet information.
My second priority is to not be so hard on myself. I must constantly remind myself that it took me 9 months to gain this weight, and it will take me 9-12 months to lose it. I will not magically get myself down to 160lbs in 3-4 months, nor should I expect to be able to. To lose such a large amount of weight in such a short amount of time would be incredibly unhealthy, and I need to recognize that.
My third priority is to focus on "waist not weight". Although I will weigh myself weekly as part of staying accountable - my main course for tracking my success should be in inches lost, not the number on the scale as this can sometimes be deceptive.
Now to lay it all out... my fluctuation since starting this blog:
September 2010:
- Weight: 205lbs (I had a really crappy scale, so I think this number was probably closer to 210 or 212)
- chest: 41"
- waist: 37"
- hips: 47"
- thighs: 27.5"
- biceps flexing: 13.5"
- weight: 197lbs
- chest: 39"
- waist: 34"
- hips: 45"
- thighs: 26"
- biceps flexing: 13"
- weight: 216lbs
- chest: 43"
- waist: 37"
- hips: 48.5"
- thighs: 28"
- biceps flexing: 13"
So there it is. I'm thinking about posting some "before" pictures as well, just to keep things in perspective for myself. Looking at purely measurements, I'm not really much bigger today than I was in Sept of 2010, but I surely feel much larger. When I look at pictures from then I feel like I looked quite a bit slimmer than I do now... the other tell-tale sign: none of those clothes from late 2010 fit anymore. That's a BIG sign that regardless of what the inches say, I'm carrying my weight much differently today.
I go for my postpartum check-up on Wednesday, and am hoping to go from there straight to the gym to renew my membership and get a workout in. I need to take it slowly, which is going to kill me... my gut reaction on how to workout after taking an extended hiatus is always to kick my own ass as hard as I can. This is not an acceptable option when you've just had a baby a month ago. My core muscles have some of that natural separation and I need to be really careful using those muscles in all my movement while exercising, otherwise that separation could get worse and completely derail my workouts for months to come.
I'll be starting with 20-30 minutes of low-intensity cardio and light weights. I need to resign myself now to the fact that this is probably all I should attempt until mid-to-late February. That's going to take some serious mental effort!
9/21/11
A Year in Review
Today marks one year since I started this blog. After reading over some of my early posts, I realize I've come a long way and back again. Not sure how I feel about the "back again" part, but some of those things I was hoping for my body are now out of my control.. what with being pregnant and all. The baby kind of decides what happens from here lol.
I'm quite a bit heavier today than I was a year ago. I guess that's kind of stating the obvious. I'm sure almost all of my measurements are larger than they were then. I've packed on quite a bit of weight aside form just the "baby" weight. I have not been good about keeping my blog updated at all, either. Some days I feel pretty awful about that and other days I feel like it doesn't really matter since I can't really obsess over body image right now. I'm trying to make healthy decisions, pregnant or not, but I definitely have my moments where all I want is a fricken brownie - and therefore brownies (and ice cream, and milkshakes, and cheese fries, and pizza...) happen and happen often.
I'm already devising my plan for attaining that illusive "skinny" (or even "slender" at this point) after I am not longer host to my perfect little parasite.
I started reading Dr. Oz's YOU: On A Diet. I'm about a quarter of the way through it and then got distracted by life... I also was starting to feel pretty depressed about not being able to put my plan into action yet. I'm excited to get back to it. One of the small steps I'm trying to take right now is cooking every night. I'm nowhere close to it yet, but I'm going to try to start planning menus in advance like I used to do way back in the day. I feel like even this is a huge task to take on since my third trimester exhaustion is kicking in full force.
Another thing I want to focus on in the next year is "teaching" my family how to eat better. My skinny skinny little kiddo has started packing on the chub. I'm hoping/thinking this may be storage for a giant growth spurt that's about to happen... but there's no reason I should be feeding him processed crap for dinner every night of the week. He's old enough now that when I do cook he's pretty good about trying new things and has even realized he likes some of the "healthier" things. We do pretty well for breakfast and lunch... it's just the dinner issue. Things like mac'n'cheese, fishsticks, chicken nuggets, hot dogs... terrible terrible.
I'm kind of all over the place with this post. I have a hard time focusing on things lately - another reason why I don't post very often.
My baby is due around Thanksgiving... so sometime around the New Year you should expect to start seeing more regular updates!
I'm quite a bit heavier today than I was a year ago. I guess that's kind of stating the obvious. I'm sure almost all of my measurements are larger than they were then. I've packed on quite a bit of weight aside form just the "baby" weight. I have not been good about keeping my blog updated at all, either. Some days I feel pretty awful about that and other days I feel like it doesn't really matter since I can't really obsess over body image right now. I'm trying to make healthy decisions, pregnant or not, but I definitely have my moments where all I want is a fricken brownie - and therefore brownies (and ice cream, and milkshakes, and cheese fries, and pizza...) happen and happen often.
I'm already devising my plan for attaining that illusive "skinny" (or even "slender" at this point) after I am not longer host to my perfect little parasite.
I started reading Dr. Oz's YOU: On A Diet. I'm about a quarter of the way through it and then got distracted by life... I also was starting to feel pretty depressed about not being able to put my plan into action yet. I'm excited to get back to it. One of the small steps I'm trying to take right now is cooking every night. I'm nowhere close to it yet, but I'm going to try to start planning menus in advance like I used to do way back in the day. I feel like even this is a huge task to take on since my third trimester exhaustion is kicking in full force.
Another thing I want to focus on in the next year is "teaching" my family how to eat better. My skinny skinny little kiddo has started packing on the chub. I'm hoping/thinking this may be storage for a giant growth spurt that's about to happen... but there's no reason I should be feeding him processed crap for dinner every night of the week. He's old enough now that when I do cook he's pretty good about trying new things and has even realized he likes some of the "healthier" things. We do pretty well for breakfast and lunch... it's just the dinner issue. Things like mac'n'cheese, fishsticks, chicken nuggets, hot dogs... terrible terrible.
I'm kind of all over the place with this post. I have a hard time focusing on things lately - another reason why I don't post very often.
My baby is due around Thanksgiving... so sometime around the New Year you should expect to start seeing more regular updates!
7/15/11
A grand return! (Hopefully...)
Wow. Talk about slacking on my blog updating. I'm so awesome.
Okay, so since my last post almost a MONTH AGO... I've had a couple of doctor's appointments.. one where I was told I've already gained too much weight (16lbs by week 19, they wanted be to gain 15lbs or less for the entire 40 weeks -- I'm currently at 215lbs) and I was then told to look into the South Beach Diet in order to maintain my weight through the remainder of my pregnancy (I'll elaborate more on this in a moment).. the second we got a comprehensive "anatomy" ultrasound and found out: WE'RE HAVING A BOY! :)
No name picked out yet. It's been a bit of a struggle.
So let's get back to the first doc appointment - the one where I was told I'm super overweight and that I'm basically guaranteeing myself a difficult 3rd trimester if I keep at the pace I'm currently going. The bout of depression sparked from this was a little intense. I'm not entirely sure I'm out of it yet. It's made me want to eat lots of junk food, which of course just would make me feel even MORE depressed. The last 2 weeks has definitely been a struggle and I'm trying really hard not to completely obsess over food and food intake to an unhealthy degree. I think there are days where I definitely have NOT succeeded in keeping my mental health regarding food and my weight.
I can't even accurately put into words my shock at being told to follow the South Beach Diet for the remainder of my pregnancy - thinking that the South Beach Diet was just another Atkins or Zone diet and why the hell would I want to cut out all fruits and veggies from my diet in favor for massive amounts of meat and cheese? I thought South Beach was your run of the mill no-carb/low-carb diet. But after a couple days of beating myself up for being a fatty, I decided to look into it... turns out South Beach is much closer to the "whole food" diets currently being preached such fitness/health celebrities as Jackie Warner and Dr. Oz. I picked up a paperback copy of the book at my local Borders for $7 and have really enjoyed reading it. The man who developed the diet, Dr. Agatston, is a cardiologist and developed the plan to help his patients who were struggling with controlling not only their weight, but their pre-diabetic and diabetic symptoms on the American Heart Associations high-carb low-fat diet. I haven't finished reading the book yet, but so far I'm quite impressed with all the medical background and information provided on how what you eat effects your body -- most specifically your blood chemistry which is responsible for keeping your entire body running smoothly and efficiently. I think this might be something I can actually do and stick with, and might enjoy in the process.
The only negative thing I have to say about it so far is the encouragement to use artificial sweeteners, which I'm SUPER against unless you're going for something derived from natural sources such as stevia. Once I finish the book, and if I decide to give this lifestyle a try, I'll be tweaking things a bit to get rid of any saccharin/aspartame/sucralose use suggested. I think I'd like to read Dr. Roizen and Dr. Oz's YOU: On a Diet before committing to South Beach, though.
Some of the other things going on with me: I keep thinking I should really get back into my gym routine. I've been doing a lot of reading about fitness during pregnancy, and it sounds like it would be perfectly fine for me to do my usual weight training as long as I make sure to not push myself to extremes, and also lighten up my weight just a little bit. I feel like I at least need to commit to 20 mins of cardio every day weather it's at the gym or just walking around my neighborhood.
