Mommy Guilt

Warning: for you dude readers out there, I'm about to wax philosophical on breast-feeding and other new mom stuff. so just FYI. 


So let me just say that quitting breast-feeding SUCKS. My boobs hurt like whoa. My mommy guilt is in full swing, and I'm just kind of all around miserable. Not only do I have all the general feeling bad about not offering my baby what's "best" for him because I hated it and it made me want to die a little bit, but I feel like I'm basically ditching the easiest "diet" on the planet because of selfishness. But I have a feeling that breast-feeding wasn't going to be the magical weight-loss machine for me like it is for others anyway.. so I'm trying to just let it all go. And let go the fact that I'm pretty sure Nolan is now developing a milk allergy (most regular formula is milk-based, for those of you that don't know).. and so I've got even MORE mommy guilt over switching to formula because of that. It will all work out, I know. Right now with my boobs wanting to explode and my infant super fussy and gassy and angry all the time it just feels like things will never be "normal" again.

Tomorrow is the Big Day - I go for my postpartum appointment and should be getting the go-ahead to return to normal exercise and resume intimate activities if I so choose.. also BIRTH CONTROL!! YAY!!! That will also help my milk dry up faster which will be super great.

I've been thinking a lot about the goals I want to set for myself. I'm trying to decide what I want to do about calorie counting especially. I've been tracking my food since the 1st, and currently have my daily intake set at 1600 - although I'm not really stuck on that. That's just what it says I need to be at in order to lose a pound a week. One of my goals is definitely going to be finishing Dr. Oz's YOU: On a Diet book that I started reading in July or August and then abandoned a couple weeks later. I also really need to sugar detox. In fact that should probably be my number 1 goal for this month more than anything else - even getting back in the gym. I haven't been a soda drinker since I was probably 16 or 17, and lately I'm almost as addicted as Mike. I've gone from having maybe one soda a week to having at least one a day. It's terrible! Plus I've gone from drinking a gallon of water a day, to drinking almost no water... terrible terrible. Okay.. so here's what I'll start with:

1. Sugar detox by the end of January
2. Cut soda back to 3x's a week effective immediately (this will obviously kind of coincide with sugar detoxing, but I can start this before a full-out sugar detox)
3. Drink at least 64oz of water a day effective immediately

Other things I should toss around is eating at least one piece of fruit a day, and at least one vegetable. Oh, how far my eating habits have fallen. It's really bad. I was regularly eating my "Strive for Five" and then some everyday this time last year. That 3 months of morning sickness really killed me. My fridge has also decided to freeze everything that goes in it's vegetables drawer so I really need to figure out what is up with that so that I can start keeping vegetables in there without them getting ruined by freezing/thawing! Lettuce gets totally destroyed by that...

So, hopefully in the next couple days I'll have a more definitive list of goals for the month.