I've had a very strange week this week. It all started with a migraine on Sunday evening. The second one in a month for me. This is unusual, not because migraines are unusual for me, but because I normally only get 2-4 a year... not 2 in a month. I broke it down to: birth control.
I have been really bad about taking my birth control like I normally would this cycle. My normal routine is that the pill gets popped with my handful of vitamins every morning around 8am (with the exception of Saturdays and/or Sundays, on which I usually remember sometime around 10am). Well, my worst-migraine-I've-ever-had popped up last month after I forgot to take my pill one day until around 7pm... and then went ahead and took my next one at my normal of 8am. HORMONE OVERLOAD. Apparently. So when I started this next pack, my first day back on active pills I neglected to take it until around 11am. Deciding I would not like to go through another migraine, I made the decision to switch my normal time to 11am. Well this was a big fail because I have a life and work and 2 children and 11am and is just too far into a normal day to try to remember to anything at a specific time. So all cycle I've been taking it sometimes at 10am, sometimes noon, sometimes not until 2pm, sometimes actually at 11am... this apparently has made me a little crazy.
I've been highly sensitive for the last week, quick to anger, quick to cry, pissed off at my husband and/or children for no reason whatsoever, bouncing back and forth between feeling pumped and positive and happy to the next moment wanting to punch people in the face. I believe the recent full moon probably has something to do with this as well lol.
Here's the other thing: since my migraine on Sunday night, I've been getting mini-headaches every day this week. I can't think straight, I can't concentrate, I can't remember what I'm doing even when I'm in the middle of something. I realized last night I've been STARVING since Sunday. I ate very little Sunday until after my headache... I've been staying well-within my calorie limit, plus walking every day. Then there was the laser tag and dancing extravaganza Friday night that left me incredibly dehydrated. I don't think I had quite recovered. Even after my veggie burrito bowl lunch at Qdoba yesterday, an hour and a half later I found myself starving again. That is incredibly unusual for me. After a Qdoba lunch I normally don't need anything but a light snack for dinner because it keeps me full and satisfied until well into the evening.
So last night I went to this amazing pizza/beer place with a couple friends for drinks. Because Qdoba had obviously failed my all-of-a-sudden insatiable hunger, I ended up ordering a delicious wood-fired pizza brushed with olive oil (no tomato sauce) topped with whole milk mozzarella (YUM! HUGE difference from part-skim), mushrooms, artichoke hearts, chunks of fresh garlic and prosciutto. It was incredibly delicious and full of calories and fats and everything my body was screaming for. A nearly-3,000 calorie splurge day has never felt so amazing and so right. I didn't feel bad or guilty for one second. This morning I woke up and felt more "normal" than I've felt all week.
Listening to your body and not criticizing your cravings is sometimes the best thing you can do for yourself, in my opinion. I can't even describe how amazing it felt to eat and really enjoy my food with no guilt, no feelings of "I'll have to be extra 'good' tomorrow", not feeling the need to binge on what I ordered but simply eat until I was satisfied and to take the rest home for a second meal the next day, and probably most importantly: not feeling the need to binge on other junky foods just because I had "already messed up" for that day, week, whatever.
Okay, so now this: You know how I've been sort of avoiding exercise like the plague? And how I was supposedly putting together a training/food program for my husband and haven't said anything more about that (talk about feeling guilty...)?
Well, I haven't done anything as far as actually writing down a program for Mike to follow... which I feel terrible about.. and will eventually get to within the next few days because otherwise I fear he will just give up entirely on "being healthy" and think I'm not supportive of him... but as far as exercising: Mike and I have been taking near-daily walks for 20-40 minutes depending on how much time I have, and I feel pretty awesome about it! I know it's not intense exercise or activity by any means.. but it's something. And that is definitely more than what I was doing a month ago. I'll take it. Slowly, but surely, Folks. Slowly, but surely.
I haven't posted food in nearly a week, so if you are interested you can look it up yourself by following this link:
http://www.myfitnesspal.com/PrettyGirlsOnFire
Feel free to send me a friend request if you are a fellow MyFitnessPal user!
8/24/12
The Downside of Being Smarter Than Everyone Else
I have a this terrible habit of, when I don't know something, going and learning about it. Sometimes, if it strikes my fancy, I become an information gobbling machine and can't stop hitting myself in the face with knowledge and more knowledge.
The reason this is a terrible habit is because: I don't understand why everyone doesn't do this.
It's getting to the point where I may be becoming a bit of a radical - especially in terms of food and fitness. I find myself constantly "correcting" people - "No, you really should be focusing on strength training if your goal is fat loss. Too much cardio can actually make your body retain fat more efficiently and therefore stall weight loss. Let me quote the 7 books I've read in the last 4 months on the subject." "No, you really shouldn't be focusing on low-fat. Your body needs fat. New research suggests that saturated fats may actually be good for you." "No, you shouldn't worry about the number on the scale. Muscle takes up less space than fat, therefore the more muscle you have the skinnier you are but the more you weigh. Take your measurements and focus on building strength."
These are just some examples of my everyday bossiness. It probably helps that I have lots of people around me who seem to like it when I tell them what to do.
I said in a recent post that I was going to be reading Dr. William Clower's "The French Don't Diet" book. It's been really great so far, I'm almost half-way through. The concept is very simple: Eat whole foods. Even if they are full fat, full carb, full sugar (in moderation on this last one - also notice I said "sugar", not "high-fructose corn syrup"). In fact, speaking on fat specifically: full fat foods are actually better for you because they possess more nutrients which in turn keep your body fueled and satisfied longer, which in the long-run means you are actually consuming less. It is so simple. Sounds like an amazing "experiment" to me. Once I finish the book I'm going to work on implementing this simple ideas into my current diet and lifestyle.
But here's the thing: I say that. But will I actually do it?
This is the downside of being smarter than everyone else... I'm a big, fat hypocrite. I'll dole out my free (and sometimes unsolicited lol!) advice to anyone who is dumb enough to broach the subject in my presence, but just know that I do not always live my life to the healthiest as I know (all too well, thanks to my addiction to education) I should. I still indulge in fast-food, faux food, and all the chemically and genetically modified foods offered at every turn in this the great U.S. of A... I try to limit my indulgences, but I certainly do not eat the amount of fresh foods that I should be.
One thing I can say for myself: I have not eaten McDonald's in more than 6 months.
...but that doesn't mean I haven't fed it to my eldest child... *hangs head in shame*
It's hard to know how much fake, chemical crap is in the foods I consume on a regular basis... and to know that these foods are stalling my weight loss and ruining my health in general... but to really not quite have reached the point of having the willpower to say, "No. I will NOT eat Taco Bell anymore. I WILL buy local produce at my local farmer's market, I WILL purchase grass-fed beef and free-range chicken, I WILL buy all organic dairy! AS GOD AS MY WITNESS!!!"
...okay, that got a little dramatic. I will get there. Just like I'm slowly getting there with being more active - daily walks, etc. I keep waiting for that magical "I'm fed up" moment. And I know it's coming. I can feel it. My youngest son will soon be 1, and will stop eating baby food that is organic and nicely prepared in easy jar-form... this will probably be my wake up call to say, "I will NOT let my baby know the delicious poison that is McDonald's french fries!! I will NOT feed my already giant child milk pumped full of chemicals and hormones!". I'm just going to leave it at saying: I was too young and dumb to do this with my oldest. This was when I thought I would never be overweight, so why should I learn about the food I eat? HA! Just because you are skinny, does not mean you are healthy.
Oh, it's a long hard road ahead, folks. I'm trying incredibly hard not to become a completely insane "food freedom" radical in the process of learning all these scary things about the food we eat. (ps - food freedom is something I came up with. I don't know if this is like an actual movement or anything, but I feel like it sounds good.) More importantly, I'm going to try not to be such a damn hypocrite anymore.
Speaking of hypocrites... my food for the last few days:
The reason this is a terrible habit is because: I don't understand why everyone doesn't do this.
It's getting to the point where I may be becoming a bit of a radical - especially in terms of food and fitness. I find myself constantly "correcting" people - "No, you really should be focusing on strength training if your goal is fat loss. Too much cardio can actually make your body retain fat more efficiently and therefore stall weight loss. Let me quote the 7 books I've read in the last 4 months on the subject." "No, you really shouldn't be focusing on low-fat. Your body needs fat. New research suggests that saturated fats may actually be good for you." "No, you shouldn't worry about the number on the scale. Muscle takes up less space than fat, therefore the more muscle you have the skinnier you are but the more you weigh. Take your measurements and focus on building strength."
These are just some examples of my everyday bossiness. It probably helps that I have lots of people around me who seem to like it when I tell them what to do.
I said in a recent post that I was going to be reading Dr. William Clower's "The French Don't Diet" book. It's been really great so far, I'm almost half-way through. The concept is very simple: Eat whole foods. Even if they are full fat, full carb, full sugar (in moderation on this last one - also notice I said "sugar", not "high-fructose corn syrup"). In fact, speaking on fat specifically: full fat foods are actually better for you because they possess more nutrients which in turn keep your body fueled and satisfied longer, which in the long-run means you are actually consuming less. It is so simple. Sounds like an amazing "experiment" to me. Once I finish the book I'm going to work on implementing this simple ideas into my current diet and lifestyle.
But here's the thing: I say that. But will I actually do it?
This is the downside of being smarter than everyone else... I'm a big, fat hypocrite. I'll dole out my free (and sometimes unsolicited lol!) advice to anyone who is dumb enough to broach the subject in my presence, but just know that I do not always live my life to the healthiest as I know (all too well, thanks to my addiction to education) I should. I still indulge in fast-food, faux food, and all the chemically and genetically modified foods offered at every turn in this the great U.S. of A... I try to limit my indulgences, but I certainly do not eat the amount of fresh foods that I should be.