Now for the fun stuff - Mike and I are VERY EXCITED that we are having another boy! :) This weekend we are going to work toward getting the guest room cleaned out to turn it into the nursery. I think that will really make me feel better about everything going on with me right now - getting things cleaned and organized, and next weekend hopefully getting some painting done will make me feel like I'm accomplishing things and being productive.
So there is a brief overview of what's been going on with me! I'm going to really work on being better about updating - try and hold me to it!
Okay, so since my last post almost a MONTH AGO... I've had a couple of doctor's appointments.. one where I was told I've already gained too much weight (16lbs by week 19, they wanted be to gain 15lbs or less for the entire 40 weeks -- I'm currently at 215lbs) and I was then told to look into the South Beach Diet in order to maintain my weight through the remainder of my pregnancy (I'll elaborate more on this in a moment).. the second we got a comprehensive "anatomy" ultrasound and found out: WE'RE HAVING A BOY! :)
No name picked out yet. It's been a bit of a struggle.
So let's get back to the first doc appointment - the one where I was told I'm super overweight and that I'm basically guaranteeing myself a difficult 3rd trimester if I keep at the pace I'm currently going. The bout of depression sparked from this was a little intense. I'm not entirely sure I'm out of it yet. It's made me want to eat lots of junk food, which of course just would make me feel even MORE depressed. The last 2 weeks has definitely been a struggle and I'm trying really hard not to completely obsess over food and food intake to an unhealthy degree. I think there are days where I definitely have NOT succeeded in keeping my mental health regarding food and my weight.
I can't even accurately put into words my shock at being told to follow the South Beach Diet for the remainder of my pregnancy - thinking that the South Beach Diet was just another Atkins or Zone diet and why the hell would I want to cut out all fruits and veggies from my diet in favor for massive amounts of meat and cheese? I thought South Beach was your run of the mill no-carb/low-carb diet. But after a couple days of beating myself up for being a fatty, I decided to look into it... turns out South Beach is much closer to the "whole food" diets currently being preached such fitness/health celebrities as Jackie Warner and Dr. Oz. I picked up a paperback copy of the book at my local Borders for $7 and have really enjoyed reading it. The man who developed the diet, Dr. Agatston, is a cardiologist and developed the plan to help his patients who were struggling with controlling not only their weight, but their pre-diabetic and diabetic symptoms on the American Heart Associations high-carb low-fat diet. I haven't finished reading the book yet, but so far I'm quite impressed with all the medical background and information provided on how what you eat effects your body -- most specifically your blood chemistry which is responsible for keeping your entire body running smoothly and efficiently. I think this might be something I can actually do and stick with, and might enjoy in the process.
The only negative thing I have to say about it so far is the encouragement to use artificial sweeteners, which I'm SUPER against unless you're going for something derived from natural sources such as stevia. Once I finish the book, and if I decide to give this lifestyle a try, I'll be tweaking things a bit to get rid of any saccharin/aspartame/sucralose use suggested. I think I'd like to read Dr. Roizen and Dr. Oz's YOU: On a Diet before committing to South Beach, though.
Some of the other things going on with me: I keep thinking I should really get back into my gym routine. I've been doing a lot of reading about fitness during pregnancy, and it sounds like it would be perfectly fine for me to do my usual weight training as long as I make sure to not push myself to extremes, and also lighten up my weight just a little bit. I feel like I at least need to commit to 20 mins of cardio every day weather it's at the gym or just walking around my neighborhood.
Now for the fun stuff - Mike and I are VERY EXCITED that we are having another boy! :) This weekend we are going to work toward getting the guest room cleaned out to turn it into the nursery. I think that will really make me feel better about everything going on with me right now - getting things cleaned and organized, and next weekend hopefully getting some painting done will make me feel like I'm accomplishing things and being productive.
So there is a brief overview of what's been going on with me! I'm going to really work on being better about updating - try and hold me to it!
6/27/11
This Weekend
Well, I already told you guys I didn't count calories on Friday.. and then had this brilliant idea so go and ahead and calculate them "just to see"... yes, well, I stopped when I got to 3'000 by lunch... eesh. I'm just going to try to forget about that. MOVING ON!
Saturday I did awesome, even with dinner out. And yesterday was a win until I decided to eat half a pint of Ben & Jerry's while watching the True Blood premiere (AHHH!! LOVE IT!).. but now that ice cream is gone and I don't have to worry about that anymore lol. On to the stats..
Sat. 6/25:
Saturday I did awesome, even with dinner out. And yesterday was a win until I decided to eat half a pint of Ben & Jerry's while watching the True Blood premiere (AHHH!! LOVE IT!).. but now that ice cream is gone and I don't have to worry about that anymore lol. On to the stats..
Sat. 6/25:
- net calories: 2,072
- breakfast: quaker Oh's with milk
- am/pm snacks: nectarine, Jell-O strawberry cheesecake pudding thing, a normal serving of ice cream
- lunch: deli chicken sandwich w/ chips
- dinner: steak fajitas w/o tortillas, some chips and salsa/queso
- no exercise - BOOOOO
- 1am bedtime - also BOOOOO
Sun. 6/26:
- net calories: 2,625 - ugh, that hurts to look at a little bit...
- breakfast: Wegman's version of cinnamon toast crunch w/ milk
- am/pm snacks: nectarine, bowl of "Fall Harvest" cereal (lots of dried fruit and whole grain), WAY TOO MUCH ICE CREAM
- lunch: same as Saturday
- dinner: a tiny portion of velveeta shells and cheese
- no exercise - I was so lazy yesterday..
- 11pm bedtime
I just can NOT get back on this whole exercise bandwagon. Morning sickness killed my fitness routine and I am having a super hard time motivating because honestly my inner-monologue goes something like this, "I should exercise. But I'm tired. And my feet kind of hurt. And even if I do exercise it's not going to help anything because I'm still fat and I'm just going to get fatter.. so maybe I should just do my lunch walks when it's not too hot and I feel like it and call it a day. *looks in the mirror* My arms are SO FLABBY... gross. SO MUCH FLAB. Super gross. I should do my preggo ab stuff.. but I'm tired. And I'm still gonna be flabby and fat because I can't REALLY workout to the intensity I would like to be anyway.. I'm just going to get fatter. I'll just focus on my calories and leave the exercise for after the baby comes." and so on and so on and so forth... more self-loathing, more excuse, more everything. I really really do just feel like it's hopeless to really focus on any kind of regular exercise right now because I'm going to see NO results... and it's not even the usual, "Oh, I can't really expect to see any results for 4-6 weeks." it's "YOU WILL NEVER SEE RESULTS UNTIL NEXT FEBRUARY WHEN YOU CAN START DOING CARDIO AND LIFTING WEIGHTS AGAIN." and that makes me sooooooo depressed.. and then I get all depressed about having not worked harder BEFORE I got pregnant and then I hate on myself on that for a day or two.. and then I'll have one day where I feel really motivated and I'll go walk for like 2 miles and then it just starts all over again. It's poop. I really worry I'm going to get hit hard with postpartum depression over my body image and it's going to make me totally crazy for like 6 months.
6/25/11
Three day update!
I was swamped at work all day thursday and then was completely exhausted by the time I got home... I've gotten into a bad habit of staying up way later than I probably should just because my body is no longer FORCING me to go to bed at like 9:30pm every night. I wanted to go to bed early thursday night... but the trash tv sucked me in until about midnight. Last night I went out for a bit for ladies night with some of my friends and actually did manage to get home about 11:30 and go straight to bed. Definitely slept in this morning and I think I'm probably seeing a nap in my future too.
I've done pretty well with my eating the last until yesterday, when I didn't count calories and ate tons of garbage, so here are some stats for you!
Weds. 6/22:
Well, like I said I didn't really count calories yesterday, but I had CiCi's pizza for lunch with soda and a happy meal for dinner, and then some crab dip at ladies night which was made with cream cheese and served with BUTTERED GARLIC BREAD... that was probably my whole day of calories on it's own lol. Also with all that sodium intake and being out in the heat, my feet and ankles were HELLA swollen when I got home. They seem to have gone back down to normal now.. but that was a little scary to see your toes little miniature compared to the size of your foot body and ankles. Yuck. Ah, the joys of pregnancy.
I've done pretty well with my eating the last until yesterday, when I didn't count calories and ate tons of garbage, so here are some stats for you!
Weds. 6/22:
- net calories: 1,566 - this was probably waaaay too few. I had some time management problems and it effected what I had time to eat BIG TIME so I kind of just.. didn't really eat. What I DID eat was healthy stuff though, so that's good!
- breakfast: oatmeal
- am/pm snacks: nectarine, blueberries, a couple mini tootsie rolls, some whole grain crackers, apples w/ peanut butter, yoplait frozen smoothie
- lunch: rotisserie chicken sandwich with some chips, a cookie, and a cup of juice
- dinner: a small salad with homemade balsalmic vinagrette, a bowl of cereal
- 35 minute walk on hilly terrain at a brisk pace - yay!
