Off Plan

Okay, not that I really have a “plan” to be “on” right now, but I can feel it in my bones that I’m off my bandwagon of regular exercise and good eating… I suppose my eating habits are actually probably the same they were a week ago… but I am feeling supremely lazy in the realm of exercise. I know it’s only Tuesday and I have the rest of today and this week to get back into my exercise routine, but I am having a bad case of the I-Don’t-Wanna’s.

I’m feeling pretty depressed. I returned from my trip Sunday night… but, in the words of my grandmother, “I love it when y’all visit, but I hate it because that means you have to leave again.”

While I missed my husband and children (more than I expected to, actually) over the 4 days I visited my grandparents/aunts/uncles/cousins, the absolute heartbreak that I experience every time I have to go back “home” is excruciating. I probably looked like a crazy person as I traveled back home, the whole time trying not to cry hysterically. I managed to maintain pretty well – until last night.

I’m just going go out on a limb and say: I have a hard time with travel, in general. I think I just get really stressed out. Also, let’s face it, vacation is exhausting most of the time. Especially if you have far to go… with children… and/or a husband, because husbands are really just like extra children. Almost any time we go anywhere I have a complete emotional breakdown upon returning home, complete with hiccup crying and wailing.

I digress… so I held it together pretty well Sunday night even though I returned home much later than I wanted to thanks to an hour and a half delay… on the tarmac… but then yesterday after work… well, I lost it. My granny called to make sure I made it home okay and to see about Nolan (he ran a fever over the weekend), and then she said, “Well, I sure am glad you came to visit us and I sure did enjoy our long walk on Friday.” And it was all over. I chokingly wrapped up the conversation and then pretty much just flipped my shit. The heartbreak over being so far away from my elderly grandparents that I am so close to, plus ridiculous stressors at work with personnel and staffing, and then home improvement projects that are mounting in expense so much faster than expected… it just all came crashing down. My hiccup crying was, understandably, frightening my children – plus no one wants the taste of tears in their dinner… so Mike sent me to a time-out. Even after calming down, I spent the majority of the evening just feeling totally depressed. I got in bed shortly after 10pm, read a little bit, and passed out by 11pm. The extra sleep was nice, but I’m still not really feeling 100% “normal” today. My mom and dad are currently on vacation and get back tomorrow night. I’m hoping I’ll feel better after seeing them on Thursday.

(Basically I’m just a whiny baby that needs to be around her family 24/7.)

All of this is just contributing to my desire to be a total lump, lazily lounging around watching tv or reading, and sleeping as much as possible. If I could get away with not going to work, I’d probably just stay at home for a few days.

While I know that this is all probably temporary and am feeling like maybe I need to boot myself in the butt and get a workout in… another part of me is wondering if my physical exhaustion is my body telling me it needs a few days. While I didn’t purposefully exercise in Arkansas, I was up and doing stuff all day every day, with the exception of maybe Saturday morning when I just sat around and read a book for about 3 hours. Friday I went for a 2 mile or more walk with my granny.

Maybe I’ll just give myself a couple days. If the motivation/desire for a good workout hits me tonight when I get home from work, so be it! I’ll get it done… but if I’m still feeling run down like I do right now, another night of rest may do me more good than harm. 

Now, to go off on something kind of not entirely relevant: I want to try out this primal eating thing. For reals. I mean, I know I read the book and everything and then was like, “Erm, no, that’s okay. I’ll just continue being a carb addict.” But I’ve been thinking a lot about it… and while I don’t think I want to give up all things deliciously processed in my life (namely: beer and ice cream), I think it certainly wouldn’t hurt me to shoot for like an 80% goal for primal eating – or even to shoot for primal eating 5-6 days a week, allowing myself beer/ice cream in the evenings if I want it. We all know I don’t do especially well with pressuring myself by saying, for example, “OKAY! Beginning September 1^st, I shall no longer be eating processed carbs!”… because I will just sabotage myself and eat more processed carbs than I normally do, until it makes me sick… y’know, just to “prove” something to myself. What that is other than “You’re a crazy person with a perpetual self-hate cycle, Jessica”, is beyond me.

My first step is just to simply start meal-planning for dinners again while leaving out the packaged rice and/or pasta sides. Lean meat and fresh or frozen veggies, for the win!

..perhaps, if I deny him long enough, Nolan (my toddler) may even start to eat something other than frozen chicken nuggets. Perhaps.

My second step is to start meal-planning lunches. And, eventually, meal-planning breakfasts – leaving me with three meals a day prepared-for and planned out. I was doing it before, no reason why I can’t do it again.

Maybe I’ll even be ambitious enough to outline my meal plans here, just to have it stored somewhere.

How are all of you doing? Do any of you get overwhelmed after traveling and/or vacation?