The Weight Game

I have to say I’m a little disappointed with how much of my self-esteem is starting to depend on the scale, but I know with how heavy I had become this is probably one of the only ways I can keep things in check until I can really feel confident that my whole lifestyle has changed and that I’m set in my healthier ways – knowing that will probably be 12-14 months of stepping on that scale every Monday morning and either loving or loathing myself.

This morning I hopped on the scale and it read 200lbs. Even. Last week it was 195.8. I refuse to believe that I actually gained 4lbs in one week, especially considering how well I did with my eating until Saturday night. One 3000 calorie day of indulgence does not 4lbs make.

True fact. True scientific fact.

I’m going to chalk up that 4lbs to some increase in muscle tone and water weight since that time of the month is coming up in a few days. I didn’t have a chance to take measurements, so I don’t know how I’m fairing there. I’m really trying to build up my core muscles so I’m sure I’ll see an increase in my waist size since that muscle will build faster than the fat will burn. I just really need to try and keep a clear head about this fluctuation that I’m going to see with my weight over the next month-or-so as I rebuild my muscle tone. I’m afraid with this new “scale awareness” I’ll start freaking out and lose my motivation and just completely fall off track if I see any kind of substantial gain in the next few weeks.

On a positive note: I did my core workout last night at home! I’m really proud of myself for exercising even though I wasn’t able to make it to the gym – and not just 15 or 20 minutes, almost a whole hour of the routine the personal trainer laid out for me. I have realized, however, that I SUCK at pushing myself “to intensity” when I’m by myself… for example: with the PT I did 90 second of plank position on my forearms. Twice. Granted I felt like I was DYING, but I did it… at home I only lasted a minute each time. It’s better than nothing – but I feel like I really should have strived for those extra 30 seconds. We’ll see if I fair better in the gym environment since I always feel like people are watching me lol.

Stats for 12/13:

• total calories: 2040 calories - we went to this "Festival of Lights" thing with my mom and dad and ended up having Chik-Fil-A for dinner... if I had just stuck with the sandwich I would have been fine, but add in waffle fries and a lemonade and, well, not so much. I was still under my 2100 for the day so I guess I shouldn't be too concerned.
• calories burned: 350 - I'm not sure exactly how many calories I burned since it's hard to really calculate all the different moves together. I think I'm going to need to invest in one of those heart monitor watches that counts calories too. 
• 1 cigarette
• 11:30pm bedtime
• $5 spent on dinner ($35 left for the week)