- 12am bedtime
- net calories: 2,144 - I definitely let the chocolate sitting around the office break my temptation
- breakfast: oatmeal
- am/pm snacks: apples w/ peanut butter, 3 or 4 hershey's dark chocolate nuggets, iced venti chai, fiber one bar
- lunch: 5 Guys little cheeseburger w/ a handful of fries
- dinner: GIANT balsalmic salad w/ a black bean quesadilla (SO GOOD)
- no exercise
- another late bedtime, I can't remember what time though
Well, like I said I didn't really count calories yesterday, but I had CiCi's pizza for lunch with soda and a happy meal for dinner, and then some crab dip at ladies night which was made with cream cheese and served with BUTTERED GARLIC BREAD... that was probably my whole day of calories on it's own lol. Also with all that sodium intake and being out in the heat, my feet and ankles were HELLA swollen when I got home. They seem to have gone back down to normal now.. but that was a little scary to see your toes little miniature compared to the size of your foot body and ankles. Yuck. Ah, the joys of pregnancy.
6/22/11
Dang Quesadillas
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| That was the AMAZING vegetarian quesadilla I made myself for dinner last night!!! |
So I was craving some mexican pretty hard core last night... I realized I had tortillas, beans and cheese.. so I came up with a vegetarian quesadilla for myself -and here is the recipe for all of you:
Dang Vegetarian Quesadilla
- 1 eight inch whole wheat/whole grain tortilla (I used a brand called Wrap-Itz)
- 1/2 or 1 cup of black beans
- 1 or 2 sliced mini sweet peppers
- 1/4 or less of an onion, sliced
- 1/4 cup of shredded cheese (I used a mexican blend)
- 1 tbsp vegan butter (super high in omega-3s, which is why I use it for a lot of my cooking in place of regular butter)
- 2 tbsp of sour cream
- Dash of cumin
- Dash of cheyenne pepper
Heat black beans in a small pot with a dash of cumin and cheyenne. In a small skillet melt 1/2 tbsp of vegan butter and saute onion/pepper with a dash of cumin and cheyenne - saute about 2 minutes on medium to medium-high heat. Spread the other 1/2 tbsp of vegan butter on one side of the tortilla. Remove cooked onion/pepper to a plate. Place your tortilla buttered side down in your skillet on medium heat. Sprinkle half of your cheese on the tortilla, add your warmed black beans (I used a slatted spoon to avoid making my tortilla soggy), top the beans with your cooked onion/pepper and top all ingredients with the remaining cheese. Fold your tortilla in half and cook evenly on both sides until outside appears "crunchy". Slice with a pizza cutter and serve with sour cream! SUPER YUMMY!!
Nutritional Info (w/o sour cream):
Calories: 372
Fat: 12g
Sodium: 911mg (if you use reduced sodium beans this will prob be cut in half)
Carbs: 47g
Fiber: 11g
Protein: 18g
Pretty darn healthy if you ask me.. just don't do what I did and eat two... lol
Stats for 6/21:
- net calories: 2,113 - I'm totally okay with this because I ate ALL whole foods yesterday with the exception of a serving of kettle chips with lunch and a fiber one granola bar.
- breakfast: oatmeal
- am/pm snacks: apples w/ peanut butter, fiber one bar, nectarine, blueberries, raw almonds
- lunch: turkey sandwich w/ kettle chips and some juice
- dinner: small salad w/ homemade balsalmic vinagrette, 2 veggie quesadillas w/ sour cream
- no exercise (boo)
- 10:30pm lights out (thank goodness!)
Tonight I'm going walking with my friend Andrea, I'm pretty excited about that! However I'm NOT excited about having no workout pants that fit... I even went and bought some XXLs from Target yesterday... too tight... uggggghhh.. that made me feel AWESOME. I have to return that stuff this afternoon... along with the bras that have no hope of fitting... so depressing. I'm ready to be done already, thank you! lol
Bonus picture of my baby bump!
Bonus picture of my baby bump!
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| 17 weeks - almost halfway there! |
6/21/11
FML
"Epic Fail" is not even close to what yesterday was for me.. it was like the day that destroyed my life when it comes to eating. I definitely hit a point during the afternoon where I mentally said "fuck it" and just indulged knowing full well it wouldn't help me and wouldn't make me happy.
Let's just start with stats and I'll elaborate from there...
Mon. 6/20:
- net calories: 2'500
- breakfast: oatmeal, 3 dunkin donuts munchkins
- am/pm snacks: apples w/ peanut butter, nectarine, blueberries, raw almonds, bagel w/ cream cheese, sugar cookie
- lunch: 7-layer burrito and crunchy taco from Taco Bell... I didn't even order the taco, they just ended up giving it to me.. I could have given it to Mike or just not eaten it... it was NOT good. The 7-layer burrito was delicious... and just that would have been okay, but that extra yucky taco was the beginning of me screwing myself.
- dinner: 2 slices of leftover ham pizza.. should have eaten a salad after my lunch splurge, but this was the mental "fuck it" I was talking about.
- 25 minute walk - thank GOD I at least got SOME exercise in
- bedtime.. way later than I wanted it to be. SOMEONE decided they needed to watch tv in the bedroom until 12am.. (NOT ME)
I just look at my food log and think "So much for watching my carb intake.." but the scale this morning says I haven't gained anything. I hope it stays that way, and that the days of being really GOOD about my calorie intake will pay off. As well as my efforts to get some regular exercise in. I also did some ab exercises last night (certified preggo safe ab exercises!) because by the end of the day yesterday my stomach muscles felt so strained it was all I could do to sit up. That's definitely not good. It was really uncomfortable and I don't want to feel that way every day with it just getting worse the bigger my belly gets.
Speaking of exercise... I really need to get to Target and get some bigger workout pants, and some just regular maternity t-shirts.. none of my workout pants fit anymore. It's no bueno.
6/20/11
Blog Slacker..
That should be my new official title as a human being! Because I'm a total blog slacker!! Yay!!
I did not count calories at all Saturday or Sunday, and that probably means I epic failed... especially after the 4 slices of pizza I ate last night.. and the movie theatre popcorn.. and the buncha crunch.. and having "dinner" at the baseball game Saturday night... you get the picture.
So let's catch up on Weds-Fri!
Weds. 6/15:
I did not count calories at all Saturday or Sunday, and that probably means I epic failed... especially after the 4 slices of pizza I ate last night.. and the movie theatre popcorn.. and the buncha crunch.. and having "dinner" at the baseball game Saturday night... you get the picture.
So let's catch up on Weds-Fri!
Weds. 6/15:
- net calories: 2'072
- breakfast: Life cereal w/ milk and raw almonds
- am/pm snacks: apples w/ peanut butter, fiber one bar, grande decaf mocha frapp (my calories would have been like 1600 if not for this EVIL BEVERAGE)
- lunch: cottage cheese w/ fresh berries, romaine salad w/ yogurt ceasar dressing
- dinner: homemade bison burgers with baked beans
- 30 minute walk (yay!)
- 11pm lights out
Thurs. 6/16:
- net calories: 2'084 - it was the morning donut and all the sweets at my sister's play during intermission that killed this one. Otherwise I would have been golden.
- breakfast: Life cereal w/ milk... and a chocolate glazed donut -.-
- am/pm snacks: apples w/ peanut butter, trail mix bar, sweets at the play
- lunch: half a chipotle vegetarian burrito bol
- dinner: some cheese fries from Silver Diner - okay, granted, this was not the HEALTHIEST choice, but the calorie intake from this was actually right around 400 calories, which is totally not bad. Plus Silver Diner's entire menu is organic, so that helps. Sort of.
- 30 minute walk - I got a pedometer for my iphone so now I know exactly how far I'm walking and how many calories I'm burning, yay! 1.5 miles/188 calories - this is netted into my calories listed at the top.
- 12am lights out - eesh!
Fri. 6/17:
- net calories: 2'300 - the lack of exercise and consumption of shirley temples after dinner is what got me this time. Without the sodas I would have stayed at about 1900.
- breakfast: oatmeal - FINALLY SOME HEALTHY BREAKFAST! lol
- am/pm snacks: apples w/ peanut butter, shirley temples
- lunch: baked turkey rueben w/ fries - really delicious, not greasy at all.. without the fries this would have been a perfectly healthy lunch
- dinner: JAPANESE STEAKHOUSE, BITCHES!! delicious steak and shrimp and tons of veggies, plus I took home leftovers so overall not too bad. As I said, it was the 500 calories worth of soda and grenadine that killed me.
- no exercise
- 1am bedtime - hey, at least I'm finally able to stay up past 9:30 on weekends again!
So, as I said, I didn't count any calories over the weekend... but I'm back on track today. Reading my Dr. Oz baby book makes me feel really guilty about putting junk into my body.. I got all depressed over it last night, but I'm doing the best I can. Tomorrow morning I'm hoping to be able to get out of bed on time so I can hop on the scale and make sure I haven't already gained another 5lbs in the last 2 weeks. This whole warning of "watch the carb intake" has kind of gone out the window.. I live on carbs. It's true. I try to keep those HEALTHY carbs though! like fruits, whole grains, etc... anyways. Kind of scared to see how that's gonna go. However, in the last 2 weeks I have noticed my belly starting to "pop" and I feel like I've shed some back fat.. Attractive. I know. I guess we'll just see tomorrow!
6/15/11
Taking advantage of the weather
The title of this post is something that I've been TRYING to do but have kind of been unsuccessful at thus far. Today is going to be the last nice day before the rain moves in and the heat and humidity return. I did NOT get my walk in yesterday and I'm a little upset with myself for that. Today I'm definitely getting it done because it is supposed to be 75, sunny and NO HUMIDITY!! Perfect day for a walk.
