Disgusting habits

No, not smoking. But that one isn't exactly sexy either, I must admit.

I'm talking about junk food binges. And I don't necessarily mean "binge" in the eating disordered form. I mean just a string of days of eating lots of processed crap for regular meals in place of the healthy, happy whole foods we all know and try to love.

Ladies and Gents, I have eaten more crap food in the last 10 days than I have in probably the last 3 months. Or longer. I didn't count calories as a preggo, but I certainly didn't eat this poorly either. It's almost like I'm trying to sabotage my awesome weight-loss progress. But really I think it may have more to do with stress.

I pretty much gave up on counting points over this past weekend... and when I started up again, I'm already down to 12 flex points for the week... which basically means I've gone over my flex points by probably double. It's bad news bears, folks.

Positive note: I've still been keeping up with my workouts. I've got two in for this week so far.

Back to some real world psuedo-negativity: Beer is becoming one of my best friends recently. It's not good! That is the real tell-tale for me that I am stressing hardcore. I don't drink like that on a regular basis. Have 3 or 4 on a Friday or a Saturday night? Sure. Drink 2 or 3 almost every night in a week? No bueno.

My anxiety has come back over the last couple weeks as well. It's been keeping me up at night. Last night I thought I might die a little bit. I was so tired, but I couldn't seem to stop this panic attack my body was trying to have. I didn't do a workout last night because my muscles screamed at me pretty good Monday night after my Saturday workout - and I was afraid I might injure myself if I pushed it to go ahead and do my strength routine again Wednesday night. So extra "rest" day it was. I think the lack of exercise for the night definitely contributed. My post-baby hormones also probably aren't helping. Honesty: eating shitty junk food every day for nearly two weeks doesn't help either. I already posted recently about how junk food makes me depressed - well now it's bringing my anxiety back up, and that's a little harder to manage that my depression.

Yesterday was a step in the right direction. I had oatmeal for breakfast, lots of fruit, some almonds and then a turkey breast sub for lunch. I didn't end up eating dinner because I was still pretty full from my lunch, but I did have a venti chai from starbucks. SUGAR.

My stress is definitely contributing to my poor eating habits. I never thought of myself as an emotional eater, but I'm realizing I may be one. Tonight I fully intended on getting a workout in, but then it started getting late... and the bud light in my fridge started calling my name. I partook in some of my old rage-ahol this afternoon, and that got my stress level all high and mighty. My willpower isn't very good. I could have forced myself to exercise, but I didn't. These are some of the things I will need to talk about in counseling next week. I'm having a hard time prioritizing time for myself - whether that be to read a book, do some exercise, or prepare a healthy, well-balanced meal. Some of my "I'm just a big fatty anyway, so why try?" old ways are coming into play again. I might need to do some of my positive affirmations in the morning. Oh man... the morning. Weigh-in. That just occurred to me. FML! Hopefully it won't so bad. Hopefully I will not have gained. If I maintained, I need to be happy with that. Tomorrow after work I need to get a good workout in and I'll feel better. I need to start scheduling that me-time. I need to make it a priority.

Next week I need to commit to clean eating. I'm currently reading a book about fitness and weight lifting as a female, and the book really focuses on nutrition. Not calorie counting, not "dieting". NUTRITION. Making sure you're feeding your body the right things so that it's easier to build that lean muscle and boost metabolism to burn fat and get in shape - and, more importantly, STAY in shape once you get there. It's a 90/10 concept. Clean eating 90% of the times. 10% given to guilty-free splurges, whatever those may be. It's a great concept, and it's one that could definitely work for me if I can just get on the bandwagon and put my stress factors behind me a little bit. Once I finish this book I'll definitely be talking about it more at length. It's pretty awesome. And one thing I really love about this chick, is that her husband is one of the premiere strength trainers in the fitness world, and once she decided to get in shape and do what's right for her body, she committed to educating herself as much as possible. She event went so far as to get her bachelor's in physiology. To be honest, it's something I've considered. Since beginning my weight-loss journey I've made it a priority to educate myself as much as possible and I feel that that has really helped me. I'm genuinely interested  in fitness and how the human body operates in response to exercise and healthy eating. I've also been considering trying to get my personal training certification. At this time in my life, with my children being so young still, it's not an immediate goal by any means. But maybe a 5 year goal? Sure. The prospect is incredibly exciting for me.

So that's what's going on with me. I'm sure you'll hear from me again this weekend to talk about my weigh-in. Hope you all are having a fabulous week!