I finally went grocery shopping for the first time in about a month last Wednesday and have made a much bigger effort to cook every night. I'm trying really hard to make better lunch choices. The healthier eating makes for less queasiness. This is kind of a "duh" moment, I'm aware. I'm still really wary of salad, though. And that makes me super sad because I LOVE salad. Puking up the last salad I ate to the point of feeling like I wanted/was going to die has kind of turned me off.. just a tad. I think I will try to make some pasta salad sometime this week or this weekend. I think that will be a doable alternative - I'll get my raw veggie fix but with enough carb to keep it down.
Those of you who are friends with me on the Book of Faces are probably realizing my growing obsession with purchasing an iPhone. I've somehow managed to convince myself that with an iPhone my goal of getting healthy and getting back down to healthier weight will somehow magically become easier with all the fancy apps that will become available to me. No one can unconvince me of this. I'm feeling kind of desperate right now. I'm incredibly disappointed in myself. I feel like maybe I spoke a little bit about this in my last post, but I'm revisiting so.. get over it.
I went off my birth control pill at the very end of last July. I started (or re-started, I should say, since I've been wanting it since about 2006) the "Jessica Hotness Plan" in early September. At this point I would say I was probably close to 220lbs. I liked to pretend I was only at about 212, but I had a shitty scale that I'm sure was LYING TO ME. Okay, so.. basically.. I KNEW I'd be getting pregnant since I had quit my BC - I mean, that was the point right? But I knew I really needed to lose some poundage before that happened... managed to drop down to about 196... I wanted to get under 185. Apparently I didn't want it bad enough. I'm going to be totally honest: I'm a lazy fuck. I at no point pushed myself as hard as I should have or held myself accountable to the extent I needed to. I fucked with my calorie count every couple weeks to try to allow myself as much cheating room as possible, I made a million excuses every day as to why I didn't or "couldn't" exercise.. and once I did get on an awesome routine at the gym, go figure, that's when I found out I was preggo and within a couple weeks started feeling like I was going to puke my guts up all the time. That puts a huge damper on any kind of exercise ethic you might have, just FYI. Plus that weight-lifting routine that was doing my body some DAMN AWESOME good... well, that's out the window since you can't lift anything over 15lbs while you're preggo.
Basically it all kind of boils down to: my body image is shit right now. I don't want to hear all the "you're pregnant, you're supposed to be fat" comments... I'm not supposed to be fat. I'm supposed to be pregnant. There's a difference. It doesn't help much that I'm in that terrible stage of not quite looking pregnant yet.. but just looking like I've totally lost my waist. And because of my total lack of motivation my arms have become completely flabby just in time for tank-top season. And in time to wear a strapless dress for a wedding in July. YAY!
More than anything right now, though, I'd like to complete some much needed housework. I'm hoping to start that project this afternoon after work. Hopefully my child will allow me to accomplish this without WWIII breaking out. That would be lovely. But may be asking too much. Things I'd like to accomplish:
- cleaning out my closet and dresser drawers
- getting all the laundry (clean and dirty) out of the floor by my side of the bed
- rearrange the furniture to accommodate either my chest of drawers or bookshelf both currently living in what will need to be the baby's room
- clean out said chest of drawers and closet in soon-to-be nursery
- find place for the giant hamper and if not possible get smaller hamper
- clean out 4th bedroom and actually utilize for office space - possible place for the giant hamper
- VACUUM UPSTAIRS HALLWAYS AND ROOMS (I'm completely serious when I say it's easily been 6 months since this was done thoroughly... or at all even)
- pack up James' winter clothes and put his summer stuff in his drawers
- clean out the top of James' closet - pack away clothes that are too small currently living there
That's a good starting point. We need to seriously consider having the carpet replaced in the living room and basement... as well as tearing up the crapitastic tiling job done in our foyer and kitchen by the previous owners and laying down some nice laminate.
I'll be honest, I'm really worried about my body issues when I got pregnant. I've worked so fucking hard to take the weight off and I'm really worried that when I put it back on I'm going to look at myself with a really critical eye. So don't feel alone in that, cuz it's something I'm already preparing myself to deal with. People tell you it's crazy, but they probably don't understand that even though it IS crazy...it's still how you feel.
ReplyDeleteI know its hard in the first trimester, but just wait for the 2nd one. You'll feel more like yourself, and what's with the 15 lb thing? I picked Dev up until I was like 8 mos. preggo.
ReplyDeleteYou'll feel better and once you start nesting there'll be no stopping you.
*hugs*
It's actually 20lbs, I was a little off... I dunno, because it puts strain on your core muscles to lift and my core is shit to begin with so I'm not trying to change effing anything up.
ReplyDelete@Maury - You have no idea how much your comment means to me. I'm glad even though you're not there yet you still understand. You've done so great and with the awesome routine you've settled into I think it will be easy for you to keep it going throughout your pregnancy so you stay healthy! My main gripe is that I just never tried that hard to begin with so this is just all the more devastating to my poor body. :-\