One thing I can say for myself: I have not eaten McDonald's in more than 6 months.
...but that doesn't mean I haven't fed it to my eldest child... *hangs head in shame*
It's hard to know how much fake, chemical crap is in the foods I consume on a regular basis... and to know that these foods are stalling my weight loss and ruining my health in general... but to really not quite have reached the point of having the willpower to say, "No. I will NOT eat Taco Bell anymore. I WILL buy local produce at my local farmer's market, I WILL purchase grass-fed beef and free-range chicken, I WILL buy all organic dairy! AS GOD AS MY WITNESS!!!"
...okay, that got a little dramatic. I will get there. Just like I'm slowly getting there with being more active - daily walks, etc. I keep waiting for that magical "I'm fed up" moment. And I know it's coming. I can feel it. My youngest son will soon be 1, and will stop eating baby food that is organic and nicely prepared in easy jar-form... this will probably be my wake up call to say, "I will NOT let my baby know the delicious poison that is McDonald's french fries!! I will NOT feed my already giant child milk pumped full of chemicals and hormones!". I'm just going to leave it at saying: I was too young and dumb to do this with my oldest. This was when I thought I would never be overweight, so why should I learn about the food I eat? HA! Just because you are skinny, does not mean you are healthy.
Oh, it's a long hard road ahead, folks. I'm trying incredibly hard not to become a completely insane "food freedom" radical in the process of learning all these scary things about the food we eat. (ps - food freedom is something I came up with. I don't know if this is like an actual movement or anything, but I feel like it sounds good.) More importantly, I'm going to try not to be such a damn hypocrite anymore.
Speaking of hypocrites... my food for the last few days:
8/21/12
Adventures in various things
Today was an excellent day in my Adventures In Eating. It was also an excellent day in my Adventures of Being Active.
I had my normal-as-of-late breakfast of a Nature Valley protein deliciousness bar (peanutbutter and dark chocolate - who could ask for more?), and a fresh pear. I snacked on some almonds and a tangerine (which said it was seedless, but had more seeds in it than any regular old seedless tangerine I'd ever eaten!). I ate Taco Bell for lunch. It was delicious. I understand that Taco Bell is terrible, terrible for you. I also understand that it represents almost everything I hate about FDA controlled food sources, with its not-really-all-beef beef - which contains nearly 25 ingredients, a warning stating "Contains Wheat and Soy". Last I checked cow flesh did not contain wheat and/or soy... but anyhoo. The one I can say: the crunchy taco shells containing my 25 ingredient "beef" and lettuce and cheese and HOT Border Sauce DO NOT contain WOOD PULP or TRANS FATS. I wish I could say the same for Chipotle's crunchy taco shells. So I will allow myself my Taco Bell obsession. And also my Qdoba obsession... After lunch I proceeded to take a 30 minute walk in the GORGEOUS weather we had here in Virginia today, and for dinner I ate a serving of Jamaican jerk marinaded chicken breast with 1/4 cup of mashed sweet potatoes and a small square of 72% cacao dark chocolate with 1/2 cup of grapefruit for dessert. My net calories for the day currently are right around 1200. Plenty of room left for some beers (another thing to add to obsessions) and/or a light snack later.
I am getting ridiculously excited for my copy of The French Don't Diet Plan to arrive. I'm not even sure that living in regular suburban/urban America I can access the types of foods required to follow a French-style "diet"... but we do have a Wegman's down the way with a cheese department the size of most standard grocery store's entire dairy section... as well as a generous selection of free-range and grass-fed meats. We'll see how long I can stick with this.. assuming after educating myself it still sounds like a good idea.
Super awesome thing about today: my mom told me I was getting "really skinny". She is somewhat of a fibber since I'm still a good 25-30lbs away from being close to a healthy weight for my height/build. But it still felt nice to know that someone who sees me on an almost-daily basis is able to "see" my current weight loss.
Since about the end of last week I've been feeling super happy with my body and my eating choices. I don't know what that's about, but I'm going to attribute some of it to finding a couple of different inspiring websites/blogs (here's one in particular: http://www.healthyisthenewskinny.com/), plus creating my new "body positivity" pin board on Pinterest, which you can check out here.
It's kind of amazing what looking at pictures of half-nekkid ladies that are the same size or heavier than you can do. (I'll give you a hint: it makes you realize skinny ain't sexy.)
I'm really excited that there are all these body positive sites and campaigns going around right now. It's important for young women to be encouraged to accept their bodies regardless or their shape or size. I think I'll talk more on this later. Right now I have a phone date with one of my favorite people.. my cousin Maury! :)
I had my normal-as-of-late breakfast of a Nature Valley protein deliciousness bar (peanutbutter and dark chocolate - who could ask for more?), and a fresh pear. I snacked on some almonds and a tangerine (which said it was seedless, but had more seeds in it than any regular old seedless tangerine I'd ever eaten!). I ate Taco Bell for lunch. It was delicious. I understand that Taco Bell is terrible, terrible for you. I also understand that it represents almost everything I hate about FDA controlled food sources, with its not-really-all-beef beef - which contains nearly 25 ingredients, a warning stating "Contains Wheat and Soy". Last I checked cow flesh did not contain wheat and/or soy... but anyhoo. The one I can say: the crunchy taco shells containing my 25 ingredient "beef" and lettuce and cheese and HOT Border Sauce DO NOT contain WOOD PULP or TRANS FATS. I wish I could say the same for Chipotle's crunchy taco shells. So I will allow myself my Taco Bell obsession. And also my Qdoba obsession... After lunch I proceeded to take a 30 minute walk in the GORGEOUS weather we had here in Virginia today, and for dinner I ate a serving of Jamaican jerk marinaded chicken breast with 1/4 cup of mashed sweet potatoes and a small square of 72% cacao dark chocolate with 1/2 cup of grapefruit for dessert. My net calories for the day currently are right around 1200. Plenty of room left for some beers (another thing to add to obsessions) and/or a light snack later.
I am getting ridiculously excited for my copy of The French Don't Diet Plan to arrive. I'm not even sure that living in regular suburban/urban America I can access the types of foods required to follow a French-style "diet"... but we do have a Wegman's down the way with a cheese department the size of most standard grocery store's entire dairy section... as well as a generous selection of free-range and grass-fed meats. We'll see how long I can stick with this.. assuming after educating myself it still sounds like a good idea.
Super awesome thing about today: my mom told me I was getting "really skinny". She is somewhat of a fibber since I'm still a good 25-30lbs away from being close to a healthy weight for my height/build. But it still felt nice to know that someone who sees me on an almost-daily basis is able to "see" my current weight loss.
Since about the end of last week I've been feeling super happy with my body and my eating choices. I don't know what that's about, but I'm going to attribute some of it to finding a couple of different inspiring websites/blogs (here's one in particular: http://www.healthyisthenewskinny.com/), plus creating my new "body positivity" pin board on Pinterest, which you can check out here.
It's kind of amazing what looking at pictures of half-nekkid ladies that are the same size or heavier than you can do. (I'll give you a hint: it makes you realize skinny ain't sexy.)
I'm really excited that there are all these body positive sites and campaigns going around right now. It's important for young women to be encouraged to accept their bodies regardless or their shape or size. I think I'll talk more on this later. Right now I have a phone date with one of my favorite people.. my cousin Maury! :)
Overloading and over.. educated?
I have had so many amazing health-related conversations this week. From my husband deciding he's "sick of being fat" and asking me to help him with his diet/nutrition as well as put together some kind of a training routine, to discussing at length and into the wee hours of the night the corruption of the FDA and the food industry in general, the obesity "epidemic", how these things effect the idea, implementation and application of universal healthcare, and learning about the French Paradox... it's been awesome and chaos all at once.
Today I read the history of saccharin. No, for real. It was fascinating. Aspertame as well. Even MORE fascinating and terrifying.
I always felt like I knew this, but now more than I ever I'm realizing how important it is to consume REAL FOOD. Natural, grown-in-the-ground, raised-on-a-farm, non-genetically-modified, locally-grown/raised FOOD.
I learned that in 2010 a bill that was passed regarding the FDA and its control over... well... the human race... has essentially made the FDA a "super force", in which they now can control what you put into your body and you have absolutely no say. No say whatsoever. It also outlaws homegrown foods. Be careful not to post anything on Facebook about the vegetable garden you planted this year. (Learn more about the FDA bill here (this bill was actually passed and signed into order by the President under H.R. 2751). This is a good breakdown. I even read some of the actual bill. Ugh. THAT was fun!)
Terrifying. Absolutely terrifying.
I was amazed that I didn't really hear about this while it was going on... but I guess it wasn't considered "real" news.
Sorry to get so crazy serious all of a sudden. It's just... very scary. The political climate right now is absolutely terrifying. This may sound completely radical and insane... but there is a part of me that questions my decision to bring another child into this world. Things are getting too deep now - but that's kind of where I am when I think about the U.S. lately. It makes me want to look into living in other countries. I hear Switzerland is nice, albeit cold.
Getting back to more of the light and fluffy!
I'm very excited that Mike has decided to jump on the get-healthy bandwagon, even if it is for purely aesthetic reasons! I am in the process of doing a little more reading/learning about male physiology and how to best utilize cardio vs weight training. I know all about the female side of this, as I am one and am completely obsessed with learning everything I can! (Even though I don't always apply that to myself as I should...)
I will post here about what I find and how it's working.
I ordered a book about the French paradox, and I'm really excited for it to get here so I can delve in and perhaps experiment with the French "diet" - lots of cheese, bread, and wine? Sounds like fun to me!!
I did amazingly well with my calories over the weekend. Yesterday, not so much... damn Dairy Queen... but nonetheless. I logged a nearly 3lb loss on Friday, I'll take it! I must be doing something right.
Here is my food for the weekend and beginning of this week for those that are interested:
Today I read the history of saccharin. No, for real. It was fascinating. Aspertame as well. Even MORE fascinating and terrifying.
