I can't decide if I'm bargaining or if I'm really just allowing myself to move through this without feeling guilty about every single non-whole food I eat, allowing myself to enjoy food without obsessing as long as I'm making smart choices. I really hope it's the latter and I'm not setting myself up for a huge fall here. I feel like I've said this about a million times by now... but I'm going to say it once more... if I can just get into a routine of exercising, regardless of what it is, 3-4 times a week, I'm golden. Every time I've lost a large amount of weight it was from a steady exercise schedule. I know this. I just need to actualize this into reality. (I'm so deep.)
- breakfast: organic acai apple granola w/ 2% milk
- am/pm snacks: pears, raw almonds, 8 oz. organic chocolate milk (post-workout), strawberries in cottage cheese with a little bit of stevia
- lunch: Taco Bell bean burrito and crunchy taco w/ 16oz Mountain Dew (not the healthiest ever, but I could have certainly done worse)
- dinner: Progresso light sante fe chicken soup (leftovers from yesterday), big salad w/ bell pepper, onion and peppercorn ranch, and some wheat thins
- 35 minute workout - woo! I didn't make it to the gym, but I took advantage of my basement full of random exercise stuff (dumbells, stability ball, resistance bands, etc) and put together a nice little routine that I'm hoping I'll FEEL tomorrow, both mentally and physically.
- 0 cigarettes
- will get in bed around 10:30 or 11pm
- $3 spent on lunch
I might have some frozen yogurt in a little while, haven't quite decided yet. Maybe just some blended fruit. We'll see how it goes.
Now, a note on mental health:
I have been sooooooo depressed the last couple weeks. I'm not sure if it's just these last few weeks of winter, or lack of exercise, or the fact that I feel like I've lost 90% of my home-base social circle or WHAT... but this shit needs to stop. It's just another reason to kick into gear with that whole get-my-butt-moving-4-times-a-week-or-more. Get those endorphins pumping, man!! In all seriousness though... I haven't been... but I totally could drink like half a bottle of wine or more by myself every night just to feel like I'm "doing something". Sometimes I'm really happy with spending most of my time at home with my hubby (or just by myself), getting to bed at a decent time, reading a book, watching a movie, doing laundry, what-have-you.. but then there are nights where I just want to go out and grab a beer and laugh and get the hell out of my house for even just an hour - and I seriously have no one left to do that with.
Maybe this is what a quarter-life crisis feels like?
It's okay... it's a process.
A. Quarter-life crisis? God, let's hope I live to be 108. lol.
ReplyDeleteB. Move to Chicago! I'll hang out with you, bitch. Also, feel free to call whenever you need an ear.
C. I've been big into the "it's a process" thing too. So a word about it. With the food, I think you're just being realistic. You can't force yourself to eat like a bird for the rest of your life. It's just not realistic and you know that. The real key is learning to be healthy in the real world, and the real world involves work parties and nights where fast food is the only thing you can afford (both timewise and financially). With the cigarettes though, I'll be honest. I was really good all through the first three weeks of January, but by the end of February I found myself tapering off. It would be like one a day for two days in a row, one day with none, than three more days with one. And, to be honest, it began to become a habit again. I could feel the incline, the slippery slope. So I say allow yourself some flexibility with calories, but you've gotta be strict about the smoking as much as possible. It scared me how easy it was to grow "used to it" again. It happened almost without me knowing it, and so going back to no cigarettes at all has been hard all over again. Sucks.
...do they have Wegmans in Chicago? 'cause I've pretty much decided I can't live anywhere that doesn't have a Wegmans... lol
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