Mike told me this morning that I was looking thinner - I'm hoping that keeping my calories under control and trying to get those daily walks in are paying off. If I didn't have so much extra padding on my tummy I'm pretty sure I'd be actually "showing" by now. Instead I still feel like I just look fat.
Yesterday was a bit of a calorie fail thanks to my poor choice of sandwich at Subway. Normally I go with the turkey breast... and either 6" or footlong is a pretty good choice, the 6" especially.. well, yesterday I gave in to my baby cravings and went with the Spicy Italian. Footlong. Knocking me back about 1'000 for lunch. Not including my little bag of baked lays. The original idea was to save the second half for later... obviously that didn't happen. Had I squeezed my walk in, I could have brought my net calories down to my 2'000 max mark. Another reason I'm pretty disappointed in myself.
Stats for 6/14/11:
Mike told me this morning that I was looking thinner - I'm hoping that keeping my calories under control and trying to get those daily walks in are paying off. If I didn't have so much extra padding on my tummy I'm pretty sure I'd be actually "showing" by now. Instead I still feel like I just look fat.
Yesterday was a bit of a calorie fail thanks to my poor choice of sandwich at Subway. Normally I go with the turkey breast... and either 6" or footlong is a pretty good choice, the 6" especially.. well, yesterday I gave in to my baby cravings and went with the Spicy Italian. Footlong. Knocking me back about 1'000 for lunch. Not including my little bag of baked lays. The original idea was to save the second half for later... obviously that didn't happen. Had I squeezed my walk in, I could have brought my net calories down to my 2'000 max mark. Another reason I'm pretty disappointed in myself.
Stats for 6/14/11:
- net calories: 2'200
- breakfast: oatmeal w/ splash of milk
- am/pm snacks: apples w/ peanut butter, 100 calorie bag of Smartfood White Cheddar popcorn, wheat thins
- lunch: footlong spicy italian sub w/ baked lays and unsweetened tea
- dinner: 3oz. of steak w/ red potatoes tossed in olive oil and rosemary, and two small slices of bagette
- no exercise
- 11pm lights out
6/14/11
Weekend Wrap-up
This weekend was kind of a bust on food choices. I stayed under my 2'000 calorie mark - but those were definitely NOT nutrient dense calories. Instead they were filled with pizza, chinese food, movie theatre soft pretzels and soda. And I definitely felt like crap yesterday because of it. And then decided to add some Taco Bell on top of that... definitely not the most brilliant idea ever since Taco Bell has consistently made my stomach freak out since I got pregnant. I even PACKED MY LUNCH yesterday so that I could still go out to lunch with my co-workers, but avoid eating that toxic junk.. but I caved right before we left the office because a bean burrito sounded SO GOOD. It was not. It didn't taste as good as I wanted it to at all. It was actually really close to just being gross. I may have to challenge myself to 30 days of no fast food... and as soon as I typed that I started thinking how delicious Arby's would be. Which probably means I should DEFINITELY challenge myself to 30 days fast-food-free. I'll think on that today.. but I will really need Mike's support in that because he is a total fast food junkie.
I'm not going to do stats for the weekend since I stayed under my calorie mark even though it was a bunch of junk food - but I will say I did lots of walking! I'm going to research some pedometer apps this afternoon for my phone, and maybe splurge the $0.99 for a good one, since I always have my phone in my pocket.
Stats for 6/13/11:
I'm not going to do stats for the weekend since I stayed under my calorie mark even though it was a bunch of junk food - but I will say I did lots of walking! I'm going to research some pedometer apps this afternoon for my phone, and maybe splurge the $0.99 for a good one, since I always have my phone in my pocket.
Stats for 6/13/11:
- net calories: 1'727
- breakfast: oatmeal w/ a splash of milk, kiwifruit
- am/pm snacks: fiber one bar, apples w/ peanut butter, cottage cheese w/ fresh blueberries and strawberries
- lunch: soft taco and a bean burrito, 12oz of Mountain Dew (which I probably have no business drinking to begin with)
- dinner: leftover kung pao shrimp w/ brown rice, 2 crab rangoons
- exercise: 30 minute walk after lunch
- 11pm lights out
So, when I got back to the office after lunch/walking.. I had this really bizarre "attack" of sorts. I got incredibly fatigued all of a sudden, so fatigued that even just typing felt like the hardest thing I'd ever had to do... and then I broke out into this cold sweat all over my body, but I felt too hot all at the same time.. and then I started feeling like I was having a panic attack but when I checked my pulse I could hardly feel it, which made me think my blood pressure was actually DROPPING not rising like it would normally do during a panic attack. The drop in blood pressure would also explain my out-of-nowhere exhaustion. And all of this happened after I had eaten 3 sour patch kids.. which makes me think I somehow eff'd up my blood sugar. I'm a little terrified of gestational diabetes, especially since I'm SO overweight right now. But I had a glucose test run last month and that came up normal as far as I'm aware.. so I'm wondering if maybe this was just some kind of weird mental thing. I DID however manage to totally dehydrate myself Friday night, and THAT was a little scary... we went to a minor league baseball game with some friends and it was SO HOT outside, and I definitely did not drink enough water.. and when we got home I felt like I might puke and die. After drinking two giant glasses of water I felt much better though.
I guess I'm not really used to my body being so incredibly sensitive to things.. I never got this way when I was pregnant with James, but I think a lot of that was because I was SO young and in pretty good shape and your body can take a lot more abuse if it's healthier. All of this is just really inspiring me to work that much harder throughout the rest of my pregnancy and after the baby is born to get fit and stay fit. I'm really hoping any postpartum depression won't completely derail that. I had a little bit after James was born, and there were a couple months were it was pretty extreme and I packed on about 20 pounds. Where I am right now I can't afford that.. not emotionally, not physically, and not financially.
6/10/11
I've screwed myself
by taking 2 months off from working out... I understand that I've had a pretty legit excuse this whole time, but I am SO OUT AND OF SHAPE right now. I did an hour of prenatal yoga Wednesday night and it kicked my butt. That is really sad because it was about 25% of the intensity of a "normal" yoga workout for me. But the point is: I DID IT. There was definitely a big part of me that just wanted to give up half-way through because I was so mad at myself for huffing and puffing my way through it... that part of me wanted to never do that workout again.. but I sternly reminded myself that if I don't keep it up then I just continue to feel as out of shape as I do now. I just hate that feeling of starting completely over... which ties in to that anger with myself for ever stopping good habits to begin with - I'm talking from back in high school and stuff. I think to myself, "I used to do 100 crunches, 50 squats and 30 wall push-ups every morning before I got dressed. Why did I stop doing that?" Obviously life is a little different now... I honestly don't think there's even room in my current bedroom to lie down and do crunches...plus that was before I worked full time, and before I was married with kids, etc, etc.
Exercise woes aside, I've done a really excellent job with my eating the last few days! Tons of fruits and veggies, very few extra calories. I'm pretty proud of myself.
Stats for 6/8/11:
Exercise woes aside, I've done a really excellent job with my eating the last few days! Tons of fruits and veggies, very few extra calories. I'm pretty proud of myself.
Stats for 6/8/11:
- net calories: 1'900
- breakfast: oatmeal, apples w/ peanut butter
- am/pm snacks: nectarine, 1 oz. sharp cheddar, fiber one bar, Smartfood white cheddar popcorn, handful of sour patch kids, apple/raspberry juice, strawberries, green grapes
- lunch: turkey sandwich on whole wheat w/ cheddar and mustard and kettle chips at home
- dinner: tortilla soup at mom's
- late night: cereal - I was STARVING before bed
- exercise: 1 hour of yoga
- 11pm lights out
6/9/11:
- net calories: 1'712
- breakfast: oatmeal, kiwi
- am/pm snacks: apples w/ peanut butter, green grapes, granola bar, 1oz. sharp cheddar, tropical juice
- lunch: turkey sandwich on flax & fiber bread w/ cheese and mustard, baked lays, cottage cheese w/ fresh blueberries and strawberries
- dinner: homemade grilled chicken cesar wraps on whole wheat tortillas (SO GOOD)
- exercise: 45 minutes at the pool, 20 of which was spent doing some actual laps
- midnight lights out (a liiiittle tired today, not gonna lie)
I'm thinking about downloading a pedometer app to my iphone to see how much I'm walking just regularly during the day. I've starting making it a point to park across the parking lot at work and toward the back of the lot whenever I go to Target, the grocery store, etc... this way I figure even if I can't get an actual walk-for-exercise walk in, I've gotten a decent amount of actual steps during the day to boost that metabolism.
Tonight I'm going out to either a baseball game or bowling for a friend's birthday so I will prob end up eating like crap, but it's okay to have some splurges here and there. I'm going to try to get at least a 15 minute walk in before we leave for that, if it's not too hot... the weather has been sweltering here the last couple weeks and that makes this pregnant lady feel like she's gonna die if I get my heart rate up too high while outside in the heat! Gotta be careful of that.. hopefully a couple months of regular exercise and I won't feel that way.