I always felt like I knew this, but now more than I ever I'm realizing how important it is to consume REAL FOOD. Natural, grown-in-the-ground, raised-on-a-farm, non-genetically-modified, locally-grown/raised FOOD.
I learned that in 2010 a bill that was passed regarding the FDA and its control over... well... the human race... has essentially made the FDA a "super force", in which they now can control what you put into your body and you have absolutely no say. No say whatsoever. It also outlaws homegrown foods. Be careful not to post anything on Facebook about the vegetable garden you planted this year. (Learn more about the FDA bill here (this bill was actually passed and signed into order by the President under H.R. 2751). This is a good breakdown. I even read some of the actual bill. Ugh. THAT was fun!)
Terrifying. Absolutely terrifying.
I was amazed that I didn't really hear about this while it was going on... but I guess it wasn't considered "real" news.
Sorry to get so crazy serious all of a sudden. It's just... very scary. The political climate right now is absolutely terrifying. This may sound completely radical and insane... but there is a part of me that questions my decision to bring another child into this world. Things are getting too deep now - but that's kind of where I am when I think about the U.S. lately. It makes me want to look into living in other countries. I hear Switzerland is nice, albeit cold.
Getting back to more of the light and fluffy!
I'm very excited that Mike has decided to jump on the get-healthy bandwagon, even if it is for purely aesthetic reasons! I am in the process of doing a little more reading/learning about male physiology and how to best utilize cardio vs weight training. I know all about the female side of this, as I am one and am completely obsessed with learning everything I can! (Even though I don't always apply that to myself as I should...)
I will post here about what I find and how it's working.
I ordered a book about the French paradox, and I'm really excited for it to get here so I can delve in and perhaps experiment with the French "diet" - lots of cheese, bread, and wine? Sounds like fun to me!!
I did amazingly well with my calories over the weekend. Yesterday, not so much... damn Dairy Queen... but nonetheless. I logged a nearly 3lb loss on Friday, I'll take it! I must be doing something right.
Here is my food for the weekend and beginning of this week for those that are interested:
8/17/12
Happy Surprises!
My 6 year old had a sleepover with Grandma last night, which meant that my morning was calm and easy-going... and I was actually able to remember to step on the scale before getting dressed and leaving for work. I also had time to take measurements.
Measurements as of 8/17/2012 (updates in BLUE):
Measurements as of 8/17/2012 (updates in BLUE):
Estimated Body Fat % (YMCA formula): 36% - 33%
Weight: 209 lbs - 195.8lbs
Waist: 37” / 41” at navel - 34” / 38” at navel
Chest: 43” - 41"
Hips: 48.5” - 45"
Thighs: 28” - 26"
Arms (flexed): 13” - 12"
Jean/Pant Size: 20 - 14/16 (depending on the day and brand)
Shirt Size: XL/XXL - L (firmly wearing a large in all the brands I shop now, woo!)
I'm VERY proud of these accomplishments! It's nice to realize there is actually progress being made.
I still haven't had the chance to sit down and draft out the other billion things I want to blog about. A couple of them I really need to research a little deeper before choosing a stance... stand by.
Enjoy some calorie-diary fun:
I'm VERY proud of these accomplishments! It's nice to realize there is actually progress being made.
I still haven't had the chance to sit down and draft out the other billion things I want to blog about. A couple of them I really need to research a little deeper before choosing a stance... stand by.
Enjoy some calorie-diary fun:
8/15/12
So many!
There are so many things going through my head right now that I want to blog about. I just a couple hours to sit down and sort it all out (ha!). Soon, my readers, soon!
For now... food from this week (not including the weekend - both Friday and Saturday consumed just under 3,000 calories), so far:
For now... food from this week (not including the weekend - both Friday and Saturday consumed just under 3,000 calories), so far:
8/10/12
Healthier than I think?
I was perusing through some of my favorite health and fitness blogs this morning when I came across a post about weight gain and then one followed by discussions of binge eating. Kind of the norm for most health and fitness bloggers, but for some reason it occurred to me as I read these stories of failure and success... that I am healthier, I think.
I do not have disordered eating. I have some days where I crave mostly fat and sweets, and I sometimes indulge these cravings. But I do not binge, nor do I deprive myself to the point of being unhealthy. I may have a slight junk food addiction, this is true. But if I don't put myself in a situation where I have access to that junk, then it doesn't bother me and I'm happy to eat whatever normal-type-foods I may have at home such as: fruits, veggies, whole wheat pasta, chicken breast, salad, etc. I just did major grocery shopping for the first time in about a month, and I'm incredibly excited to eat all those delicious fresh, whole foods!
I consider myself incredibly lucky. I have a positive attitude toward food. It's something I enjoy, but I don't "reward" myself with it, not do I "punish" myself with it. I'm a big fan of splurge days. I've finally reached a point in my "dieting" where I don't even feel guilty for those splurges.
So speaking of splurges and healthy relationships with food... I gained 1.6lbs over the last two weeks. I'm set to start my period this weekend, so this could very easily be water-retention and/or some bloating. I was pretty lenient with myself on calories week before last, but I've been much more active this week and last so I feel like that sort of balanced itself out.
Official weight @ 8/10/2012: 198.6lbs
I'm still under 200, though, and that definitely counts for something. I've now been maintaining for about 6 weeks. I think I definitely need to dig a little for that motivation to either a) commit to clean eating for a month or two, or b) get into some kind of regular activity/exercise routine. Still kind of fighting through this whole "I don't wanna" stage, though. Not gonna lie.
I have 10 weeks until Andrea's wedding. I wanted to be at my halfway goal of 185lbs by then. If I really want to push for that then I have 10 weeks to lose roughly 12lbs. That's 1.2lbs/week. I've been steadily losing about 0.5 to 0.75 pounds a week. Outlook not so great, lol! It's okay. I'm feeling so much more confident in this slow-but-steady approach. I've lost all my pregnancy weight and I'm just a couple weeks shy of the 9 month mark. It took me 2 years to gain the other 30lbs I'm currently still carrying around. It may very well take me 2 years to lose that.
One thing I need to really try to remember to do this weekend (or some other not-too-far-in-the-future time) is take my measurements! I can't even remember the last time I did that. It may have been March when I attempted to start the Body Breakthrough program. I am also going to run by body fat % calculation with new measurements and weight. We'll see! Kind of excited about it. I'm a weirdo.
I need to get better about posting my food. This, I think, will definitely help with keeping me accountable to keep the hell away from the fast food!! I've been eating out for lunch almost every day... and although I'm paying attention to what I'm ordering as far as caloric value... this is not helping my too-much-saturated-fat intake problem. Which, in turn, has become a big-fat-belly problem.
Here is yesterday's (I did really well, actually):
I do not have disordered eating. I have some days where I crave mostly fat and sweets, and I sometimes indulge these cravings. But I do not binge, nor do I deprive myself to the point of being unhealthy. I may have a slight junk food addiction, this is true. But if I don't put myself in a situation where I have access to that junk, then it doesn't bother me and I'm happy to eat whatever normal-type-foods I may have at home such as: fruits, veggies, whole wheat pasta, chicken breast, salad, etc. I just did major grocery shopping for the first time in about a month, and I'm incredibly excited to eat all those delicious fresh, whole foods!
I consider myself incredibly lucky. I have a positive attitude toward food. It's something I enjoy, but I don't "reward" myself with it, not do I "punish" myself with it. I'm a big fan of splurge days. I've finally reached a point in my "dieting" where I don't even feel guilty for those splurges.
So speaking of splurges and healthy relationships with food... I gained 1.6lbs over the last two weeks. I'm set to start my period this weekend, so this could very easily be water-retention and/or some bloating. I was pretty lenient with myself on calories week before last, but I've been much more active this week and last so I feel like that sort of balanced itself out.
Official weight @ 8/10/2012: 198.6lbs
I'm still under 200, though, and that definitely counts for something. I've now been maintaining for about 6 weeks. I think I definitely need to dig a little for that motivation to either a) commit to clean eating for a month or two, or b) get into some kind of regular activity/exercise routine. Still kind of fighting through this whole "I don't wanna" stage, though. Not gonna lie.
I have 10 weeks until Andrea's wedding. I wanted to be at my halfway goal of 185lbs by then. If I really want to push for that then I have 10 weeks to lose roughly 12lbs. That's 1.2lbs/week. I've been steadily losing about 0.5 to 0.75 pounds a week. Outlook not so great, lol! It's okay. I'm feeling so much more confident in this slow-but-steady approach. I've lost all my pregnancy weight and I'm just a couple weeks shy of the 9 month mark. It took me 2 years to gain the other 30lbs I'm currently still carrying around. It may very well take me 2 years to lose that.
One thing I need to really try to remember to do this weekend (or some other not-too-far-in-the-future time) is take my measurements! I can't even remember the last time I did that. It may have been March when I attempted to start the Body Breakthrough program. I am also going to run by body fat % calculation with new measurements and weight. We'll see! Kind of excited about it. I'm a weirdo.
I need to get better about posting my food. This, I think, will definitely help with keeping me accountable to keep the hell away from the fast food!! I've been eating out for lunch almost every day... and although I'm paying attention to what I'm ordering as far as caloric value... this is not helping my too-much-saturated-fat intake problem. Which, in turn, has become a big-fat-belly problem.
Here is yesterday's (I did really well, actually):
8/7/12
Well, hello August...
Soooo I think it's pretty obvious that I took a vacation from my blog this July. It was not an on-purpose vacation. For some reason blogging has been even lower on the priority totem pole as exercising. I also realized that I had even updated my weight tracking.. did that today and realize I've only lost 2lbs this whole month. *shrugs* oh, well. At least I'm still losing.
