No Smoking - Day 1

I know I've been terrible about posting the last 5 days or so and I know you're owed stat updates and all that diet/exercise stuff... but I just got sat down at work with my MIL (who I happen to also work for) and with tears in her eyes told me how disappointed she was that I'm a smoker... Mike got the talk too.. but it really hurt my feelings. And I pulled that whole smoker thing of making excuses.. and honestly I really am just a social smoker. It's not even something I think about on a normal day. But it doesn't matter because I quit for almost 3 month back in February... and then I started back with smoking like maybe 3 or 4 cigarettes a week... and then a pack a week... and I've noticed lately instead of going my normal Mon. - Thurs. without a single cigarettes, I've been buying packs every 3 days or so and smoking at home, not just at the bars, and not just with an alcoholic beverage in hand.

I've been bargaining with myself.

Now, I've talked plenty about bargaining with myself over food and exercise, but I'm realizing quitting smoking is probably the most important thing I can do for myself. It's funny how I can vote on Maury's poll with my vote being "not smoking" as the most important thing for her... and yet I didn't realize until just now that it's incredibly important for me too. And I'm doing a great disservice to myself to say, "It's okay to go through a whole pack Friday/Saturday nights and the occasional Wednesday or Thursday night since I don't smoke at all or hardly at all the rest of the week."

It's not okay.

If I'm gonna do this I need to just DO IT and quit making excuses and quit cutting deals with myself. I also know it's time because as I write this I'm TOTALLY FREAKING OUT about not being able to go out tonight or tomorrow, or even just chill at home tonight, without smoking if I feel like it. That definitely is not a "social smoker" mentality, that a smoker-smoker mentality lol.

I know I'm going to have breaking points. I know there are going to be days where I'm gonna break down and smoke. And I know that I need to take all that in stride and just start over the next day... but I also know that I can't be "restarting" every two days. Or three days. Or week. I've gotta commit. I've done it before and there's no reason I can't do it again.

On another quick note:
My brand new scale that told me I was at 206lbs last week informed me yesterday morning (even WITH JEANS ON) that I am now *drum roll please* 200lbs. EXACTLY!!! I'm very excited. I even was able to wear one of my old belts this morning... woo!!