Official
weight @ 4/12/2013: 191.4 lbs
This time I have no junk food excuse. I ate reasonably well
yesterday with the exception of a delicious ice cream treat that cost me 400
calories… but I was okay with that. However, I think my weekly average on
calories has gotten out of control. Two weeks ago when I saw my first real loss
of this entire year, I averaged about 2200 calories/day, plus was doing my
lifting and remained pretty active outside of lifting that week. The week
before that I think I had averaged closer to 2000. Well, this has been my rest
week… and I’ve averaged (so far, we haven’t even gotten to birthday
celebrations yet!!) closer to 2500. Granted, many folks on lifting programs
will eat at maintenance during their rest weeks, but I hadn’t really intended
on doing that… I’m pretty sure it’s just been complete and total lack of
willpower.
I’m feeling really unsure on how to proceed on this. Part of me
thinks I need to stop worrying about it so much and quit actively tracking
throughout the day for a couple weeks and just kind of eat what I’m hungry for.
Then, at the end of the day, I can go ahead and put it into my diary and see
what I’m intuitively averaging and move from there.
Another part of me is thinking since I can’t seem to get my
calories under control, I need to just workout 3-5 days a week instead of 2-3.
Yes, I get some walking in during the week (and am all over the place on the
weekend walking, running after children, climbing stairs, etc.) – but maybe I
need to just take the time to actually do a WORKOUT on my non-lift days. I’m
thinking about incorporating Jillian’s Ripped in 30 and doing that on off days…
although I would be lying if I didn’t say I’m terrified since that might mean
overworking certain muscles…. BUT, I can always sort of skim the more
strength-oriented parts and focus mostly on the cardio aspect. I need to reread
this portion of the book, but I want to say that New Rules has you do HIIT
sessions during Stage 2… that might take care of it. We’ll see.
I am just really super confused right now. I’m starving all the
time yet eating like a normal person, I’m more active than I’ve been in a
loooong time, my body shape is completely changing and yet the scale has barely
budged, and my measurements are only barely changing – although I haven’t taken
officially measurements in a WHILE. That will happen tomorrow, most likely.
I would like to lose at least another 10 lbs. I can be totally
happy at 180 with awesome lady muscles and easily wearing a 12/14. Seriously! I
just feel like 190 is still “too heavy”. And maybe that is just a messed up
place for me to be mentally/emotionally. Maybe I need to just stop being such a
whiney baby and suck it up and stick to my calorie cut and cleaner eating and
add the dreaded cardio into my routine. I get really discouraged sometime
because I feel like I still have so much fat in my mid-section to lose… I’ll be
really impressed with myself (see: sexy belly pictures), and then I’ll have
these weeks where all I can seems to focus on is that little bit of mommy-pooch
still happening, the little bit of back-fat that still pokes from under my bra,
the squishiness on my hips… and then realizing that even though I’ve lost 5%
(or more) of my body fat since January, but at over 30%, this still puts me
into an obese category.
Fun fact: on the body fat percentage chart, there is no
“overweight” – you are either “above average” or you’re “obese”. How’s THAT for
the self-esteem? Another fun fact: even skinny people can have an obese body
fat percentage. Hence, weight lifting.
This “rest” week has just been really rough for my body-image and
self-esteem. I feel “squishy” and lazy (even though I’m still DOING stuff –
just not LIFTING stuff) and maybe that is just transferring into some emotional
eating and that’s why I feel like I’m starving all the time and can’t keep my
calories in check. It’s all just a roller-coaster, I guess. And chances are I
will probably continue to have days or weeks where I feel this way even after I’ve
reach goal weight/goal BF%... and so maybe it just boils down to being okay
with feeling this way, as long as it’s not perpetual.
Thank you for reading today’s edition of “Jessica Makes A Personal
Revelation”. Please tune in next week for episode 3! Lol
I totally understand how you feel about going so back and forth about feeling happy with how you are looking and then the next minute feeling horrible and fat! lol. I go through exactly the same thing. I think if you keep up the work outs and healthy eating, eventually the confident times will come more often and the insecure moments (or days) will be fewer and further between.
ReplyDeleteAs for the weight, you know that I have struggled with my number on the scale lately, too. I think lifting throws things off a little for a woman's body, so maybe ours are still trying to adjust? At the end of the day, you can see the changes in your body, so that is what's most important!
If you're hungry all the time, that tells me that your body is craving more energy (if it is true hunger and not just boredom, stress eating, etc.). I would be wary of "starving" it by trying to restrict your calories further because that may cause the opposite reaction of what you're hoping for. And with lifting, you really do need to make sure your body is getting what it needs. I haven't really kept up with your food logs, so I don't know what you're eating. But maybe it would help to focus on eating whenever you're hungry, but just trying to choose healthier snack options (more vegetables and lean protein)? Again, I don't know if you're already doing this, but just a suggestion!
All that being said, it sounds like you are doing really well despite some scale setbacks. Just don't give up and eventually your body is going to have no choice but to catch up with your actions. :)
I think you just need to remember the positives. Weren't you just showing off some awesome pictures of yourself at a gathering a week or two ago? Those pics are still YOU and are still valid. Just keep at it slowly, maybe make a minor adjustment and see what it does for you. But hang in there.
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