I'm kind of in this "I don't wanna" mindset lately. Exercise? I don't wanna. Go to bed at a decent time? I don't wanna. Avoid extra calories by not drinking beer nightly? I don't wanna.
Things I HAVE wanted to do: eat more fruits, veggies and nuts and other healthy fats, really focus on portion control, cook more. These are all awesome things! I'm still struggling with my Taco Bell/Qdoba (think Chipotle) addiction... but it's getting better. I've also made an effort to at least walk when I can - ie: when it isn't 106 degrees and 90% humidity. (Virginia weather has been awful this Summer!)
About a week ago I went on a cleaning frenzy. I guess I finally hit my breaking point with the mess in my house... upstairs especially. 3 hours of running up and down the stairs, vacuuming floors/furniture/walls, cleaning out drawers and closets, throwing away various "potions" (as my mother calls them - lotions, perfumes, etc.) that I haven't used or even LIKED in years, making room in my medicine cabinet for the few "potions" I do still use on a regular basis as well as my deodorant and contact lense stuff. It felt SO GOOD. And then I almost died... because I was going full-speed this whole time, non-stop movement... and I burned like 650 calories!! Definitely the most exercise I'd had in a while. Then this past weekend. Oh lord. 2,000 calories burned on Saturday. For real!!
It went a little something like this:
I'm kind of in this "I don't wanna" mindset lately. Exercise? I don't wanna. Go to bed at a decent time? I don't wanna. Avoid extra calories by not drinking beer nightly? I don't wanna.
Things I HAVE wanted to do: eat more fruits, veggies and nuts and other healthy fats, really focus on portion control, cook more. These are all awesome things! I'm still struggling with my Taco Bell/Qdoba (think Chipotle) addiction... but it's getting better. I've also made an effort to at least walk when I can - ie: when it isn't 106 degrees and 90% humidity. (Virginia weather has been awful this Summer!)
About a week ago I went on a cleaning frenzy. I guess I finally hit my breaking point with the mess in my house... upstairs especially. 3 hours of running up and down the stairs, vacuuming floors/furniture/walls, cleaning out drawers and closets, throwing away various "potions" (as my mother calls them - lotions, perfumes, etc.) that I haven't used or even LIKED in years, making room in my medicine cabinet for the few "potions" I do still use on a regular basis as well as my deodorant and contact lense stuff. It felt SO GOOD. And then I almost died... because I was going full-speed this whole time, non-stop movement... and I burned like 650 calories!! Definitely the most exercise I'd had in a while. Then this past weekend. Oh lord. 2,000 calories burned on Saturday. For real!!
It went a little something like this:
- Woke up and did awesome boot camp thanks to Andrea's friend Jenny - this was about an hour, plus we walked after a LOT.
- Went to the beach, spent literally 3 hours straight in the water frolicking, fighting waves, body surfing, general fun and constantly moving.
- Went to out to "da club" for Andrea's bachelorette celebration and danced my little butt off!!
It was awesome. I felt totally amazing after that boot camp... but definitely was ridiculously sore until probably about an hour ago (it's now Tuesday night, btw).
I felt like maybe all of that had inspired me to get back into working out, but today I'm kind of back into the "blahs" with the workout stuff. I've been more active in general as far as house-work, taking walks at lunch, playing with my kiddos, etc. I'm feeling like that's pretty good for now. I really want to continue focusing on my food and portion control stuff. I think I've reached a point mentally where I feel like losing the weight by controlling calories/food is easier right now than finding the motivation to exercise. I've been pretty successful so far! I'm down almost 20lbs since January, and though it's been a slow loss, it's consistent and I'm feeling good about it. I'm feeling like my plan, without consciously meaning for it to be, has become to "shrink" - ie: lose the scale-weight first - and THEN focus on toning. Maybe that's a crap idea, but I'm comfortable with it right now and it's been easy for me to stick with it. That's what's important.
Soooo... it's August already! When did THAT happen?! This year has flown by so fast. I can't believe it's just a few weeks and school starts again and the days will begin getting shorter. Just a couple short months and it will be downright COLD! ...I'm going to try not to think about that and get myself all depressed. lol
I'm going to try to be better about writing more often. I think it definitely helps me keep... sane. Ha! I feel like I had all of these things over the last month that I wanted to talk about, but I can't remember a single one right now. Oh, well. I'll just have to be better about posting when something pops in mind, right?!
Enjoy this... my new favorite song:
7/2/12
For Serious, and Breaking the 200 mark - again
Omg, you guys. I was just going through some old "drafts" that are still hanging out in my little bloggy dashboard area thing... I still have so far to go. In one draft I was talking about how I was eating upwards of 10 servings of fruit and veggies a day! A DAY!! And exercising consistently 3 days a week, but most weeks 5 days. UUUUGGGHHHH!! *stabstabstab*
Why can't I get with it?!
I am lucky if I get 3 servings of fruit and veggies a day now. My saturated fat intake is a little out of control. My sugar intake is still completely out of control. And I have SO MANY days where I say to myself, "I'm not for-real hungry, but I'm bored, and I'm bored-hungry for ALL THE FATTENING, PROCESSED, DELICIOUS THINGS!!"... and then sometimes I proceed to just, well, eat them.
I had been maintaining at right around 200lbs for the last month, but I stepped on my scale Saturday morning to see something glorious... "198.8"!!!!!!
I am only a pound away from my official pre-baby weight!
So in March, as some of you may know, I joined MyFitnessPal. My weight at the time was 209, so that's what I put into my profile information. My mom asked me yesterday at the pool how much weight I had lost because, she said, "You look great!". So I said, "Oh, like 10 lbs I guess.." and then I said, "Well, no, I guess more than that because on my scale I was 216lbs on January 1st." and she said, "So, that's more like 20 lbs!!" and I realized, why, YES. YES IT IS. So I decided to update my MyFitnessPal today to reflect my starting weight from January 1, instead of my "I just started using MyFitnessPal" starting weight. It feels pretty damn good to log-in there and see "You've lost 17lbs!" at that sidebar.
I'm not doing as well on my eating and exercise as I was back in the beginning of 2011 and end of 2010. I'll get there. I should probably sit down and read back through some of my entries to see if I can relocate that motivation and drive. Really my only excuse right now is that having two kids is hard and one of them being an infant is exhausting. The last thing I want to do after dinner is trek my way over to the gym for a strength routine. I just want to sit on my couch, eat Dairy Queen, and watch television.
At the beginning of this year I had a goal I wanted to reach by my friend Andrea's wedding... well, I had almost 10 months to get there at the beginning of the year... now I have not-quite-four. But for some reason I keep telling myself, "You have plenty of time." Um, no. Especially at the rate I lose weight. Let's be honest here. If I work SUPER HARD and never drink and eat only clean, I could maybe MAYbe lose 5lbs/month, putting me around my halfway goal of 185. *sigh*
First things first, find the damn motivation. Where are you, motivation, where are you?!?!
Here's a screenshot of my net calories for the last month:
Why can't I get with it?!
I am lucky if I get 3 servings of fruit and veggies a day now. My saturated fat intake is a little out of control. My sugar intake is still completely out of control. And I have SO MANY days where I say to myself, "I'm not for-real hungry, but I'm bored, and I'm bored-hungry for ALL THE FATTENING, PROCESSED, DELICIOUS THINGS!!"... and then sometimes I proceed to just, well, eat them.
I had been maintaining at right around 200lbs for the last month, but I stepped on my scale Saturday morning to see something glorious... "198.8"!!!!!!
I am only a pound away from my official pre-baby weight!
So in March, as some of you may know, I joined MyFitnessPal. My weight at the time was 209, so that's what I put into my profile information. My mom asked me yesterday at the pool how much weight I had lost because, she said, "You look great!". So I said, "Oh, like 10 lbs I guess.." and then I said, "Well, no, I guess more than that because on my scale I was 216lbs on January 1st." and she said, "So, that's more like 20 lbs!!" and I realized, why, YES. YES IT IS. So I decided to update my MyFitnessPal today to reflect my starting weight from January 1, instead of my "I just started using MyFitnessPal" starting weight. It feels pretty damn good to log-in there and see "You've lost 17lbs!" at that sidebar.
I'm not doing as well on my eating and exercise as I was back in the beginning of 2011 and end of 2010. I'll get there. I should probably sit down and read back through some of my entries to see if I can relocate that motivation and drive. Really my only excuse right now is that having two kids is hard and one of them being an infant is exhausting. The last thing I want to do after dinner is trek my way over to the gym for a strength routine. I just want to sit on my couch, eat Dairy Queen, and watch television.
At the beginning of this year I had a goal I wanted to reach by my friend Andrea's wedding... well, I had almost 10 months to get there at the beginning of the year... now I have not-quite-four. But for some reason I keep telling myself, "You have plenty of time." Um, no. Especially at the rate I lose weight. Let's be honest here. If I work SUPER HARD and never drink and eat only clean, I could maybe MAYbe lose 5lbs/month, putting me around my halfway goal of 185. *sigh*
First things first, find the damn motivation. Where are you, motivation, where are you?!?!
Here's a screenshot of my net calories for the last month:
6/25/12
Things to accomplish by the end of the summer
- De-clutter my home
- organize after the de-cluttering
- remind myself how awesome it feels to wake up WITHOUT a hangover on weekends every Friday afternoon
- hit the local Farmer's markets at least once
6/22/12
Finding time
I've been in the process of writing a new post for the entire week now... stand by. It will be coming. Eventually.
6/10/12
6 month check-in
I realized we are in June... and once again I've fallen off the blogging band-wagon. Why can't I get it together?
It would probably help if I was getting some kind of a work-out in on a regular basis. Then I might actually have something to discuss. Sigh. ...not beating myself up, just saying!
Over the last few days I've gotten some walks in and gone out and done some dancing - so at least I'm being active even if I'm not actively "exercising". I've been doing pretty excellent on my calories, with the exception of Thursday and Friday. Cheat days totally have to happen, though, or I have a tendency to completely fall off the bandwagon.
