Little Victories

Friday I stepped on the scale to see:

Official weight @ 12/7/12: 189.8 lbs

It’s not by much, but this is the first time I’ve been under 190 lbs since Fall of 2009. That’s 3 years. I’m pretty excited, especially after stalling in the 190’s for almost 6 months.

Non-Scale Victory: wearing my size 16 Gap jeans that at my goal weight were my “fat” pants, then became my “just fit” pants when I started gaining after my wedding. I haven’t been able to fit into these pants since late 2008/early 2009. Not only do they fit, but they fit comfortably. I’m feeling super stoked about this.

I hope all of this will act as motivation to work hard to eat clean more often. Aside from Taco Bell on Tuesday last week and a few minor splurges on Christmas treats, I did really well with my food choices. My Qdoba addiction is still strong, but I don’t feel like that is nearly as bad because it’s FRESH food at least – not total frozen processed crap… just a-little-bit-processed crap. lol

The 16 danish butter cookies last night may have been a little extreme... but they still fit into my calories for the day, amazingly enough. 

Here we are, the second week into December and I still can’t seem to get back on the exercise bandwagon. I’ve reached another “I don’t wanna” phase. And now I’m looking for the quick fix. I’m on the lookout to spend money I shouldn’t on workout DVDs, books, etc. Maybe it’s about me finding something fun I will actually stick with, but most of the time I think it’s just another Jess-starting-something-she’s-never-going-to-finish type thing. That seems to be the only thing I’m actually really excellent at: finding some project or goal, starting the process, and then quitting part of the way through.

I’m not doing so hot on the burpee challenge – on the weekends I always forget, and then the catch-up kills me. I had to do 17 on Sunday in order to catch up to the challenge day. I did 6 in the morning, and then could only get through 3 later in the day. I think 9 or 10 is where I tend to putter out. But you know what? I’m going to do those 10 every day until I can push to 11… maybe this challenge for me is more about seeing if I can just do burpees for 100 days – not necessarily being at a fitness level where I can bang out 100 burpees in one day.

I walked again at work today. I kept hearing how bad this winter was going to be since last winter was so mild, and, yes, we have already had some really bitter-cold, nasty days. But for the most part, it’s been pretty tolerable. This is good since these short walks on my lunch break are about the only activity I’m getting lately. Warm weather or not, the shorter daylight hours are killing me and my fitness routine. I’m proud for the small improvements I’ve made on my food choices and eating habits, but I know that exercise is an important piece to this lifestyle change, and I still stress over feeling like I’m almost a full year in and there’s no reason I shouldn’t/couldn’t have hit my goal weight by now. The only thing holding me back is me and my lack of willpower to make myself do what’s healthy and best for my body.

Speaking of stress – I put one of my priorities and goals for this month to do stress-relieving activity and to spend more time with James in doing those activities. I’ve done none of this so far and I am at an almost-constant boiling point. I’ve had more explosions and breakdowns in the last 2 weeks than I think I’ve had in the last two years with the exception of the 2 weeks during my pregnancy where depression hit me full force and I started counseling – and even that wasn’t as bad as this. Only this isn’t depression  so much as it is just outbursts of either anger or crying. In between I feel pretty okay, but it’s almost like anything can set me off. This just leads me back around to feeling like I need to just make myself exercise. I will feel so much better, my stress level will be much more manageable.

It’s almost like someone who’s bi-polar and won’t take their meds… you know it makes you feel better, you know it makes life easier, but you think somehow you can just be “normal” without it. And for me that is obviously not the case.

I’m hoping the new year will give me new hope and excitement to get this done. I won’t have a newborn baby, so there will no longer be that excuse. I’m hoping 2013 will bring lots of good changes for me and my life, but somehow I think the lengthening of daylight hours offers more relief and encouragement for good choices than anything else… and that is only 12 days away!