Looking Back

I know it's kind of a cliche with weight loss, but it's funny how when you look at old pictures, you always come across certain pictures and you think, "I looked really good then." but then you can remember feeling like you were totally fat and disgusting at the time.

My moment like that happened yesterday while searching through iPhoto for a goal weight photo. I came across my pictures from my 1 year wedding anniversary. This was right before I REALLY started packing on the pounds. I was around 180 or 185, I suppose. I had gained about 10lbs since my wedding. I remember feeling like I was so large. But looking at those photos yesterday I thought, "I looked great!". Not only did I look great, but I looked COMFORTABLE in my body. Isn't that interesting? I can remember feeling really bad about starting to gain weight.. but I looked so happy and comfortable in my own skin. I think maybe being a newlywed had something to do with it lol. I was also able to pinpoint when I got big enough that I was NOT comfortable in my body anymore... I'm all hunched over in photos, there are a lot where I have my arms crossed over my belly, etc.

I just found that interesting. I hope once I get back down to the 180's that I will be able to consciously recognize how good I really look, how far I've come form where I am today. I hope I will be proud. And I hope that pride will spur me forward to continue eating healthy and exercising frequently in order to reach my ultimate goal weight. And what I hope more than anything is that when I do reach my ultimate goal weight, I will be able to SEE it. To truly see it.

Anyhoo...

I finally got my appetite back a bit last night and the first thing I wanted was a Heath bar Blizzard from Dairy Queen. My husband, being well trained during my pregnancy, immediately ran out to get me one... lol. I'm not sure if that's really a good thing or not. But it was a good thing I didn't eat much of anything the whole rest of the day.. because of the little bit I did eat, that small blizzard ate up (haha) all the rest of my day's Weight Watchers points!

Today I have stayed well within my alloted points. I've made excellent food decisions today:

• breakfast: cranberry & flaxseed oatmeal, a pear
• lunch: 1oz of sharp cheddar with 10 triscuits
• afternoon snack: tea latte
• dinner: romaine salad w/ shredded mozzarella cheese and some homemade ranch dressing, Progresso loaded potato soup
• evening snack: 1 square of dark chocolate

Tonight I've finally started to feel like a normal person again. My congestion is almost completely cleared up, I've coughed very little, I'm no longer running fever, and I feel like I may have finally gotten enough rest and sleep. I'll return to work tomorrow. I'm not sure how I feel about that, but maybe in returning to work I'll be able to get back into a good gym routine. I'm supposed to go to the movies tomorrow night, so I haven't quite decided whether or not I'll go to the gym tomorrow. I think maybe I'll wait for Friday. This will also give me one more day to make sure I'm not still harboring this virus from hell somewhere inside of me. 

Can I just say - one thing I'm really looking forward to tomorrow is getting some Subway for lunch. lol. I feel like that's so silly. But I'm starving for it! I guess better to be craving Subway than McDonalds, right?