Official weight @ 6/09/2012: 200.8 lbs
So 6 months in: I've official lost 16 lbs and am holding pretty steady right around the 200 mark. That's okay. It would probably help if I didn't fill up with beer and high-sodium foods on the night before my weigh-in morning. lol
I'm a bit frustrated right now because I'm in between sizes.. again. My 16's are too big after they've been on for a couple hours, but the couple pairs of 14's (and GAP 16's, which are a 14 in any other brand... stupid GAP) I have are too tight to sit comfortably in... I currently refer to them as my "standing jeans".
I do have to say I'm a little disappointed that I've only lost 16 lbs in 6 months. But I also know that's because I'm seriously lacking on a steady exercise routine and I wasn't being very serious about my calorie counting until just a couple months ago. 8 lbs of that 16 came off just since April. That's a little more promising. I'm hoping to be at my halfway goal of 185 by October. That's only 15 lbs. If I can get serious about the gym or even going for daily walks, it'll definitely come off faster. I should totally redo my measurements, too. I know I've definitely lost some inches since the last time, 'cause my clothes don't fit anymore! I know I also keep saying I'm going to post more progress pictures, but life is crazy.. and sometimes I'm forgetful and lazy.
I'm hoping this week I can find some motivation for some weight lifting.. or something more than 20 minute walks on my lunch break. I'm thinking about rereading Rachel Cosgrove's book. Even though I felt like some of the workouts were above my fitness level, I think it might give me some motivation to at least do my own workout routine. Also thinking about rereading Jackie Warner's book to inspire some clean eating.
I also recently made a list of Things I Want to Do/Be/Accomplish. Here are some examples from my list:
The list will continue to grow, I'm sure. I gotta get with it. For reals. Time to focus on being a Real Life Adult.
It would probably help if I was getting some kind of a work-out in on a regular basis. Then I might actually have something to discuss. Sigh. ...not beating myself up, just saying!
Over the last few days I've gotten some walks in and gone out and done some dancing - so at least I'm being active even if I'm not actively "exercising". I've been doing pretty excellent on my calories, with the exception of Thursday and Friday. Cheat days totally have to happen, though, or I have a tendency to completely fall off the bandwagon.
Official weight @ 6/09/2012: 200.8 lbs
So 6 months in: I've official lost 16 lbs and am holding pretty steady right around the 200 mark. That's okay. It would probably help if I didn't fill up with beer and high-sodium foods on the night before my weigh-in morning. lol
I'm a bit frustrated right now because I'm in between sizes.. again. My 16's are too big after they've been on for a couple hours, but the couple pairs of 14's (and GAP 16's, which are a 14 in any other brand... stupid GAP) I have are too tight to sit comfortably in... I currently refer to them as my "standing jeans".
I do have to say I'm a little disappointed that I've only lost 16 lbs in 6 months. But I also know that's because I'm seriously lacking on a steady exercise routine and I wasn't being very serious about my calorie counting until just a couple months ago. 8 lbs of that 16 came off just since April. That's a little more promising. I'm hoping to be at my halfway goal of 185 by October. That's only 15 lbs. If I can get serious about the gym or even going for daily walks, it'll definitely come off faster. I should totally redo my measurements, too. I know I've definitely lost some inches since the last time, 'cause my clothes don't fit anymore! I know I also keep saying I'm going to post more progress pictures, but life is crazy.. and sometimes I'm forgetful and lazy.
I'm hoping this week I can find some motivation for some weight lifting.. or something more than 20 minute walks on my lunch break. I'm thinking about rereading Rachel Cosgrove's book. Even though I felt like some of the workouts were above my fitness level, I think it might give me some motivation to at least do my own workout routine. Also thinking about rereading Jackie Warner's book to inspire some clean eating.
I also recently made a list of Things I Want to Do/Be/Accomplish. Here are some examples from my list:
- Get at least 7 hours of sleep nightly, and be in bed no later than 1am on weekends, midnight on workdays
- Plan meals for the week and shop for that menu
- Be more active in general
- Workout in the morning before work
- Spend Saturday mornings vacuuming/dusting/running laundry
- Save more $$
- Cut back on drinking/smoking
- Make more time for myself and doing the things I enjoy
The list will continue to grow, I'm sure. I gotta get with it. For reals. Time to focus on being a Real Life Adult.
5/30/12
Lack of exercise, and learning how to do screen shots
Well, folks. I hate to say it, but I'm going on 3 weeks of no real on-purpose exercise. It's pretty terrible, but thank god for keeping my calories in check as I continue to lose weight. Part of me thinks maybe I should do this whole "get small" thing before focusing on working out.. but working out makes me a more sane person, so there ya go. I'd feel much better if I were even getting just a short walk in here or there - instead I'm doing a bunch of NOTHING. Boo.
My baby decided 3am and then 6am were good times to be awake today. I should have made Daddy get up at 6 and headed to the gym, but my bed was calling my name and with some cuddling baby and I both drifted back off to sleep. If I want to feel good getting up at 6am I should probably try going to bed before 11:30/midnight. Even though I used to do it every day when I was commuting 35 miles to work every morning in bumper-to-bumper traffic. Oh, how times change.
So! I figured out how to do screen shots in Chrome, so now instead of typing out all my food-ness (which I've been supremely lazy about doing to begin with), I can just take a screen shot of my MyFitnessPal food/fitness diary and post that!
Behold:
Pretty fancy stuff, huh? I'm pretty proud of myself! This will help me stay more accountable for what I'm putting in my body, too. Although, really, let's be honest here: I don't really care if you guys judge what I eat. Obviously it's working for me as I continue to drop between 1 - 2 lbs a week. HA!
My baby decided 3am and then 6am were good times to be awake today. I should have made Daddy get up at 6 and headed to the gym, but my bed was calling my name and with some cuddling baby and I both drifted back off to sleep. If I want to feel good getting up at 6am I should probably try going to bed before 11:30/midnight. Even though I used to do it every day when I was commuting 35 miles to work every morning in bumper-to-bumper traffic. Oh, how times change.
So! I figured out how to do screen shots in Chrome, so now instead of typing out all my food-ness (which I've been supremely lazy about doing to begin with), I can just take a screen shot of my MyFitnessPal food/fitness diary and post that!
Behold:
Pretty fancy stuff, huh? I'm pretty proud of myself! This will help me stay more accountable for what I'm putting in my body, too. Although, really, let's be honest here: I don't really care if you guys judge what I eat. Obviously it's working for me as I continue to drop between 1 - 2 lbs a week. HA!
5/27/12
With the eating, and the weigh-in
This week has been fine if you just look at my calories (with the exception of yesterday), but when you look at the actual FOOD I've been putting in my body, you'd be incredibly disappointed... there's been Taco Bell and tootsie rolls and donuts and a bunch of other sugar-packed junk. Yesterday for lunch was a 600 calorie frozen margarita with some good old deep fried tex-mex (chicken flautas) and cheese dip. Let's not forget the chips! Lordy, lordy. It did keep me super full the whole rest of the day, so I didn't have much in the way of dinner... but even so my calorie county for yesterday was close to 2,800 calories. Saturday I woke up with the determination to get back on track with my eating! Started the day off with a whey protein fruit smoothie, and I headed to the grocery store soon to restock my kitchen with fruit and veggies and whole grain goodness.
Okay, so Friday was my normal weigh-in day but I totally forgot, so on the scale I got Saturday morning...
Official weight @ 5/26/2012: 200.8 lbs
!!! That's a 2 lbs loss for this week! Even with my crappy eating! If I keep this up, I'll hit my 20 lbs milestone in just a couple weeks! That would be so amazing. I can't wait to break that 200lbs mark again. I'm only 3 lbs away from my pre-baby weight!!
That's a lot of exclamation points. I apologize. But I am so proud of myself.
This week will be about getting back in the gym or at least taking a walk a few times a week. I'm so pumped about the weightloss, but I almost feel like I don't want to hit the gym for fear that I won't see the same results on the scale while focusing on strength training - but if I stick to walking/cardio (which kind of goes against everything I read about fat loss!!) then I think I will continue to see that number drop at a decent pace. I'm not sure how I feel about it. Part of me really wants to focus on strength training and get that tone and boost my fat-burning potential, but the other part of me is so excited to be losing 1-2 lbs a week on the scale. It's almost like I feel like I'd like to get down to my halfway goal by calorie counting and cardio, and THEN start focusing on building lean muscle mass. At least that way if the scale-loss slows I can feel good about where I'm starting from. It's kind of what my gut is telling me to do. We'll see. If I actually get in the gym, I think it will be really hard for me to not touch the weights! lol
Okay, so Friday was my normal weigh-in day but I totally forgot, so on the scale I got Saturday morning...
Official weight @ 5/26/2012: 200.8 lbs
!!! That's a 2 lbs loss for this week! Even with my crappy eating! If I keep this up, I'll hit my 20 lbs milestone in just a couple weeks! That would be so amazing. I can't wait to break that 200lbs mark again. I'm only 3 lbs away from my pre-baby weight!!
That's a lot of exclamation points. I apologize. But I am so proud of myself.
This week will be about getting back in the gym or at least taking a walk a few times a week. I'm so pumped about the weightloss, but I almost feel like I don't want to hit the gym for fear that I won't see the same results on the scale while focusing on strength training - but if I stick to walking/cardio (which kind of goes against everything I read about fat loss!!) then I think I will continue to see that number drop at a decent pace. I'm not sure how I feel about it. Part of me really wants to focus on strength training and get that tone and boost my fat-burning potential, but the other part of me is so excited to be losing 1-2 lbs a week on the scale. It's almost like I feel like I'd like to get down to my halfway goal by calorie counting and cardio, and THEN start focusing on building lean muscle mass. At least that way if the scale-loss slows I can feel good about where I'm starting from. It's kind of what my gut is telling me to do. We'll see. If I actually get in the gym, I think it will be really hard for me to not touch the weights! lol
5/24/12
A little deviation
I'm going to deviate a little bit from my "usual" on health, fitness, what-I'm-eating, etc. right now to talk a little bit more on recent emotional struggles. I know I've mentioned here before that I started seeing a counselor regularly last year and have really struggled with anxiety and some depression since the end of 2009.