6/8/11
Headed in the right direction - I think
Sorry it's been quite a while since my last update. I think I'm finally getting back on track... it certainly helped on Monday at my doctor's appointment when I weighed in at 209... that would be 5 lbs more than where I was at my PREVIOUS doctor's appointment only 4 weeks earlier. So far I've gained 8 of the maximum of 15lbs my doctor wants me to gain throughout my entire pregnancy... so I was (politely) warned to start counting calories and to watch my carb intake. YAY FOR BEING FAT!!
So I'm going to start posting my tracking here again, sans the smoking and alcoholic beverages counters.. obv.
My second trimester daily calorie goal is: 2'000 - from what I can figure this should be about right... I should be eating about 200-300 calories a day more than I normally would. Since my previous caloric goals have ranged.. well... kind of all over the place... I'm gonna go with what I would IDEALLY be consuming on a daily basis, which would be right around 1'750.
My daily exercise goal is: 30 mins. - whether that be walking, yoga, general calisthenics, vigorous household chores, etc. I need to be getting 30 mins a day in at the least. This will also help with my weight control. Obviously.
Everything else kind of comes together on its own - such as bedtimes. There are rarely times that I can force myself to stay awake past 11pm these days. That's okay by me.
Yesterday I did very well:
So I'm going to start posting my tracking here again, sans the smoking and alcoholic beverages counters.. obv.
My second trimester daily calorie goal is: 2'000 - from what I can figure this should be about right... I should be eating about 200-300 calories a day more than I normally would. Since my previous caloric goals have ranged.. well... kind of all over the place... I'm gonna go with what I would IDEALLY be consuming on a daily basis, which would be right around 1'750.
My daily exercise goal is: 30 mins. - whether that be walking, yoga, general calisthenics, vigorous household chores, etc. I need to be getting 30 mins a day in at the least. This will also help with my weight control. Obviously.
Everything else kind of comes together on its own - such as bedtimes. There are rarely times that I can force myself to stay awake past 11pm these days. That's okay by me.
Yesterday I did very well:
- total calories: 1'778
- breakfast: high fiber cinnamon oatmeal w/ 1/4 cup of milk
- am/pm snacks: pistachios, green grapes, wheat thins, Fiber One granola bar, 1oz. cheddar cheese, Wegmans brand cinnamon toast crunch
- lunch: turkey sandwich on whole wheat with kettle chips, granola bar
- dinner: Asiago cheese tortellini Lean Cuinsine
- no traditional exercise, parked in the back of the lot at Wegmans and power-walked through my hour of grocery shopping. I feel okay about that.
- 11pm lights out
I will post today's stats later tonight.
6/3/11
Best Abs Ever?
When I'm not preggo anymore... I'm trying this one. Definitely worth a shot.
5/30/11
I don't want to speak too soon... but
I think my cravings and tolerance for healthy snacks/meals is coming back. I have cooked every night this week! I am so proud of that accomplishment. Plus I have almost completed all the organizing and room-cleaning-out that I wanted to get done... and I may just be rewarding myself with that iPhone I've been wanting. I think that's fair. Accomplish more than I've managed to accomplish since moving into my house = deserving of an iPhone. Plus the whole planning meals and cooking dinner every night thing. That is so awesome of me. Plus it makes me feel so much better about myself as a wife and mother, that I can provide my family more than processing junk food for a meal in the evenings. I even cooked bacon and eggs for LUNCH the other day. That's right. I'm a regular June Cleaver over here.
Yesterday at the book store I picked up Dr. Oz's book, YOU: Having A Baby. It is seriously the most amazing book. I don't think I'll ever go back to "What to Expect" after this. I think after the baby comes I may get his YOU: On a Diet book as well. It certainly can't hurt anything. I love Dr. Oz. I really do. I think he's amazing and I love his holistic approach to almost all things medical. It's fantastic!
I wanted to talk a little bit about feeling the pain over not being able to drink alcohol and socialize with my friends in the same way I used to. It really hit me last Saturday night at a friend's housewarming party. Going to parties while pregnant kind of sucks big fat donkey toe.. but I think the main reason is because I feel like other people are judging me, not so much that I'm judging myself. Plus there's that whole "who am I if I don't have a beer in one hand and a cigarette in the other?" thing. I came to a bit of an epiphany the other night while wallowing in some pretty serious depression... I don't think I ever really figured out who I was after James was born. I just knew I was not who I was BEFORE him anymore... but I never really took the time to figure out what that meant or how I should proceed through life from that point. There are a lot of little things that have changed, a lot of emotional growth that has happened (as well as body growth - I mean, HELLO - what is this blog mostly about?)... a lot of my views on relationships and what it means to be an adult have changed... but that is not the whole of what makes a person who they are. This is something that I imagine will probably take a while for me to figure out. I also find myself feeling like, for the first time in my life, I'm doing what I'm "supposed" to be doing - got married, bought a house, having a baby, working toward an actual career, learning how to effectively parent the child I already have - and sometimes I feel like this does not make me happy, and I'm not really sure where it says that doing the things you're supposed to do will make you happy but I feel like that's a pretty general societal consensus. Sometimes I struggle with wondering if I actually WANT these things or if I just have convinced myself I want them because I'm SUPPOSED to want them. It's all very tricky. I've been considering starting some counseling to help me work through these things because I definitely know I'm tired of hating myself all the time, and I definitely am starting to unbiasedly see how it's effecting my marriage and my relationship with my son. That self-hate has a lot to do with not taking the time to figure out who I was/wanted to be after becoming a mother and being forced into this kind of false sense of adulthood at such a young age. I think realizing and acknowledging those things is a pretty positive first step.
Please know, dear readers, that I'm not consistently wallowing really - I manage to keep myself feeling pretty "normal" most of the time, but there are some nights when I just break down and the emotional overflow gets pretty out of control - and if there's any kind of argument, small or otherwise, it sets off this whole "everyone hates me and the way I act" feeling which them just makes me realize that no one hates me, I just don't like myself very much and that shades the way I perceive anything anyone might say to me during high-emotion discussions or arguments - ie: anything Mike says to me during said discussions or arguments.
Edit: I started writing this post 5 days ago and since that time I have ordered my iPhone and I'm VERY EXCITED about that. It should be here Wednesday. For now I'm going to enjoy the rest of the my Holiday with a nap on the couch and plenty of historical programming on History channel and History Channel International.
Yesterday at the book store I picked up Dr. Oz's book, YOU: Having A Baby. It is seriously the most amazing book. I don't think I'll ever go back to "What to Expect" after this. I think after the baby comes I may get his YOU: On a Diet book as well. It certainly can't hurt anything. I love Dr. Oz. I really do. I think he's amazing and I love his holistic approach to almost all things medical. It's fantastic!
I wanted to talk a little bit about feeling the pain over not being able to drink alcohol and socialize with my friends in the same way I used to. It really hit me last Saturday night at a friend's housewarming party. Going to parties while pregnant kind of sucks big fat donkey toe.. but I think the main reason is because I feel like other people are judging me, not so much that I'm judging myself. Plus there's that whole "who am I if I don't have a beer in one hand and a cigarette in the other?" thing. I came to a bit of an epiphany the other night while wallowing in some pretty serious depression... I don't think I ever really figured out who I was after James was born. I just knew I was not who I was BEFORE him anymore... but I never really took the time to figure out what that meant or how I should proceed through life from that point. There are a lot of little things that have changed, a lot of emotional growth that has happened (as well as body growth - I mean, HELLO - what is this blog mostly about?)... a lot of my views on relationships and what it means to be an adult have changed... but that is not the whole of what makes a person who they are. This is something that I imagine will probably take a while for me to figure out. I also find myself feeling like, for the first time in my life, I'm doing what I'm "supposed" to be doing - got married, bought a house, having a baby, working toward an actual career, learning how to effectively parent the child I already have - and sometimes I feel like this does not make me happy, and I'm not really sure where it says that doing the things you're supposed to do will make you happy but I feel like that's a pretty general societal consensus. Sometimes I struggle with wondering if I actually WANT these things or if I just have convinced myself I want them because I'm SUPPOSED to want them. It's all very tricky. I've been considering starting some counseling to help me work through these things because I definitely know I'm tired of hating myself all the time, and I definitely am starting to unbiasedly see how it's effecting my marriage and my relationship with my son. That self-hate has a lot to do with not taking the time to figure out who I was/wanted to be after becoming a mother and being forced into this kind of false sense of adulthood at such a young age. I think realizing and acknowledging those things is a pretty positive first step.
Please know, dear readers, that I'm not consistently wallowing really - I manage to keep myself feeling pretty "normal" most of the time, but there are some nights when I just break down and the emotional overflow gets pretty out of control - and if there's any kind of argument, small or otherwise, it sets off this whole "everyone hates me and the way I act" feeling which them just makes me realize that no one hates me, I just don't like myself very much and that shades the way I perceive anything anyone might say to me during high-emotion discussions or arguments - ie: anything Mike says to me during said discussions or arguments.
Edit: I started writing this post 5 days ago and since that time I have ordered my iPhone and I'm VERY EXCITED about that. It should be here Wednesday. For now I'm going to enjoy the rest of the my Holiday with a nap on the couch and plenty of historical programming on History channel and History Channel International.
5/24/11
A beautiful thing. Right.
