My motivation and energy have been really low this week and last, and I’m kind of teetering on the fine-line between Worn Out and Depressed. Stress has been very, very high for me the last two weeks and I’m having a hard time managing it. Getting a run in probably would have helped me immensely in this area, but our weather has been a little wonky here in Virginia and I’ve used that as an excuse big time. Not to mention, the 5k really, really wiped me out and the last thing I wanted to do last week was run. I’ve been wondering if I’m maybe in a bit of an overtraining cycle, which with my current stress level wouldn’t be difficult at all to have reached. This could explain my random weight gain despite good nutrition/plenty of exercise, my interrupted sleep, and recent exhaustion no matter how long I’m in bed.
This week, thanks to work issues, rain, and crazy wind, I didn’t get ANY walks in until yesterday. I’ve come to realize how vital these lunch break walks are in keeping me from murdering people during the workweek. I also ran a couple miles last night. Well, “ran”, intervals really. Mostly walking. I’ve been reading a lot more about heart rate training recently, and tried to focus mostly on proper recovery from my “high” intervals - which sometimes meant walking longer than I would have liked. I still finished the 2.3 in 30 minutes, so it wasn’t a terrible pace, and if I keep it up I’ll get better/faster and able to recover more quickly. On a bummer note: my shins are bothering me a bit this morning even though I did my shin-specific stretches post-run. On a positive note: I felt much happier last night and today (so far) than I have since my 5k. Anecdotal evidence (y'know, and a crap ton of scientific evidence, too) shows that walking and running help elevate my mood and regulate my depression, anxiety, and stress. Now, if only I can convince myself how important this is come November when the weather gets frigid... perhaps I should go ahead and start saving for a 6 month pass to the local rec center's gym? Or for my very own treadmill?
This week was supposed to be my big “return” to strength training, but I’ve been flailing a little bit. This is not to say I haven’t been working out, I definitely have. But I am kind of all over the place and haven’t really put together a program to work on yet. I’ve also realized recently that I should really put some focus on making sure my form is correct before adding any heavy weight (duh moment, I know), and this might mean a few weeks of bodyweight training. This is where my lack of patience kills me. I really need to maintain focus on long-term goals and quit being so "right now" with everything. Something to work on, for sure.
I feel like I have a lot of reevaluating to do over the next few weeks regarding how I want to move forward after #100daysofchange is over. I’ve been thinking a lot about what’s seemed to work for me as far as fat/weight loss in the past, and I’m wondering if it might be beneficial to give some things another shot and see what happens. I’ve been having a tendency to get caught up in this whole idea that just because I’m 30 now, all of a sudden my entire biological landscape has changed – but clearly it hasn’t. That shit doesn’t just happen overnight.But it will change over the next 10 years, dramatically, and I need to create and cement good habits now in order to maintain my health for, well, the rest of my life.
Cement good habits and... stop over-thinking everything. I get so caught up and I think sometimes I create additional stress for myself, which does not help me in my training/fitness goals in any way, shape, or form. Something that is probably going to help me with chilling out: my FitBit up and dying last night. That’s right. I just charged it a few days ago, but before bed last night I realized it wasn’t lighting up anymore. I went and stuck it on the charger… nothing. I cleaned the connectors, nothing. I did a hard reset -- 2 quick flashes showing full battery power, then nothing. This morning I couldn’t even get it to reset. It’s dead. I’m not sure how I want to proceed… I can’t afford to replace it right now. Our home HVAC is being replaced next week, and that is obviously not cheap. A new FitBit seems like a bit of a frivolous expense. I downloaded the free app, Argus, to my iPhone as a replacement. I’ll see how I like it. So far it’s draining my battery pretty awesomely, but I might be able to live with that… maybe.
I probably shouldn’t have downloaded Argus. I probably should have just been free from a fitness tracker for a while to just see what happens. (Magic! Maybe magic would happen!) But then the other part of me is like, “I’m gonna be in Disney world next month, and I want those 40 BAJILLION steps counted, damnit!”
Y’know, because if technology isn’t tracking how many steps you’re taking… then clearly you haven’t taken any steps.
Hey, I don’t pretend to understand my own distorted logic.
The last couple days I’ve stopped logging calories throughout the day (again). Before bed I put everything in and see where I am, but mostly I’m just eating as I feel I need to. I’m trying really, really hard not to slip into the mindset of: If I’m not counting calories, calories aren’t really being eaten and I can eat ALL THE JUNK FOOD.
Are we noticing a trend here? If steps aren’t tracked they aren’t happening… if calories aren’t tracked then they aren’t really consumed…
It’s hard being me.
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