I'm really proud of how far I've come with my emotional growth over the last 6 months or so. It's been really hard to not fall back on my normal tendency to rage about everything, and to worry about what everyone else is doing all the time, and get all wrapped up in the needless drama. It's been hard to focus on me and what my issues are. I realized I kept myself in the middle of lots of other people's chaos because it made it easy to avoid the constant negative inner-monologue about myself. It made it easier to forget how much I disliked myself and to forget all the past negativity I was holding onto.
I would go so far as to say: I've become a completely different person than who I was this time last year. In ways that I think are positive and healthy. Some of the people I know may not agree. They may feel like I've been unavailable as a friend, maybe even that I'm not as "fun" as I used to be. I struggle with those feelings, too. Sometimes I feel like a terrible friend, like I'm distant or uninterested. I feel like I'm not fun anymore either.
Mostly what I'm learning is that being a Real Live Adult is really fuckin' hard. Having two kids is stressful. Working full time and running a household is stressful. Working on a marriage and keeping communication lines open in that marriage is a full-time job all on its own. Trying to keep my social life as active as it was a year ago or two years ago is not an option for me right now. There are only so many things I can focus all of my attention on. But on that note, and what really I'm struggling with the most now, what's triggering my old habits of focusing and feeding on negativity is this: exclusion.
It seems so silly, doesn't it? It shouldn't even matter. It doesn't matter in the big picture. In the grand scheme of things and my life and where I intend my life to go, this shouldn't even be a blip on the radar.
But it still fuckin' hurts. A lot. It triggers my self-loathing hardcore, as I have a tendency to pride myself on being a well-liked and desirable person to be around. This could be complete delusion, but I like to think there's some truth to it.
As someone who just recently gained access to a Real Life Adult mindset, the rational side of me completely understands that one can't always be included in everything - just as one can't always attend everything they are invited to. There are very good and real reasons for being excluded. Most of the time it's not even an "on purpose" thing or meant to be hurtful in any way. And that's fine. But it doesn't make it feel any better.
It just seems like, when you have lots of mutual friends, you have to be careful of what is said and where (ie: Facebook). If you know Sally So-and-So wasn't invited to Johnny's July 4th BBQ, but you're all mutual friends - don't blab on and on about how excited you are to be going to Johnny's party to Sally. Or Sally's boyfriend. Or on your Facebook. Or on her sister's Facebook wall. Or your twitter. And you can say all you want, "Why? Why should I protect someone's feelings like that, why is it MY responsibility?" - to which I would answer, it's not your responsibility if you really don't care that you're hurting that person's feelings, but I wouldn't really expect them to stay friends with you for very much longer if you're going to act like your feelings are the only feelings that matter.
I'm not trying to say everybody should do as I say - I'm just saying, for me, knowing that I've been or am being excluded from things that a year ago I would have been included in, hurts my feelings and makes me feel like maybe I don't have as many close friends as I thought I did. It also makes me feel like maybe those friends just enjoy me more as an emotional wreck than as a healthy, stable person.
I'm not saying, "Everyone must invite me to EVERYTHING!". I'm not saying that at all. That would be ridiculous. I'm just saying I am so much more aware of my actions since I started working on myself. I'm much more aware of my feelings and how my feelings and actions affect other people in my life. And now, more than ever, I try to follow that Golden Rule: Treat others as you wish to be treated.
I'm just putting it out there, that out of everything I've been through in life, out of the terrible way I've been treated by some people - that for some reason this one little thing that shouldn't matter is mattering a whole lot to me at this time in my life. I'm just putting my feelings out into the world in an effort to work through this crap way of feeling and move on and get over it. It's nobody's fault, it's not one person or one situation. It's the culmination of a lot of things that have transpired in the last 8 months or so. It's all about the "getting to me". It all finally started getting to me and eating away at my self-esteem, so it was time to just vent it out.
I know I'm a good person and a good friend. I know that I have good people in my life. I also know it's not all about me. I just have to keep reminding myself of that last part.
I'm really proud of how far I've come with my emotional growth over the last 6 months or so. It's been really hard to not fall back on my normal tendency to rage about everything, and to worry about what everyone else is doing all the time, and get all wrapped up in the needless drama. It's been hard to focus on me and what my issues are. I realized I kept myself in the middle of lots of other people's chaos because it made it easy to avoid the constant negative inner-monologue about myself. It made it easier to forget how much I disliked myself and to forget all the past negativity I was holding onto.
I would go so far as to say: I've become a completely different person than who I was this time last year. In ways that I think are positive and healthy. Some of the people I know may not agree. They may feel like I've been unavailable as a friend, maybe even that I'm not as "fun" as I used to be. I struggle with those feelings, too. Sometimes I feel like a terrible friend, like I'm distant or uninterested. I feel like I'm not fun anymore either.
Mostly what I'm learning is that being a Real Live Adult is really fuckin' hard. Having two kids is stressful. Working full time and running a household is stressful. Working on a marriage and keeping communication lines open in that marriage is a full-time job all on its own. Trying to keep my social life as active as it was a year ago or two years ago is not an option for me right now. There are only so many things I can focus all of my attention on. But on that note, and what really I'm struggling with the most now, what's triggering my old habits of focusing and feeding on negativity is this: exclusion.
It seems so silly, doesn't it? It shouldn't even matter. It doesn't matter in the big picture. In the grand scheme of things and my life and where I intend my life to go, this shouldn't even be a blip on the radar.
But it still fuckin' hurts. A lot. It triggers my self-loathing hardcore, as I have a tendency to pride myself on being a well-liked and desirable person to be around. This could be complete delusion, but I like to think there's some truth to it.
As someone who just recently gained access to a Real Life Adult mindset, the rational side of me completely understands that one can't always be included in everything - just as one can't always attend everything they are invited to. There are very good and real reasons for being excluded. Most of the time it's not even an "on purpose" thing or meant to be hurtful in any way. And that's fine. But it doesn't make it feel any better.
It just seems like, when you have lots of mutual friends, you have to be careful of what is said and where (ie: Facebook). If you know Sally So-and-So wasn't invited to Johnny's July 4th BBQ, but you're all mutual friends - don't blab on and on about how excited you are to be going to Johnny's party to Sally. Or Sally's boyfriend. Or on your Facebook. Or on her sister's Facebook wall. Or your twitter. And you can say all you want, "Why? Why should I protect someone's feelings like that, why is it MY responsibility?" - to which I would answer, it's not your responsibility if you really don't care that you're hurting that person's feelings, but I wouldn't really expect them to stay friends with you for very much longer if you're going to act like your feelings are the only feelings that matter.
I'm not trying to say everybody should do as I say - I'm just saying, for me, knowing that I've been or am being excluded from things that a year ago I would have been included in, hurts my feelings and makes me feel like maybe I don't have as many close friends as I thought I did. It also makes me feel like maybe those friends just enjoy me more as an emotional wreck than as a healthy, stable person.
I'm not saying, "Everyone must invite me to EVERYTHING!". I'm not saying that at all. That would be ridiculous. I'm just saying I am so much more aware of my actions since I started working on myself. I'm much more aware of my feelings and how my feelings and actions affect other people in my life. And now, more than ever, I try to follow that Golden Rule: Treat others as you wish to be treated.
I'm just putting it out there, that out of everything I've been through in life, out of the terrible way I've been treated by some people - that for some reason this one little thing that shouldn't matter is mattering a whole lot to me at this time in my life. I'm just putting my feelings out into the world in an effort to work through this crap way of feeling and move on and get over it. It's nobody's fault, it's not one person or one situation. It's the culmination of a lot of things that have transpired in the last 8 months or so. It's all about the "getting to me". It all finally started getting to me and eating away at my self-esteem, so it was time to just vent it out.
I know I'm a good person and a good friend. I know that I have good people in my life. I also know it's not all about me. I just have to keep reminding myself of that last part.
5/21/12
Aside from the usual anxiety of being a real-life adult...
...I'm feeling pretty excellent.
This week I discovered I can fit into my work slacks again. These are size 16's with no "stretch", just plain old cotton khakis. Not only do they fit - they fit comfortably. More comfortably than they did 16 months ago (pre-pregnancy), actually. I consider that a pretty awesome accomplishment. The calorie counting might not be doing a whole lot where the scale is concerned, but I'm certainly shrinking. I'll take it.
I should probably do my measurements again at some point... oh, and take those progress pictures!
This week is the week for getting back in the gym... but my husband is out of town until late Tuesday night, so that means I can't really go until Wednesday. Hopefully my motivation can stay strong until I get there. I was planning on walking on lunch or with the kids after work today, but the ridiculous amount of rain happening here today is kind of derailing that. Curses!
Saturday we went to this "family fun" thing that the county park association sponsored and I spent about 4 hours walking while pushing Nolan around in the stroller, which DEFINITELY counts as exercise - so at least I got something in for the last couple weeks.
I'm just kind of repeating to myself constantly, "Every little bit counts." If it's a 10 minute walk, fine. It counts. If I spend an afternoon vacuuming my living room/stairs/upstairs, mopping my kitchen floor, carrying laundry up and down two flights of stairs - it counts. It doesn't have to be "exercise", it just has to be "activity". This thought process has helped me so much. I'm feeling so much better about myself, and I'm not constantly berating myself for not making it to the gym.