I understand that pregnancy is a true life miracle.. it IS a beautiful thing. But I feel less-than-beautiful these days. I feel fat and out of shape and am still struggling with the energy thing.
I finally went grocery shopping for the first time in about a month last Wednesday and have made a much bigger effort to cook every night. I'm trying really hard to make better lunch choices. The healthier eating makes for less queasiness. This is kind of a "duh" moment, I'm aware. I'm still really wary of salad, though. And that makes me super sad because I LOVE salad. Puking up the last salad I ate to the point of feeling like I wanted/was going to die has kind of turned me off.. just a tad. I think I will try to make some pasta salad sometime this week or this weekend. I think that will be a doable alternative - I'll get my raw veggie fix but with enough carb to keep it down.
Those of you who are friends with me on the Book of Faces are probably realizing my growing obsession with purchasing an iPhone. I've somehow managed to convince myself that with an iPhone my goal of getting healthy and getting back down to healthier weight will somehow magically become easier with all the fancy apps that will become available to me. No one can unconvince me of this. I'm feeling kind of desperate right now. I'm incredibly disappointed in myself. I feel like maybe I spoke a little bit about this in my last post, but I'm revisiting so.. get over it.
I went off my birth control pill at the very end of last July. I started (or re-started, I should say, since I've been wanting it since about 2006) the "Jessica Hotness Plan" in early September. At this point I would say I was probably close to 220lbs. I liked to pretend I was only at about 212, but I had a shitty scale that I'm sure was LYING TO ME. Okay, so.. basically.. I KNEW I'd be getting pregnant since I had quit my BC - I mean, that was the point right? But I knew I really needed to lose some poundage before that happened... managed to drop down to about 196... I wanted to get under 185. Apparently I didn't want it bad enough. I'm going to be totally honest: I'm a lazy fuck. I at no point pushed myself as hard as I should have or held myself accountable to the extent I needed to. I fucked with my calorie count every couple weeks to try to allow myself as much cheating room as possible, I made a million excuses every day as to why I didn't or "couldn't" exercise.. and once I did get on an awesome routine at the gym, go figure, that's when I found out I was preggo and within a couple weeks started feeling like I was going to puke my guts up all the time. That puts a huge damper on any kind of exercise ethic you might have, just FYI. Plus that weight-lifting routine that was doing my body some DAMN AWESOME good... well, that's out the window since you can't lift anything over 15lbs while you're preggo.
Basically it all kind of boils down to: my body image is shit right now. I don't want to hear all the "you're pregnant, you're supposed to be fat" comments... I'm not supposed to be fat. I'm supposed to be pregnant. There's a difference. It doesn't help much that I'm in that terrible stage of not quite looking pregnant yet.. but just looking like I've totally lost my waist. And because of my total lack of motivation my arms have become completely flabby just in time for tank-top season. And in time to wear a strapless dress for a wedding in July. YAY!
More than anything right now, though, I'd like to complete some much needed housework. I'm hoping to start that project this afternoon after work. Hopefully my child will allow me to accomplish this without WWIII breaking out. That would be lovely. But may be asking too much. Things I'd like to accomplish:
I finally went grocery shopping for the first time in about a month last Wednesday and have made a much bigger effort to cook every night. I'm trying really hard to make better lunch choices. The healthier eating makes for less queasiness. This is kind of a "duh" moment, I'm aware. I'm still really wary of salad, though. And that makes me super sad because I LOVE salad. Puking up the last salad I ate to the point of feeling like I wanted/was going to die has kind of turned me off.. just a tad. I think I will try to make some pasta salad sometime this week or this weekend. I think that will be a doable alternative - I'll get my raw veggie fix but with enough carb to keep it down.
Those of you who are friends with me on the Book of Faces are probably realizing my growing obsession with purchasing an iPhone. I've somehow managed to convince myself that with an iPhone my goal of getting healthy and getting back down to healthier weight will somehow magically become easier with all the fancy apps that will become available to me. No one can unconvince me of this. I'm feeling kind of desperate right now. I'm incredibly disappointed in myself. I feel like maybe I spoke a little bit about this in my last post, but I'm revisiting so.. get over it.
I went off my birth control pill at the very end of last July. I started (or re-started, I should say, since I've been wanting it since about 2006) the "Jessica Hotness Plan" in early September. At this point I would say I was probably close to 220lbs. I liked to pretend I was only at about 212, but I had a shitty scale that I'm sure was LYING TO ME. Okay, so.. basically.. I KNEW I'd be getting pregnant since I had quit my BC - I mean, that was the point right? But I knew I really needed to lose some poundage before that happened... managed to drop down to about 196... I wanted to get under 185. Apparently I didn't want it bad enough. I'm going to be totally honest: I'm a lazy fuck. I at no point pushed myself as hard as I should have or held myself accountable to the extent I needed to. I fucked with my calorie count every couple weeks to try to allow myself as much cheating room as possible, I made a million excuses every day as to why I didn't or "couldn't" exercise.. and once I did get on an awesome routine at the gym, go figure, that's when I found out I was preggo and within a couple weeks started feeling like I was going to puke my guts up all the time. That puts a huge damper on any kind of exercise ethic you might have, just FYI. Plus that weight-lifting routine that was doing my body some DAMN AWESOME good... well, that's out the window since you can't lift anything over 15lbs while you're preggo.
Basically it all kind of boils down to: my body image is shit right now. I don't want to hear all the "you're pregnant, you're supposed to be fat" comments... I'm not supposed to be fat. I'm supposed to be pregnant. There's a difference. It doesn't help much that I'm in that terrible stage of not quite looking pregnant yet.. but just looking like I've totally lost my waist. And because of my total lack of motivation my arms have become completely flabby just in time for tank-top season. And in time to wear a strapless dress for a wedding in July. YAY!
More than anything right now, though, I'd like to complete some much needed housework. I'm hoping to start that project this afternoon after work. Hopefully my child will allow me to accomplish this without WWIII breaking out. That would be lovely. But may be asking too much. Things I'd like to accomplish:
- cleaning out my closet and dresser drawers
- getting all the laundry (clean and dirty) out of the floor by my side of the bed
- rearrange the furniture to accommodate either my chest of drawers or bookshelf both currently living in what will need to be the baby's room
- clean out said chest of drawers and closet in soon-to-be nursery
- find place for the giant hamper and if not possible get smaller hamper
- clean out 4th bedroom and actually utilize for office space - possible place for the giant hamper
- VACUUM UPSTAIRS HALLWAYS AND ROOMS (I'm completely serious when I say it's easily been 6 months since this was done thoroughly... or at all even)
- pack up James' winter clothes and put his summer stuff in his drawers
- clean out the top of James' closet - pack away clothes that are too small currently living there
That's a good starting point. We need to seriously consider having the carpet replaced in the living room and basement... as well as tearing up the crapitastic tiling job done in our foyer and kitchen by the previous owners and laying down some nice laminate.
5/17/11
An attempted return
Well, I don't know that I can honestly call myself a "blogger" anymore. I've been seriously slacking. There have been many things that I've wanted to post about but by the time I have a chance to do it I either can't remember or don't have the energy to do it.
I had my first doctor's appointment a few weeks ago and weighed in at 204lbs after having eaten breakfast and a morning snack and with all my clothes on and all my usual crap in my pockets. Not bad. I'm figuring first-thing-in-the-morning-butt-naked weight is probably around 200 or 201. I can live with that. The Doc said they really don't want me to gain more than 15lbs during the pregnancy because I'm a good deal overweight to start with. I had my 2nd appointment a week ago and hadn't gained anything so I'm hoping keeping at or under that 15lbs mark will be easier than it seems like it should be.
What I wanted to post about is: I was home sick last week and watched Food Inc. on Netflix instant... and it was amazing. I also found out that there is a farm just 2 hours from here that raises grass-fed beef, free-range chickens, and free-range pork and they come to the Farmer's market in Occoquan. I'm VERY excited about this. I really would love to just go totally organic for a month or so and see if our budget can handle it and see how differently I'll feel.
My "morning" sickness finally seems to be subsiding a little bit and my appetite is almost back to normal. There are still moments of "ohmygod I'm a gonna puke" but they are fewer and far between... my main gripe right now is that I feel like I'm dying of thirst all the time and I'm exhausted. Also: I feel fat all the time. lol. I hope that by the end of this month I'll be feeling well enough and have enough energy to get my 30mins/day of exercise in. I got a prenatal yoga dvd but I've been working a LOT and James is struggling with some sort of brat phase and it's just about all I can do to feed myself and get into bed once I get home from work. It sucks. I hate feeling like this.
On a really great note, though: Mike has been exercising 6 days a week and has started watching what he's eating a little bit more and that's awesome. Honestly, I think maybe I'm kind of just waiting for that miracle breast-feeding weight-loss to happen this winter... maybe that's a bad plan to have. It probably is. I'm kind of regularly feeling pretty down on myself for not working a little harder and doing a little better to get this extra weight off before getting pregnant. Obviously there's nothing that can be done about that now, and obviously a person can't really diet while pregnant... but I could be doing more than I am doing. So part of me is like "instead of beating yourself up about not working harder BEFORE, how about you just focus on working hard now and being as healthy as you can be" - which is totally true and right. But then that other part is thinking I'll just lose a million pounds if I breastfeed... but I feel like that's lazy because honestly there is no guarantee that will work out. Plus I'm only home for 8 weeks after the baby comes and just depending on how things go I may have to go ahead and wean when I go back to work.
