I did great until the ice cream

Yesterday I had a pretty awesome day - I didn't really feel sick hardly at all and was able to consume massive amounts of fruit as well as having some homemade tacos for dinner (full of protein). I did have a reuben sandwich for lunch, but from what I could find the calories on that weren't so terrible - especially since I only ate about half of it. So I'm going about my business, logging my food for the day - I get everything entered, I'm right on track coming in at just under 2'000 calories for the day... and then I remember... I took James for ice cream after daycare... I had a double scoop of baskin robbins mint chocolate chip. FAIL. Although that did give me my calcium intake for the DAY. Always look on the bright side right?

On the calcium thing, this actually is really good - I've been avoiding milk like the plague because the thought of drinking it makes me really ill, and I think yesterday is probably the first day I actually reached my calcium goal in almost 3 weeks. Thank goodness for supplements.

Stats for 4/20:

• total calories: 2'500. Again.
• no workout, but I did take James to the playground. I thought about going to the gym since I was feeling somewhat normal, but it was so nice outside and I've been feeling so crappy and James has gotten to do little other than zone out in front of the television after school these days... I decided to opt for being a good parent instead of physical fitness.
• $12 between lunch and ice cream
• 11pm bedtime

Soda is the devil

just a little bit. I would have stayed on track with my calories yesterday if it weren't for the coke that I drank with dinner last night... and since it was fountain soda (my FAVORITE) and I was at a restaurant where they just kept refilling... I drank about 4 cans worth. At least. Probably not good for my caffeine intake as well as calories, but I rarely drink caffeine so I'm not going to stress over it.

So I probably finally came close to meeting my nutritional needs yesterday for the first time in about 3 weeks even though I was SO SICK. I actually threw up yesterday morning. Isn't that awesome? Aren't you so glad I shared that with you? I ate tons of fruit though, and even managed to have a turkey sandwich (well half) for lunch before feeling like I was going to wretch all over again. Only 4 more weeks of this.. I hope.

Btw, I'm sure you all probably already figured, but I've been smoke free since March 25th. The idea is to keep this up forever, even after I don't "have" to.

Stats 4/19:

• total calories: 2500 - that's about 500 over where I want to be. I'm not trying to gain 60 pounds over the next 7 months. 
• no exercise (this is bad, I need to start feeling better so I can at least start walking regularly)
• $15 spent on dinner out
• no idea what time I went to bed - Mike's decided to become an insomniac and so that means he wants to keep me up talking every night. Monday night I did go to bed at like 9:30, though. Because I'm awesome. 

I'm trying really hard to not get depressed over the fact that just a couple short weeks ago I was going to the gym 3 days a week burning all kinds of crazy calories and eating awesome healthy food for nearly every meal and all my clothes were continuing to get baggier and baggier to the point where lots I simply could not really wear anymore... and now I'm eating as much bad-for-me high-in-fat uber junk food my little pudgy hands can wrap themselves around... my belly fat has increased immensely and I know some of that is probably from water retention from the large amount of junk food I've been consuming and the other part is because I'm performing the miracle of growing a person inside of me... but I just really wanted this to be like it was the first time round where I still could wear my regular clothes for like 4months, and even then when my belly got big the rest of me shrank... I have to wear a strapless dress for a wedding in July. A short, strapless dress. I want my arms to look awesome and my calves to look awesome. I want to be beautiful and glowing. Not fat and miserable and way-too-hot in the July sun. I want to be back in the gym Mon, Weds, Fri. Especially since my social life has completely tanked thanks to my inability to currently consume large amounts of alcohol... so really what else am I doing on Friday evening other than stuffing my face with chinese food and watching King of Queens reruns? Oh, and also - I'm really sick of hearing "You look tired." because all of us ladies know that "You look tired" really means "You look like shit". 

There are moments of the day when I'm not feeling like I'm going to just vomit until my intestines come out my throat (lovely, eh?!) and I think to myself, "I'm going to do it - I'm going to go to the gym today. I'm just going to push through and DO IT." and then 4:30pm rolls around and the only thing I can imagine myself doing is putting my pajama pants on and taking a nap on my couch... and that's usually what I end up doing. And my poor kid is like, "Why do you have your jamas on already?" and I can just say, "Because I don't feel good." EVER. ANYMORE. 

I know this part doesn't last forever, but I want it to not last at all. I'm ready for it to be over. I'm ready to get back to my healthy habits because I'm afraid if this goes on much longer all those habits I worked so hard to create are going to be destroyed.

So that's kind of where I am mentally right now. 

Laziness?

No, just pregnancy. That's right, folks, I've got a baby in my belly! And I'm in the throws of morning sickness every moment of every day... why do they call it MORNING sickness? It should be called 24-hours-a-day Sickness. Hence the whole... not blogging about food and exercise currently. I'm actually pretty disappointed in myself that I haven't kept up with my exercise, but it's kind of hard to do when all you want to do is throw up and pass out, wake, repeat.

The last few days I've felt a bit better - learning some tricks that keep me feeling somewhat close to "normal" throughout the day. I might try to hit the gym a couple times this week and see how it goes - my biggest deterrent however is the fact that drinking flat water in any kind of large amount makes me totally ill. And the gym is a big no-no without proper hydration. Especially now. The weather at least is supposed to be decent this week, so even if I don't make it to the gym maybe I can squeeze in a couple walks. We'll see how it goes.