I'm really proud of myself with my calorie counting as well. I'm really trying to focus on my hunger - if I'm hungry "for real", or if I'm just craving because of boredom or depression, etc. Doing that has made it incredibly easy to keep my daily average around 1,600 calories. I've also given myself Fridays and Saturdays as cheat days, and I don't worry about what I'm eating or drinking those days - giving myself the permission to eat "whatever I want" on these days has worked out really well, as I'm still rarely exceeding the 2,000 calorie mark.
Now, if I can just getting back into the groove of blogging daily!
This week I discovered I can fit into my work slacks again. These are size 16's with no "stretch", just plain old cotton khakis. Not only do they fit - they fit comfortably. More comfortably than they did 16 months ago (pre-pregnancy), actually. I consider that a pretty awesome accomplishment. The calorie counting might not be doing a whole lot where the scale is concerned, but I'm certainly shrinking. I'll take it.
I should probably do my measurements again at some point... oh, and take those progress pictures!
This week is the week for getting back in the gym... but my husband is out of town until late Tuesday night, so that means I can't really go until Wednesday. Hopefully my motivation can stay strong until I get there. I was planning on walking on lunch or with the kids after work today, but the ridiculous amount of rain happening here today is kind of derailing that. Curses!
Saturday we went to this "family fun" thing that the county park association sponsored and I spent about 4 hours walking while pushing Nolan around in the stroller, which DEFINITELY counts as exercise - so at least I got something in for the last couple weeks.
I'm just kind of repeating to myself constantly, "Every little bit counts." If it's a 10 minute walk, fine. It counts. If I spend an afternoon vacuuming my living room/stairs/upstairs, mopping my kitchen floor, carrying laundry up and down two flights of stairs - it counts. It doesn't have to be "exercise", it just has to be "activity". This thought process has helped me so much. I'm feeling so much better about myself, and I'm not constantly berating myself for not making it to the gym.
I'm really proud of myself with my calorie counting as well. I'm really trying to focus on my hunger - if I'm hungry "for real", or if I'm just craving because of boredom or depression, etc. Doing that has made it incredibly easy to keep my daily average around 1,600 calories. I've also given myself Fridays and Saturdays as cheat days, and I don't worry about what I'm eating or drinking those days - giving myself the permission to eat "whatever I want" on these days has worked out really well, as I'm still rarely exceeding the 2,000 calorie mark.
Now, if I can just getting back into the groove of blogging daily!
5/18/12
That track thing, becoming a germaphobe, and weekly weigh-in
"Back on track", "staying on track", "keep on trackin'" ... okay that last one I made up.
What track? Where? There was a track I was following at some point? When was that?
That's how I feel right now. Although, I do have to say that I have been excellent at counting calories. My daily average for the last couple weeks has been around 1550. It's pretty awesome. And thank goodness I'm doing well with my calories, because lord knows the gym and I are still in a fight.
I remembered to weigh-in this morning - and just as I predicted, there was a slight gain:
Official Weight @ 5/18/2012: 202.8 lbs
That's still an average of 1lb/week loss the last 2 weeks, even with the gain. I'm totally okay with that. That's ideal for me, especially without exercise.
I've got to get back in the gym. There's just no other option. I think I need to try going in the morning... which would mean getting up around 6:15am on gym days. I don't know if I'm really okay with that, though. But I can't seem to motivate in the evenings on a regular basis, so this may be the only other option. Or a buddy. Anybody out there want to be my gym buddy?
Another reason I haven't been to the gym since recovering from Death: I know my immune system is way down, and I'm terrified I will catch germs. Nasty gym germs. I finish my antibiotics today, so maybe by Monday I will feel "well" enough to brave the gym germs in the name of Sexy.
Positive news: I've officially gone down a size in jeans. I am down to a 16, and can even fit some of my Old Navy 14s. That is pretty exciting! Also, only 5 more pounds until I'm back at my official "pre-baby" weight. Maybe I can be there by mid-June! Then only 12lbs to my halfway goal of 185!
Next time I'm at the gym (either this weekend or Monday), I will get new progress photos and get those posted. I may even go for the yoga pants/sports bra look to better track my belly fat loss. We'll see how brave I'm feeling.
What track? Where? There was a track I was following at some point? When was that?
That's how I feel right now. Although, I do have to say that I have been excellent at counting calories. My daily average for the last couple weeks has been around 1550. It's pretty awesome. And thank goodness I'm doing well with my calories, because lord knows the gym and I are still in a fight.
I remembered to weigh-in this morning - and just as I predicted, there was a slight gain:
Official Weight @ 5/18/2012: 202.8 lbs
That's still an average of 1lb/week loss the last 2 weeks, even with the gain. I'm totally okay with that. That's ideal for me, especially without exercise.
I've got to get back in the gym. There's just no other option. I think I need to try going in the morning... which would mean getting up around 6:15am on gym days. I don't know if I'm really okay with that, though. But I can't seem to motivate in the evenings on a regular basis, so this may be the only other option. Or a buddy. Anybody out there want to be my gym buddy?
Another reason I haven't been to the gym since recovering from Death: I know my immune system is way down, and I'm terrified I will catch germs. Nasty gym germs. I finish my antibiotics today, so maybe by Monday I will feel "well" enough to brave the gym germs in the name of Sexy.
Positive news: I've officially gone down a size in jeans. I am down to a 16, and can even fit some of my Old Navy 14s. That is pretty exciting! Also, only 5 more pounds until I'm back at my official "pre-baby" weight. Maybe I can be there by mid-June! Then only 12lbs to my halfway goal of 185!
Next time I'm at the gym (either this weekend or Monday), I will get new progress photos and get those posted. I may even go for the yoga pants/sports bra look to better track my belly fat loss. We'll see how brave I'm feeling.
5/15/12
Weight-loss win, blogging fail
I have now lost approximately 15lbs since my January 1 start.
Official weight @ 05/11/2012: 201.6 lbs
Thanks to being on my death bed and consuming nothing but water 5/6 - 5/9, I lost nearly 4 pounds in a week. I'm sure this coming weekend when I step back on the scale that will have come back up a bit, but that is expected. As of right now, I'll take my 15lbs-loss mark!
So far I have been awful at my "blog more consistently" goal for May. I feel like I haven't had much to blog about in the way of health/fitness since I destroyed my foot and then had the Plague (otherwise known as Strep Throat). I'm starting to feel like I can't catch a freakin' break, but I don't want to just bitch and complain on my blog all the time.
I'm going to say something here, but I'm not trying to get anyone to "keep me to it" or anything, because if I feel like I'm forcing it on myself - or anyone else "expects" it of me, it's not going to work... I think I'm quitting smoking. I've only had 2 cigarettes since Saturday May 5th. I'm not "trying" to quit, I just haven't really wanted to smoke. And that's great, and I'm excited about it - but I'm trying to just not even think about it too much because I know as soon as I do I'll go right back to it just to spite myself. I'm sure I've jinxed myself by saying anything about it on here. We'll see. Just.. pray for me. lol
My experiment in "doing what feels natural" hasn't gotten very far thanks to injury and sickness. So, I guess what's felt natural lately is not exercising. Truth be told, I'm a little terrified to get back in the gym. I'm afraid that my immune system is shot and I'm going to get sick again. I can't afford it - both in a financial/work sense and a psychological sense.
That's really all I have to update on. You'll hopefully be hearing more from me soon!
Official weight @ 05/11/2012: 201.6 lbs
Thanks to being on my death bed and consuming nothing but water 5/6 - 5/9, I lost nearly 4 pounds in a week. I'm sure this coming weekend when I step back on the scale that will have come back up a bit, but that is expected. As of right now, I'll take my 15lbs-loss mark!
So far I have been awful at my "blog more consistently" goal for May. I feel like I haven't had much to blog about in the way of health/fitness since I destroyed my foot and then had the Plague (otherwise known as Strep Throat). I'm starting to feel like I can't catch a freakin' break, but I don't want to just bitch and complain on my blog all the time.
I'm going to say something here, but I'm not trying to get anyone to "keep me to it" or anything, because if I feel like I'm forcing it on myself - or anyone else "expects" it of me, it's not going to work... I think I'm quitting smoking. I've only had 2 cigarettes since Saturday May 5th. I'm not "trying" to quit, I just haven't really wanted to smoke. And that's great, and I'm excited about it - but I'm trying to just not even think about it too much because I know as soon as I do I'll go right back to it just to spite myself. I'm sure I've jinxed myself by saying anything about it on here. We'll see. Just.. pray for me. lol
My experiment in "doing what feels natural" hasn't gotten very far thanks to injury and sickness. So, I guess what's felt natural lately is not exercising. Truth be told, I'm a little terrified to get back in the gym. I'm afraid that my immune system is shot and I'm going to get sick again. I can't afford it - both in a financial/work sense and a psychological sense.
That's really all I have to update on. You'll hopefully be hearing more from me soon!
5/3/12
An experiment in experimentation...
If you'll look just a bit to your right on this page you'll see I have a little area marked "Priorities". When I started blogging again back in January, I did an overhaul and added a bunch of new stuff to my page(s). I felt like this little "priority" box would be a great little reminder of the things that should be most important on this weight-loss journey. Earlier this week I updated that little box along with adding my goals for May. I made "Eat Less/Better, Move More" one of my top 3 priorities. It's a simple and smart mantra. I need simple right now.
My number one priority, as you can clearly see, is "Educate Yourself". I'm HUGE on this. I really should go back to school and get my degree in physiology/nutrition, because I love, love, LOVE learning about the effects of diet and exercise on the human body. Lately, however, I think I may be reaching an information overload... and I am becoming addicted to this information. I currently have 3 new books at home about various exercise routines, diets, and nutrition that I am beginning to read. That's not including the 2 magazine subscriptions I have (Fitness and Women's Health), plus all the internet reading I do on the regular (HuffingtonPost Health, Time Health and Science, New York Times Health and Fitness, etc.). Today I stumbled across a new health/fitness magazine that I want to subscribe to: http://experiencelife.com/. I may be out of control. But more importantly, I'm wondering, is this massive amount of information doing me a disservice? I worry if I do too much cardio and not enough strength I will lose weight, but still be uber flabby. I worry if I eat too few calories I'll stunt my metabolism and screw myself - even though a lot of what I've read recently says that "intuitive" eating is best, not scheduled eating.