Isn't this all awesome reading for you menfolk that follow out there? lol
All in all I'm just pretty ecstatic I don't feel like throwing up all over myself all the time anymore, and I'm glad I haven't already gained like 20lbs and right now I need to just count my blessings for that.
I'm planning on updating more often now, but it will mostly be baby stuff and less "this is what I'm eating and this is the exercise I'm doing" stuff.
I had my first doctor's appointment a few weeks ago and weighed in at 204lbs after having eaten breakfast and a morning snack and with all my clothes on and all my usual crap in my pockets. Not bad. I'm figuring first-thing-in-the-morning-butt-naked weight is probably around 200 or 201. I can live with that. The Doc said they really don't want me to gain more than 15lbs during the pregnancy because I'm a good deal overweight to start with. I had my 2nd appointment a week ago and hadn't gained anything so I'm hoping keeping at or under that 15lbs mark will be easier than it seems like it should be.
What I wanted to post about is: I was home sick last week and watched Food Inc. on Netflix instant... and it was amazing. I also found out that there is a farm just 2 hours from here that raises grass-fed beef, free-range chickens, and free-range pork and they come to the Farmer's market in Occoquan. I'm VERY excited about this. I really would love to just go totally organic for a month or so and see if our budget can handle it and see how differently I'll feel.
My "morning" sickness finally seems to be subsiding a little bit and my appetite is almost back to normal. There are still moments of "ohmygod I'm a gonna puke" but they are fewer and far between... my main gripe right now is that I feel like I'm dying of thirst all the time and I'm exhausted. Also: I feel fat all the time. lol. I hope that by the end of this month I'll be feeling well enough and have enough energy to get my 30mins/day of exercise in. I got a prenatal yoga dvd but I've been working a LOT and James is struggling with some sort of brat phase and it's just about all I can do to feed myself and get into bed once I get home from work. It sucks. I hate feeling like this.
On a really great note, though: Mike has been exercising 6 days a week and has started watching what he's eating a little bit more and that's awesome. Honestly, I think maybe I'm kind of just waiting for that miracle breast-feeding weight-loss to happen this winter... maybe that's a bad plan to have. It probably is. I'm kind of regularly feeling pretty down on myself for not working a little harder and doing a little better to get this extra weight off before getting pregnant. Obviously there's nothing that can be done about that now, and obviously a person can't really diet while pregnant... but I could be doing more than I am doing. So part of me is like "instead of beating yourself up about not working harder BEFORE, how about you just focus on working hard now and being as healthy as you can be" - which is totally true and right. But then that other part is thinking I'll just lose a million pounds if I breastfeed... but I feel like that's lazy because honestly there is no guarantee that will work out. Plus I'm only home for 8 weeks after the baby comes and just depending on how things go I may have to go ahead and wean when I go back to work.
Isn't this all awesome reading for you menfolk that follow out there? lol
All in all I'm just pretty ecstatic I don't feel like throwing up all over myself all the time anymore, and I'm glad I haven't already gained like 20lbs and right now I need to just count my blessings for that.
I'm planning on updating more often now, but it will mostly be baby stuff and less "this is what I'm eating and this is the exercise I'm doing" stuff.
4/21/11
I did great until the ice cream
Yesterday I had a pretty awesome day - I didn't really feel sick hardly at all and was able to consume massive amounts of fruit as well as having some homemade tacos for dinner (full of protein). I did have a reuben sandwich for lunch, but from what I could find the calories on that weren't so terrible - especially since I only ate about half of it. So I'm going about my business, logging my food for the day - I get everything entered, I'm right on track coming in at just under 2'000 calories for the day... and then I remember... I took James for ice cream after daycare... I had a double scoop of baskin robbins mint chocolate chip. FAIL. Although that did give me my calcium intake for the DAY. Always look on the bright side right?
On the calcium thing, this actually is really good - I've been avoiding milk like the plague because the thought of drinking it makes me really ill, and I think yesterday is probably the first day I actually reached my calcium goal in almost 3 weeks. Thank goodness for supplements.
Stats for 4/20:
On the calcium thing, this actually is really good - I've been avoiding milk like the plague because the thought of drinking it makes me really ill, and I think yesterday is probably the first day I actually reached my calcium goal in almost 3 weeks. Thank goodness for supplements.
Stats for 4/20:
- total calories: 2'500. Again.
- no workout, but I did take James to the playground. I thought about going to the gym since I was feeling somewhat normal, but it was so nice outside and I've been feeling so crappy and James has gotten to do little other than zone out in front of the television after school these days... I decided to opt for being a good parent instead of physical fitness.
- $12 between lunch and ice cream
- 11pm bedtime
4/20/11
Soda is the devil
just a little bit. I would have stayed on track with my calories yesterday if it weren't for the coke that I drank with dinner last night... and since it was fountain soda (my FAVORITE) and I was at a restaurant where they just kept refilling... I drank about 4 cans worth. At least. Probably not good for my caffeine intake as well as calories, but I rarely drink caffeine so I'm not going to stress over it.
So I probably finally came close to meeting my nutritional needs yesterday for the first time in about 3 weeks even though I was SO SICK. I actually threw up yesterday morning. Isn't that awesome? Aren't you so glad I shared that with you? I ate tons of fruit though, and even managed to have a turkey sandwich (well half) for lunch before feeling like I was going to wretch all over again. Only 4 more weeks of this.. I hope.
Btw, I'm sure you all probably already figured, but I've been smoke free since March 25th. The idea is to keep this up forever, even after I don't "have" to.
Stats 4/19:
So I probably finally came close to meeting my nutritional needs yesterday for the first time in about 3 weeks even though I was SO SICK. I actually threw up yesterday morning. Isn't that awesome? Aren't you so glad I shared that with you? I ate tons of fruit though, and even managed to have a turkey sandwich (well half) for lunch before feeling like I was going to wretch all over again. Only 4 more weeks of this.. I hope.
Btw, I'm sure you all probably already figured, but I've been smoke free since March 25th. The idea is to keep this up forever, even after I don't "have" to.
Stats 4/19:
- total calories: 2500 - that's about 500 over where I want to be. I'm not trying to gain 60 pounds over the next 7 months.
- no exercise (this is bad, I need to start feeling better so I can at least start walking regularly)
- $15 spent on dinner out
- no idea what time I went to bed - Mike's decided to become an insomniac and so that means he wants to keep me up talking every night. Monday night I did go to bed at like 9:30, though. Because I'm awesome.
I'm trying really hard to not get depressed over the fact that just a couple short weeks ago I was going to the gym 3 days a week burning all kinds of crazy calories and eating awesome healthy food for nearly every meal and all my clothes were continuing to get baggier and baggier to the point where lots I simply could not really wear anymore... and now I'm eating as much bad-for-me high-in-fat uber junk food my little pudgy hands can wrap themselves around... my belly fat has increased immensely and I know some of that is probably from water retention from the large amount of junk food I've been consuming and the other part is because I'm performing the miracle of growing a person inside of me... but I just really wanted this to be like it was the first time round where I still could wear my regular clothes for like 4months, and even then when my belly got big the rest of me shrank... I have to wear a strapless dress for a wedding in July. A short, strapless dress. I want my arms to look awesome and my calves to look awesome. I want to be beautiful and glowing. Not fat and miserable and way-too-hot in the July sun. I want to be back in the gym Mon, Weds, Fri. Especially since my social life has completely tanked thanks to my inability to currently consume large amounts of alcohol... so really what else am I doing on Friday evening other than stuffing my face with chinese food and watching King of Queens reruns? Oh, and also - I'm really sick of hearing "You look tired." because all of us ladies know that "You look tired" really means "You look like shit".
There are moments of the day when I'm not feeling like I'm going to just vomit until my intestines come out my throat (lovely, eh?!) and I think to myself, "I'm going to do it - I'm going to go to the gym today. I'm just going to push through and DO IT." and then 4:30pm rolls around and the only thing I can imagine myself doing is putting my pajama pants on and taking a nap on my couch... and that's usually what I end up doing. And my poor kid is like, "Why do you have your jamas on already?" and I can just say, "Because I don't feel good." EVER. ANYMORE.
I know this part doesn't last forever, but I want it to not last at all. I'm ready for it to be over. I'm ready to get back to my healthy habits because I'm afraid if this goes on much longer all those habits I worked so hard to create are going to be destroyed.
So that's kind of where I am mentally right now.
4/18/11
Laziness?
No, just pregnancy. That's right, folks, I've got a baby in my belly! And I'm in the throws of morning sickness every moment of every day... why do they call it MORNING sickness? It should be called 24-hours-a-day Sickness. Hence the whole... not blogging about food and exercise currently. I'm actually pretty disappointed in myself that I haven't kept up with my exercise, but it's kind of hard to do when all you want to do is throw up and pass out, wake, repeat.
The last few days I've felt a bit better - learning some tricks that keep me feeling somewhat close to "normal" throughout the day. I might try to hit the gym a couple times this week and see how it goes - my biggest deterrent however is the fact that drinking flat water in any kind of large amount makes me totally ill. And the gym is a big no-no without proper hydration. Especially now. The weather at least is supposed to be decent this week, so even if I don't make it to the gym maybe I can squeeze in a couple walks. We'll see how it goes.
