Wake Up Calls

I feel like I’ve already had several wake-up calls recently… and they just don’t seem to spur me to change my lifestyle quite as much as I need to/want to. I think part of that is just being incredibly impatient. Obviously I just wrote recently about, y’know, my “food issues” and then, the other night, trying to put on a pair of jeans I hadn’t worn in a couple months that would not button (read: simply do not fit right now) sent me into a complete freak-out and rage and a “MUST COUNT CALORIES! MUST RESTRICT! MUST STARVE! MUST CARDIO QUEEN!”… I would be lying if I said I didn’t still feel these thoughts screaming through my head today. They may even be louder.

The reality is, I’ve noticed over the last few weeks that my clothes aren’t fitting so great anymore. And I don’t look as good in them. Then while poking around iphoto, I looked at these photos from 11/17/13:

and realized, my body doesn’t look anything like that anymore. I’ve packed on a lot of fat in the last 3 months. I’m not really okay with admitting that right now and I’d really appreciate kindness in this area and no I-told-you-so’s, or higher-calorie-doesn’t-work, etc, etc. I’m realizing I’ve been living in a little (a lot-a) bit of a delusion that I could eat whatever I want (read: JUNK JUNK AND MORE JUNK) while inconsistently sort-of-sometimes exercising 2, maybe 3, times a week and maintain my body composition that I had attained over several months of regular strength training and regular low-intensity cardio with occasional high-intensity cardio while eating a reasonable amount of calories from decent foods. That’s not even mentioning that I used to regularly get 9000 steps or more almost daily, whereas the last couple months we’re looking at an average that’s closer to 5000-6000. I was thinking I had been maintaining, but my recent monthly report from FitBit screamed showed otherwise. I’m sure a lot of this has to do with winter and all the mood altering that comes with it (for me), plus the obviously colder weather and shorter days that don’t lend much opportunity for outdoor enjoyment/walks/runs. I’d really like to think that over this spring/summer I can build up a good routine of walks/runs that can carry me into and through next winter.

Another recent wake-up call? My recent blood work panel done at my check-up last month. While most my numbers were well within “normal” or “good” ranges, there was one that was slightly worrisome: my triglycerides. They were slightly elevated at 173. My doctor would like them to be under 150. Now, according to who you talk to, some doctors believe anything under 200 is no cause for concern (especially if you're young), and then others (like my doctor) believe that they should really remain between 100-150. What have I been doing to try to improve this number? Absolutely nothing. What am I doing instead? Pretending like I’m still 20 and don’t have to worry about that shit. Where is it getting me? Absolutely nowhere and causing sneaky anxiety about aging and coming to grips with my own mortality.

I mean, shoot, all I have to do to bring this number down is a) quit smoking, b) quit drinking, and c) rarely eat any processed carbs.

IT’S SO SIMPLE!

So, yes, I spent the last weeks since my doctor's appointment pretty much ignoring that I need to work on some habits for my health. But, hey, baby steps. My first baby step was deciding I would commit myself to 100 Days of Change. And my change would be doing some sort of purposeful physical activity every day for 100 days. So far so good. I did miss one day due to just plain forgetfulness, but otherwise I've posted a picture to my instagram account every day documenting whatever it is I'm making time for that day.

The second step was another amazing burst of motivation a few days ago to start really focusing on better food choices. I began logging food again, but not for calorie purposes - to track how junk vs non-junk I'm eating every day. I also changed my food diary settings to "private" so that the only judgement I have to worry about right now is from myself. Once I feel more confident in my choices and feel my food issues are under control, I'll make my diary public again. I've been focusing mostly on eating a fruit and/or a veggie every time I eat and increasing my consumption of greens and fish over meat overall.

I'm feeling really good about these decisions, and feeling really free from all those "shoulds" that usually surround my exercise routines/plan. I've done something a little different nearly every day, and I think that's been really beneficial to me and the way I think sometimes. It's allowed me to revisit some old favorites, as well as stalk around the internet and find some new things to try out. The "every day" thing is also a great motivator as it doesn't give me a chance to decide I need an "extra" rest day and then fall out of good habits. I've never been the person to break up my strength into different areas of focus (leg day, upper-body day, abs day, etc.), but I'm thinking in the future that might be really good for me to keep me on track and focused.

But right now? I'm not thinking about it other than to say to myself, "You'll be doing something active today." No obsession, no special schedule, no "THIS routine will be so much better", no bullshit. Just moving my body on a daily basis.


Interested in joining me in my 100 Days of Change? Follow me on Instagram and use the tag #100daysofchange! :)