I got back in the gym Monday night for the first time in too too long - it was awesome! I did some HIIT (High Intensity Interval Training) and put together a great strength training circuit. I felt amazing. Even today, 3 days later, I am feeling the muscle soreness... which makes me wonder if maybe I'm pushing it too hard too fast. I'm in no way close to the fitness level I was at 14 months ago. I need to go back to "beginner" routines and build some base strength and stamina. I mean, this is why I decided to lay off on the Body Breakthrough routines, right? Because I wasn't at a high enough fitness level! So I need to work on slowing down, taking my time, working on my form with lighter weights, etc. And fighting off the inner-monologue telling me that if I don't push myself to the point of energy I'll "never" lose weight - because that's simply not true.
Ideally, I would like to do a beginner HIIT and strength training routine Mon, Weds, Sat and then regular cardio on Tues and Thurs - rest days being Friday and Sunday. However, if I put my expectations too high then I run the risk of "failing" and then moving into a sneaky hate spiral which will lead to not going to the gym at all. So, I'll go ahead and PLAN to exercise 5 days a week, but if it doesn't happen it won't be the end of the world. And if it happens but I only have time to do something for 15 minutes instead of an hour - that's okay, too. Every little bit counts. It's my new motto, sort of.
So did I tell you that I broke my left baby toe? The same one I broke last year? I can't remember and I'm too lazy right now to go back and look.. but I did. It was about a week ago. Then Saturday night I stubbed the broken toe on my husband's shoes that had been left in the middle of our bedroom floor, which made it all swollen and bruise-y again... then last night... I dropped a dinner plate edge-down on the top of my foot right below my two smallest toes on my left foot. It hurt more than childbirth. I'm not kidding you. It immediately turned dark purple and swelled about 4 times a normal toe/top-of-foot size. I couldn't put any weight on it. I cried for 30 minutes. Some of that was the pain.. but mostly because I had planned to get my ass to the gym last night and do some cardio. I felt so damn sorry for myself. But today, after 3 hours of ice, and nearly 12 hours of elevation, it looks somewhat normal. It's still purple.. actually a little more purple... but the pain has subsided quite a bit, plus the swelling has gone down. There's a huge part of me that is thinking, "Yay! Let's go to the gym tonight!", but I know I need to wait to make sure it doesn't get all swollen and ugly again after walking on it all day today.
I kind of went on a couple tangents there... back to my original point when I started this post: I'm considering experimenting with doing what feels natural. I'm still going to count calories because that definitely helps keep my eating habits in line, but with exercise I'm going to quit OVER-educating myself and just do what feels good, what feels right for me and quit worrying about what 101 "experts" have to say. Just for a little while. I am well versed on the "basics" and even the "not-so-basics", so this should be pretty easy. "Should" being the key word there.
My number one priority, as you can clearly see, is "Educate Yourself". I'm HUGE on this. I really should go back to school and get my degree in physiology/nutrition, because I love, love, LOVE learning about the effects of diet and exercise on the human body. Lately, however, I think I may be reaching an information overload... and I am becoming addicted to this information. I currently have 3 new books at home about various exercise routines, diets, and nutrition that I am beginning to read. That's not including the 2 magazine subscriptions I have (Fitness and Women's Health), plus all the internet reading I do on the regular (HuffingtonPost Health, Time Health and Science, New York Times Health and Fitness, etc.). Today I stumbled across a new health/fitness magazine that I want to subscribe to: http://experiencelife.com/. I may be out of control. But more importantly, I'm wondering, is this massive amount of information doing me a disservice? I worry if I do too much cardio and not enough strength I will lose weight, but still be uber flabby. I worry if I eat too few calories I'll stunt my metabolism and screw myself - even though a lot of what I've read recently says that "intuitive" eating is best, not scheduled eating.
I got back in the gym Monday night for the first time in too too long - it was awesome! I did some HIIT (High Intensity Interval Training) and put together a great strength training circuit. I felt amazing. Even today, 3 days later, I am feeling the muscle soreness... which makes me wonder if maybe I'm pushing it too hard too fast. I'm in no way close to the fitness level I was at 14 months ago. I need to go back to "beginner" routines and build some base strength and stamina. I mean, this is why I decided to lay off on the Body Breakthrough routines, right? Because I wasn't at a high enough fitness level! So I need to work on slowing down, taking my time, working on my form with lighter weights, etc. And fighting off the inner-monologue telling me that if I don't push myself to the point of energy I'll "never" lose weight - because that's simply not true.
Ideally, I would like to do a beginner HIIT and strength training routine Mon, Weds, Sat and then regular cardio on Tues and Thurs - rest days being Friday and Sunday. However, if I put my expectations too high then I run the risk of "failing" and then moving into a sneaky hate spiral which will lead to not going to the gym at all. So, I'll go ahead and PLAN to exercise 5 days a week, but if it doesn't happen it won't be the end of the world. And if it happens but I only have time to do something for 15 minutes instead of an hour - that's okay, too. Every little bit counts. It's my new motto, sort of.
So did I tell you that I broke my left baby toe? The same one I broke last year? I can't remember and I'm too lazy right now to go back and look.. but I did. It was about a week ago. Then Saturday night I stubbed the broken toe on my husband's shoes that had been left in the middle of our bedroom floor, which made it all swollen and bruise-y again... then last night... I dropped a dinner plate edge-down on the top of my foot right below my two smallest toes on my left foot. It hurt more than childbirth. I'm not kidding you. It immediately turned dark purple and swelled about 4 times a normal toe/top-of-foot size. I couldn't put any weight on it. I cried for 30 minutes. Some of that was the pain.. but mostly because I had planned to get my ass to the gym last night and do some cardio. I felt so damn sorry for myself. But today, after 3 hours of ice, and nearly 12 hours of elevation, it looks somewhat normal. It's still purple.. actually a little more purple... but the pain has subsided quite a bit, plus the swelling has gone down. There's a huge part of me that is thinking, "Yay! Let's go to the gym tonight!", but I know I need to wait to make sure it doesn't get all swollen and ugly again after walking on it all day today.
I kind of went on a couple tangents there... back to my original point when I started this post: I'm considering experimenting with doing what feels natural. I'm still going to count calories because that definitely helps keep my eating habits in line, but with exercise I'm going to quit OVER-educating myself and just do what feels good, what feels right for me and quit worrying about what 101 "experts" have to say. Just for a little while. I am well versed on the "basics" and even the "not-so-basics", so this should be pretty easy. "Should" being the key word there.
4/30/12
Confessions and Realizations
1) I eat too much saturated fat. I just realized this today. I wouldn't say I'm going massively over the DRA (Daily Recommended Allowance), but I'm probably meeting it on a regular basis and one or two days a week exceeding by 5-10 grams. No bueno. ...it's my love of dairy. It's strong.
2) My belly fat is getting out of control... probably no thanks to the above statement.
3) I haven't exercised in 2 weeks (unless you count 3 hours of vigorous house cleaning over the weekend... which maybe I should). This will change this week, though.
I did not weigh-in last weekend, and I almost completely forgot this weekend! My motivation is currently in the toilet and I'm in a sneaky self-hate pattern currently, so I kind of felt like the scale might make that worse, but at the same time felt like if I had lost or at least maintained maybe it would make me feel a little better... so Saturday morning I stepped on that scale. (holy run-on-sentence, batman!)
Official weight @ 04/28/2012: 206 lbs
So I didn't gain or lose anything. I'm right where I was 2 weeks ago. I'm okay with that. I know exactly why - even though I have been good on my calories and my caloric quality (ie: mostly whole foods), my body requires physical activity in order to shed pounds and fat. Diet alone doesn't work for this girl. It's tragic, but true.
I know I need to apologize again for really slacking off on my blogging. The motivation just hasn't been there for much of anything other than sitting on my couch, eating, and watching tv. Oh and sleeping. There has been looots of sleeping lately.
This week I have to just MAKE myself go to the gym. I know once I start going I will want to go. I also really wish I had a buddy. That would make me go more often for sure.
I have sooo many blog ideas I want to put up! Hopefully I can get to that this week.
2) My belly fat is getting out of control... probably no thanks to the above statement.
3) I haven't exercised in 2 weeks (unless you count 3 hours of vigorous house cleaning over the weekend... which maybe I should). This will change this week, though.
I did not weigh-in last weekend, and I almost completely forgot this weekend! My motivation is currently in the toilet and I'm in a sneaky self-hate pattern currently, so I kind of felt like the scale might make that worse, but at the same time felt like if I had lost or at least maintained maybe it would make me feel a little better... so Saturday morning I stepped on that scale. (holy run-on-sentence, batman!)
Official weight @ 04/28/2012: 206 lbs
So I didn't gain or lose anything. I'm right where I was 2 weeks ago. I'm okay with that. I know exactly why - even though I have been good on my calories and my caloric quality (ie: mostly whole foods), my body requires physical activity in order to shed pounds and fat. Diet alone doesn't work for this girl. It's tragic, but true.
I know I need to apologize again for really slacking off on my blogging. The motivation just hasn't been there for much of anything other than sitting on my couch, eating, and watching tv. Oh and sleeping. There has been looots of sleeping lately.
This week I have to just MAKE myself go to the gym. I know once I start going I will want to go. I also really wish I had a buddy. That would make me go more often for sure.
I have sooo many blog ideas I want to put up! Hopefully I can get to that this week.
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