My eating habits have completely tanked the last couple weeks. I feel sick just about all the time, and when I'm not sick I crave the junkiest food imaginable. It's almost always restaurant or fast food. So, not only am I destroying my healthy eating but I'm destroying my budget as well. Vegetables are a complete turn off for me right now - which is incredibly sad since salad is normally one of my staple food items. Certain fruits I can still tolerate... but even that is iffy at times. I'm eating a lot of burgers and fries these days. It's terrible. I'm hoping by the end of May I'll be out of this phase and able to get back on track with my eating again -- and be able to count calories without feeling like I need to vomit every time I log food.
Today I've actually done really well with food - so far I've had a banana, a fiber one muffin, two kiwis, an orange, and some cheese with triscuits. This has been an excellent food day both nausea-wise and healthy-eating-wise. I'm not gonna lie - I'm probably going to have some Five Guys for lunch because I've been craving it all weekend... but at least I'll get my iron in that way (hamburger)! I've also been craving things I can't eat... like sushi. But vegetarian rolls are an excellent alternative and I've decided I'd like to learn how to make then at home - it can't be THAT hard, can it? It doesn't really matter if they fall apart... has anyone made sushi rolls at home before?
The last few days I've felt a bit better - learning some tricks that keep me feeling somewhat close to "normal" throughout the day. I might try to hit the gym a couple times this week and see how it goes - my biggest deterrent however is the fact that drinking flat water in any kind of large amount makes me totally ill. And the gym is a big no-no without proper hydration. Especially now. The weather at least is supposed to be decent this week, so even if I don't make it to the gym maybe I can squeeze in a couple walks. We'll see how it goes.
My eating habits have completely tanked the last couple weeks. I feel sick just about all the time, and when I'm not sick I crave the junkiest food imaginable. It's almost always restaurant or fast food. So, not only am I destroying my healthy eating but I'm destroying my budget as well. Vegetables are a complete turn off for me right now - which is incredibly sad since salad is normally one of my staple food items. Certain fruits I can still tolerate... but even that is iffy at times. I'm eating a lot of burgers and fries these days. It's terrible. I'm hoping by the end of May I'll be out of this phase and able to get back on track with my eating again -- and be able to count calories without feeling like I need to vomit every time I log food.
Today I've actually done really well with food - so far I've had a banana, a fiber one muffin, two kiwis, an orange, and some cheese with triscuits. This has been an excellent food day both nausea-wise and healthy-eating-wise. I'm not gonna lie - I'm probably going to have some Five Guys for lunch because I've been craving it all weekend... but at least I'll get my iron in that way (hamburger)! I've also been craving things I can't eat... like sushi. But vegetarian rolls are an excellent alternative and I've decided I'd like to learn how to make then at home - it can't be THAT hard, can it? It doesn't really matter if they fall apart... has anyone made sushi rolls at home before?
4/8/11
Back on the bandwagon...
I'm going to start counting calories again for a little while. I feel like the last 2 weeks especially I've gotten way off track and I just need to steer myself back onto the right path - calorie counting for a couple weeks I think will definitely do that.
I'm setting my limit for 1900 - that's 300 calories more than what an ideal deficit would be. If I can keep up with my regular workouts this will be just where I need to be for all my current nutritional requirements.
My stomach has been all kinds of crazy this week and I feel like I'm dying of thirst all the time because drinking ginger ale is about the only thing that makes me feel normal... and soda is not incredibly hydrating. Especially when you're accustomed to drinking between 140 - 180 oz. of water a day. It's been pretty terrible, you guys. I drink a couple glasses of water and pretty much want to puke it all back up all over myself. This is also making it incredibly difficult to eat the whole foods, fruits, and vegetables I normally consume on a daily basis. The only things that have appealed to me are restaurant foods... or nothing at all except for crackers and/or cheerios.
I'm going to try to start posting again on a somewhat regular basis, but don't hold your breath or anything lol
I'm setting my limit for 1900 - that's 300 calories more than what an ideal deficit would be. If I can keep up with my regular workouts this will be just where I need to be for all my current nutritional requirements.
My stomach has been all kinds of crazy this week and I feel like I'm dying of thirst all the time because drinking ginger ale is about the only thing that makes me feel normal... and soda is not incredibly hydrating. Especially when you're accustomed to drinking between 140 - 180 oz. of water a day. It's been pretty terrible, you guys. I drink a couple glasses of water and pretty much want to puke it all back up all over myself. This is also making it incredibly difficult to eat the whole foods, fruits, and vegetables I normally consume on a daily basis. The only things that have appealed to me are restaurant foods... or nothing at all except for crackers and/or cheerios.
I'm going to try to start posting again on a somewhat regular basis, but don't hold your breath or anything lol
4/5/11
Hiatus
Hello loyal readers,
I just wanted to take a moment to say: a) I ate like total crap this weekend and it's no wonder I gained 1.6lbs in a week, and b) I may be taking a hiatus for this week, possibly next week too.
I want everyone to know that I packed my gym bag this morning with the best of intentions, but nausea is getting the better of me and the chances of my actually making it to the gym are slim to none. I will be very proud of myself if I do though.
I may pop in with a random update here or there, but I'm really not feeling up to posting anything about food... lol
Stay tuned!
I just wanted to take a moment to say: a) I ate like total crap this weekend and it's no wonder I gained 1.6lbs in a week, and b) I may be taking a hiatus for this week, possibly next week too.
I want everyone to know that I packed my gym bag this morning with the best of intentions, but nausea is getting the better of me and the chances of my actually making it to the gym are slim to none. I will be very proud of myself if I do though.
I may pop in with a random update here or there, but I'm really not feeling up to posting anything about food... lol
Stay tuned!
4/2/11
Avoiding the scale at all costs
This week and last week I have felt super awesome about my body and the awesome changes I'm seeing in my muscle tone and how it's completely changing the shape of my body for the better. My clothes have fit better - aside from most of my pants being way too big, my fitted shirts look awesome. I've felt pretty great about myself and have finally stopped obsessing over food and am focusing on making smart choices and eating only when I'm actually hungry, and not beating myself up over splurge food choices but just taking them for what they are: splurges. I'm back in the gym full force and loving my routine (even though I should probably throw a little more cardio in there). So all of these are wonderful, positive things and great feelings to enjoy and focus on right? Right. Until...
I stepped on the scale this morning and have gained a pound and a half. I know a lot of it could be water retention from the weight lifting I'm doing, plus the building of muscle tone under the fat I still have... but to get on the scale this morning and to see 198.6lbs - well that was really heart-breaking. I don't want to break that 200 pound mark again before my birthday since my birthday was supposed to be my deadline on this no-calorie-counting thing. I feel like I should have at least been able to maintain my 195lbs this whole time. Not gain 3 and a half pounds back.
I guess for now I'm just going to try really hard not to focus on that number and just focus on how I feel. I've also quit smoking (I'm a week in now and I'm confident!) and I've quit drinking (I think this will help tremendously if I can manage not to replace alcohol with soda). Let's just see how the next couple weeks progress.
I stepped on the scale this morning and have gained a pound and a half. I know a lot of it could be water retention from the weight lifting I'm doing, plus the building of muscle tone under the fat I still have... but to get on the scale this morning and to see 198.6lbs - well that was really heart-breaking. I don't want to break that 200 pound mark again before my birthday since my birthday was supposed to be my deadline on this no-calorie-counting thing. I feel like I should have at least been able to maintain my 195lbs this whole time. Not gain 3 and a half pounds back.
I guess for now I'm just going to try really hard not to focus on that number and just focus on how I feel. I've also quit smoking (I'm a week in now and I'm confident!) and I've quit drinking (I think this will help tremendously if I can manage not to replace alcohol with soda). Let's just see how the next couple weeks progress.
4/1/11
All kinds of proud
Not only have I stuck to my nutrition guidelines all week, but I made it to the gym THREE TIMES! Burning between 450-500 each go, I am pretty proud of myself.
Honestly, I cannot remember what I ate yesterday to save my life and I don't feel like going to search for my little piece of paper I logged my food on... also I'm tired and want to go to bed so this will be quick.
4/1:
Overall I'm super proud of myself and continue to see amazing changes in the shape of my body from the weight lifting I've been doing!
Sorry for the short post - weighing in tomorrow. Have a great Friday night!
Honestly, I cannot remember what I ate yesterday to save my life and I don't feel like going to search for my little piece of paper I logged my food on... also I'm tired and want to go to bed so this will be quick.
4/1:
- breakfast: english muffin w/ the usual spreads
- am snack: apples w/ peanut butter and a vanilla milk
- lunch: half a baja salad and a jr. hamburger from Wendy's - also a jr. frosty.
- pm snack: peanut butter/chocolate protein shake from the gym (post-workout)
- dinner: spaghetti w/ a slice of garlic bread
- one hour workout at the gym
- 0 cigarettes - one week smoke free
- $12 spent on lunch (bought Mike's lunch today too)
- shooting for 12:30am bedtime
Overall I'm super proud of myself and continue to see amazing changes in the shape of my body from the weight lifting I've been doing!
Sorry for the short post - weighing in tomorrow. Have a great Friday night!
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