Dyyyyyyiiiiinnnnnngggg

First, let me do yesterday's stats:

12/8:

• total calories: 2000 - as you can see I went a bit over my standard calorie intake. I'm not too concerned, actually. I think some variation during the week is good. As long as I'm not going over by like 500 calories and it's not happening everyday I'm not gonna beat myself up over it. I also ate almost all whole foods all day so those calories were high in nutrients.
• no workout - I was exhausted after work and incredibly sore from my workout Tues night. 
• 2 cigarettes
• 12am bedtime - had to stay up and watch the 6th Harry Potter! SO GOOD!
• $0 spent

Now, on to events that happened today... I had my personal training assessment and workout at the gym. One of those "free" dealies to get you sucked into giving the gym all your money. And what I discovered is: I'm incredibly out of shape. Like more out of shape than I ever wanted to admit to. Cardio? Sure thing. An hour of resistance training focusing on core? Please kill me now.

I thought I had a pretty strong core. Before I had a baby I was really proud of my flat toned tummy - and my 100 crunches I did every morning. Granted since having a baby my belly has never really been the same. I'm pretty sure almost every mother on the planet has experienced this. But apparently my core is SUPER weak. I had no idea how bad it was. Holding plank position for 90 seconds made me feel like I was gonna die. Not to mention how incredibly difficult it was to do certain other types of arm/leg exercises that require your core to balance you. Eff. After this hour I hopped on the elliptical to finish off the workout - and just moving my legs, I could feel my lower belly just SCREAMING at me. Tomorrow is gonna be hell I'm sure.

Good news: My legs are incredibly strong. To that I say: DUH. Have you SEEN my thighs? Yes, they're big.. but they aren't squishy. Nowhere close.

So since I'm a new member the personal training would cost half of what it usually does - unfortunately I can't spare the extra $120/month right now. It makes me want to cry pretty hard. Now I have a pretty good idea of what I need to focus on... lower core. In laymans terms? What I like to call: Mommy rolls. Or my baby pooch.

I have a pretty good idea of where I need to start - I can remember everything we did today during the workout. I really wish I had a gym buddy. I feel like such a fool doing floor exercises by myself. But I just have to get the fuck over that mess!!!

From an emotional standpoint: I definitely began the negative inner-monologue almost as soon as the workout ended. "Wow, Jess - way to get excited about losing 20 pounds the last 5 months... doesn't do you much good if you have no strength whatsoever.", etc, etc, etc... it also didn't help that this chick told me I was "off the scale" for BMI when I KNOW that when you take my build into consideration my actual height/weight ratio is just a little bit above normal -- not obese. BMI is really pretty flawed. If you really want to know how to assess your health by your height/weight, you have to use ALL your measurements - including like how big your wrists are, or how thick your arms are at the elbow. That kind of stuff. I know why gyms don't go by that - it takes a lot longer to get all those measurements and stuff. Anyways... I digress. So I started this negative inner-monologue almost immediately and my motivation to want to KEEP going to the gym took a nose-dive, as well as my desire to want to continue to count calories... and just kind of all that general "take care of yourself" stuff. I got in my car and just felt those negative feelings spiraling out of control and literally said out loud to myself, "STOP IT. You're being totally ridiculous. Now you know your trouble spots, you can WORK on them. You CAN get stronger, you CAN fix this. You're doing great. And the better your diet gets, the more weight you lose, the EASIER it will be for your body to do those exercises."

I'm feeling much better about it now. This is just another wake-up call - much like my wake-up call back in June I talked about in yesterday's post. I'm too heavy and my body is suffering and, if I don't do something about it, my health will start to suffer soon, too - especially as I get older.

SO! As I told Mike when he asked me how my personal training went, It was good and it was bad. I hated it because it made me realize how out of shape I really am and she made me work harder than I felt I really could/should (even though I did it) - and I loved it because it made me realize how out of shape I really am and because she made me work harder than I thought I could.