Emotional Wreck

Since most of my readers are also my real-life friends, most (if not all) of you probably already knew or at least say my Facebook post earlier today regarding my granddad... but just in case you didn't, here's the news:

My grandfather was diagnosed with late-stage lung cancer this week. This comes on top of a pre-leukemia diagnosis last month, as well as the existing congestive heart failure and emphysema he's been dealing with since his heart attack in 2010.

There really isn't much else we know right now. Surgery may not really be an option since his heart function is so low, as well as having low platelets due to his MDS (pre-leukemia) and being rather underweight and weak from just generally being in poor health for the last several months. The chemo and radiation options may just make his quality of life so poor that it may not be worth it... so it's all very difficult right now. There are a lot of decisions that need to be made, none of them easy. Right now we are all just really hoping he can be released from the hospital in order to spend Thanksgiving with the family. I know he's been looking forward to seeing all the grandchildren and great-grandchildren for a while now. 

In the meantime, I'm pretty much an emotional wreck. I spent a good 6 hours yesterday/last night crying on and off, purposely and accidentally. It certainly didn't help that I had a majorly uncomfortable and disappointing meeting regarding work which just added to all the emotional stress. I'm in a very hopeless place right now. 

I am proud to say that I've stuck to my workout schedule this week (so far), though - and it's definitely given me some purpose other than "drink all the wine" or "sleep all the time". It's unfortunate that I woke up this morning feeling pretty sick, but I'm not entirely sure how much of that is a legit virus or just depression/soreness from my workout. My plan is to get about 10-12 hours of sleep tonight and hope that I feel more normal tomorrow - physically normal anyway. 

I began a long post on Tuesday morning about "feeling fat" and my food choices/exercise progress -- but the phone call from my mom regarding Pa-pa's cancer diagnosis sort of derailed the whole thing. I'll possibly rework it and get it up over the weekend or next week sometime. Then again, maybe not. I may be scarce with my blogging for a while. Just bear with me and keep my family in your thoughts and prayers, if you would.