In Spite of Myself: Weekend weigh-in, depression, and a mulligan

 Well. I lost 3.5 lbs last week in spite of myself.

Official Weight @ 3/31/2012: 208 lbs.

I did not work out one. Single. Time. Last week. All that talk of changing the week and blah blah blah was a bunch of malarkey! I pretty much sat on the couch and stared at the wall.

My depression was tres bad. (That’s French for “very”.) I had no motivation. I had to give myself a mental pep talk just to EMPTY THE DISHWASHER Tuesday night. It was downright pitiful.

Here’s the thing: I was not down on myself. Let me clarify: I was down. But not on myself.

Do you see the difference?

Normal Jess-Depression: “I’m so fat, I’m so lazy, I’m a terrible mother, I’m a terrible wife, I’ll never do anything right, my house will never be clean, I’ll never be organized because I’m so fat, I’m so lazy, I’m a terrible mother, I’m a terrible wife and I never do anything right.” Rinse and repeat.

Last week Jess-Depression: “I don’t care. I could workout, but I don’t want to. I don’t care. I just… don’t. care. I am done with life, please and thank you. I’m over it. No feelings. Just apathy.” And then I stopped caring enough to even HAVE an inner-monologue. That’s right. Just nothing. A whoooole lot of nothingness and wall-staring.

I’m thinking this may be some postpartum depression. I know my hormones are going nuts ‘cause I’m starting the Great Post-Pregnancy Shed – ie: my hair is falling out all over the place. I’m going to ask my doctor about it when I go in for my annual in a couple weeks. I’ll keep you guys posted on this.

So I guess one good thing is that I wasn’t beating myself up about anything… because it honestly just didn’t really matter at all. And even though I didn’t exercise, I didn’t sabotage my eating. In fact, I ate surprisingly well. I even stayed within my calorie limit including adult beverages over the weekend, which almost never happens.

Alright, I definitely fell off the exercise bandwagon. But this week I'm hopping back on. I even already did my workout. Just now, I just finished. I'm currently sitting here blogging, sipping my whey protein shake, and feeling pretty damn good about myself. Since I mucked everything up during week 2, I'm going to pick back up at week 2. So this will officially be my Week 2. Have I said week 2 enough? This means I'll move on to the next phase the week of April 23rd. 

Now, here is something I'm pretty damn proud of - check out my most recent pictures! 

Also check out my awesome new pink shoes... they're ugly, but they are pretty badass. They're those new Reebok RealFlex. I love them! I'm going to put these up on my photo page... I think there's a pretty noticeable difference. :)

Today's food:

4/02/2012

• breakfast: regular oatmeal w/ stevia and milk, almonds
• am snacks: organic peach yogurt, apples w/ natural peanut butter
• lunch: thai chicken wrap w/ baked lays and a strawberry smoothie from Tropical Smoothie Cafe (this was way more calories than I expected and/or wanted it to be)
• dinner: bagel w/ cream cheese, fruit shake w/ whey protein

Total calories: 2,214

Calories burned: 500

Net calories: 1,714