My eating habits have completely tanked the last couple weeks. I feel sick just about all the time, and when I'm not sick I crave the junkiest food imaginable. It's almost always restaurant or fast food. So, not only am I destroying my healthy eating but I'm destroying my budget as well. Vegetables are a complete turn off for me right now - which is incredibly sad since salad is normally one of my staple food items. Certain fruits I can still tolerate... but even that is iffy at times. I'm eating a lot of burgers and fries these days. It's terrible. I'm hoping by the end of May I'll be out of this phase and able to get back on track with my eating again -- and be able to count calories without feeling like I need to vomit every time I log food.

Today I've actually done really well with food - so far I've had a banana, a fiber one muffin, two kiwis, an orange, and some cheese with triscuits. This has been an excellent food day both nausea-wise and healthy-eating-wise. I'm not gonna lie - I'm probably going to have some Five Guys for lunch because I've been craving it all weekend... but at least I'll get my iron in that way (hamburger)! I've also been craving things I can't eat... like sushi. But vegetarian rolls are an excellent alternative and I've decided I'd like to learn how to make then at home - it can't be THAT hard, can it? It doesn't really matter if they fall apart... has anyone made sushi rolls at home before?

Back on the bandwagon...

I'm going to start counting calories again for a little while. I feel like the last 2 weeks especially I've gotten way off track and I just need to steer myself back onto the right path - calorie counting for a couple weeks I think will definitely do that.

I'm setting my limit for 1900 - that's 300 calories more than what an ideal deficit would be. If I can keep up with my regular workouts this will be just where I need to be for all my current nutritional requirements.

My stomach has been all kinds of crazy this week and I feel like I'm dying of thirst all the time because drinking ginger ale is about the only thing that makes me feel normal... and soda is not incredibly hydrating. Especially when you're accustomed to drinking between 140 - 180 oz. of water a day. It's been pretty terrible, you guys. I drink a couple glasses of water and pretty much want to puke it all back up all over myself. This is also making it incredibly difficult to eat the whole foods, fruits, and vegetables I normally consume on a daily basis. The only things that have appealed to me are restaurant foods... or nothing at all except for crackers and/or cheerios.

I'm going to try to start posting again on a somewhat regular basis, but don't hold your breath or anything lol

Hiatus

Hello loyal readers,

I just wanted to take a moment to say: a) I ate like total crap this weekend and it's no wonder I gained 1.6lbs in a week, and b) I may be taking a hiatus for this week, possibly next week too.

I want everyone to know that I packed my gym bag this morning with the best of intentions, but nausea is getting the better of me and the chances of my actually making it to the gym are slim to none. I will be very proud of myself if I do though.

I may pop in with a random update here or there, but I'm really not feeling up to posting anything about food... lol

Stay tuned!

Avoiding the scale at all costs

This week and last week I have felt super awesome about my body and the awesome changes I'm seeing in my muscle tone and how it's completely changing the shape of my body for the better. My clothes have fit better - aside from most of my pants being way too big, my fitted shirts look awesome. I've felt pretty great about myself and have finally stopped obsessing over food and am focusing on making smart choices and eating only when I'm actually hungry, and not beating myself up over splurge food choices but just taking them for what they are: splurges. I'm back in the gym full force and loving my routine (even though I should probably throw a little more cardio in there). So all of these are wonderful, positive things and great feelings to enjoy and focus on right? Right. Until...

I stepped on the scale this morning and have gained a pound and a half. I know a lot of it could be water retention from the weight lifting I'm doing, plus the building of muscle tone under the fat I still have... but to get on the scale this morning and to see 198.6lbs - well that was really heart-breaking. I don't want to break that 200 pound mark again before my birthday since my birthday was supposed to be my deadline on this no-calorie-counting thing. I feel like I should have at least been able to maintain my 195lbs this whole time. Not gain 3 and a half pounds back.

I guess for now I'm just going to try really hard not to focus on that number and just focus on how I feel. I've also quit smoking (I'm a week in now and I'm confident!) and I've quit drinking (I think this will help tremendously if I can manage not to replace alcohol with soda). Let's just see how the next couple weeks progress.

All kinds of proud

Not only have I stuck to my nutrition guidelines all week, but I made it to the gym THREE TIMES! Burning between 450-500 each go, I am pretty proud of myself.

Honestly, I cannot remember what I ate yesterday to save my life and I don't feel like going to search for my little piece of paper I logged my food on... also I'm tired and want to go to bed so this will be quick.

4/1:

• breakfast: english muffin w/ the usual spreads
• am snack: apples w/ peanut butter and a vanilla milk
• lunch: half a baja salad and a jr. hamburger from Wendy's - also a jr. frosty.
• pm snack: peanut butter/chocolate protein shake from the gym (post-workout)
• dinner: spaghetti w/ a slice of garlic bread
• one hour workout at the gym
• 0 cigarettes - one week smoke free
• $12 spent on lunch (bought Mike's lunch today too)
• shooting for 12:30am bedtime

I promised myself a few weeks ago that if I made it to the gym three times in a week I would treat myself to my favorite protein shake from the juice bar - well, this week I finally met that goal!! I plan to make it a regular thing... maybe not always with the shake part.

Overall I'm super proud of myself and continue to see amazing changes in the shape of my body from the weight lifting I've been doing!

Sorry for the short post - weighing in tomorrow. Have a great Friday night!